Sorry? What do you mean I have to share my kids with you at Christmas?

[Spiderplantqueen]

This is a bit light hearted but definitely an element of truth to it.

My eldest dd is visiting this Xmas - first time she’s been home in years in that period of time. Her sisters (school age) are very excited. She lives in another country basically on the other side of the planet.

In preparation for this last year I offered ex the chance to have the kids all day last Christmas Day so I could have them all day this year. He said no that he already had plans. That visiting DD was a me problem - not his problem 🥴

Dropped the kids off at 4. The previous year he was supposed to pick them up from mine at 4 but he decided that actually 2pm was better so the kids had to rush their dinner as he was already on his way.

It’s a fucking liberty that I even have to do this - when we separated he didn’t have the kids over night for 2 years because of shit excuses . It was me who stayed solid and just plodded on doing the boring mum things like making sure they had their stuff for school, winter coats, sports clubs, warm home to live in, clean clothes - all the boring stuff that parents are supposed to do - whilst he took them to the odd trampoline park for few hours a weekend.

Now he has a GF and the kids actually have a bed to sleep in we’ve got to share Christmas 🧐

Yes I do have a running tally.

As parents we are not equal so why do we have to do equal Christmas’s? Why can’t it be made on merit?

12 full payments of CSA ✅
Sticking to the divorce stipulations ✅
Paying fair share of uniform & school costs✅

But no it just goes of DNA apparently

Both kids want to stay all day here because their older sister is here. One of them feels guilty - the other doesn’t give a shit.

It’s going to be the hill that I die on.

Bit shit init?

Just go back and tell him that as you mentioned last year @Spiderplantqueen, you’re having them on Christmas Day this year and that’s why you offered last year but he didn’t want them

his pre-existing plans aren’t your problem. Your kids want to see their sister and that’s what you’re doing.

he can have them Boxing Day as previously

tell him how it is. Family comes first and this year it’s about their sister.

Of course they do travelling is well known to cause tiredness

Where does it show that she has exploited anything? I'm beginning to wonder whether you might be hr ex given your comments

She tries to do things like give him the whole of xmas so she can have it next year. That is exploiting the lack of a formal agreement.

So he gets to call the shots and you have to agree? You aren’t married anymore, you didn’t have to do as he said when you were, even less so now.

Just say no. Be strong and firm. No that doesn’t work for me, or the kids. TELL him what’s happening this year.

@Spiderplantqueen Would he be the type to take this further, or would his migraine-prone carcass, and the cost of going to court cause him to not bother?

Frankly, he can fuck the fuck off. He had his chance last year and dodged it.

Loser.

The kids are old enough to decide for themselves anyway - he can have them for NYE (Yippee for you) and NYD then bring them home on the 2nd!

I imagine normally sitting in a car isn't, but young kids in between parents infighting/changing of rules and pick up times/missing dinner/plans changing would be emotionally exhausting, that's what OP would be talking about rather than how you feel sitting as a passenger on a pleasant drive?

It's called compromising.

The children are well old enough to have an opinion taken into consideration. Keep it calm (I know!) and ask them what they want to do. Then (calmly) explain what you’ll be doing and how important the DD visit is. If this ever came to court (it doesn’t sound likely), the overriding consideration is the welfare of the children.

I wouldn’t be doing anything. No court order, then that’s tough on him. Keep your kids.

Absolutely die on this hill - fuck him.

It really doesn't sound like the OP wants him in her home or part of her family unit so I think you're not really adressing the issue.

And FYI it's perfectly possible to co-parent respectfully and appropriately without living together. Many many families do it well, they just don't post about it on MN, so your ideal of a basic nuclear family is not the only option for decent parenting.

Are you at all interested in what the 14 & 10 want? You don’t seem to have mentioned them at all save to say you’d take them away for the whole of Christmas.

When do the courts close at Christmas? Tell him after they close that they are staying with you because that's what they want. I'm all for playing fair with dads who take parenting seriously and doing whatever it takes with the wankers.

Yeah because letting their dad have them all Christmas Eve & Christmas Day is such a wicked exploitative thing to do 🥴

Just make a formal agreement and stick to it.

Absolutely this. Saying "I'd like to have the DCs for Christmas 2026 so how about you having them for Christmas 2025" is entirely reasonable and the kind of thing good co-parents should be able to do.

There’s no child agreement in place? So have your Christmas. Just do it. Say they want to stay with their sister, it’s a rare opportunity and will benefit our children, so I will drop them off 10am Boxing Day for your Christmas.
then mute him. If you think he will massively kick off, don’t give him notice.

This poster seems to hate divorced mothers. They are always on the side of the deadbeat dads. What the kids want doesn’t matter unless it’s the dad benefitting/getting their own way.

Not sure if you're being "ironic" or don't know what year it is...
Either way, it's a bit late for ExH to have the kids for Christmas 2025...

My reading of the OP was that she offered her ex to have the DCs last Christmas so that she could have them this Christmas. Did I misunderstand?

I would have thought it waS more important for your childre to spend time with their father than their half sister, who i assume is ) is coming from the other side of the world for longer than a day!!I

God what a nightmare, I feel for you OP.

Ah. Sometimes tis difficult to get the "tone" of a post.
Sorry.😳

Either way, OP should tell her Ex to shove it up his arse and not mention it again until firm plans have been made in December and that's me being kinda polite. 😁

@Spiderplantqueen Have you considered training them in preparation for sending them up chimneys during the festive period? That would be a tad more exploitative...especially if they only get stale bread and water for sustainance...It could earn you a few quid?
🤦🏻‍♀️