Five-year-old screams intensely over minor injuries, is this normal?

[DaisyEM]

MY 5YO (just turned 5) DS seems to react very badly to pain. Any time he properly hurts himself (i.e a graze or bump to the head etc) he will scream as if he's broken his arm or similar. It's happened a few times in public and people have come out of shops etc to see what's going on (and stand and stare 🙄) because his reaction is so extreme. He's a kind, happy and easy going boy otherwise, but he just completely looses the plot when in physical pain.

i always tell him that crying is ok but the screaming isn't. The last time this happened in public he was screaming 'get me a plaster now' at me (very out of character). He was sat on my lap and I said to him 'mummy can't do anything while you are screaming', and then once he had calmed down I did put a plaster on his knee. I am guilty of popping a plaster on or holding something cool to his skin to help soothe the pain quite quickly. So I do fear that I am too quick to 'fix' it and haven't given him the tools he needs to manage pain.

We try deep breathing with him, I try to talk very calmly and get him to focus on my voice, we try 'shaking' it off and a few other things.

Is this normal? I can't say I've been out and about and seen another child react in this way. Has anyone experienced similar or have any advice?

I hate the idea of him being at school and completely losing the plot and not managing to calm down. He's otherwise emotionally very stable and on his latest school report he was as expected for his age and emotional regulation.

Thanks in advance for any tips!

Could he have sensory processing difficulties? My ds used to be similar but we saw other sensory issues too like a severe dislike of wet or dirty clothes, couldn't stand brushing hair or nail cutting, funny about clothes, always wore a hat to block out too much visual stimulation/lights.

My 11 year old has always been like that - he’s diagnosed autistic and has a lot of sensory issues, so as far as I can tell he is genuinely experiencing much more pain than seems average for such minor injuries, and struggles to focus on anything other than the pain.

Are you seeing any sign of sensory issues? Like under or over sensitive to common noises/textures/feelings other than pain?

Sensory processing disorders are pretty common in young children (and don’t necessarily indicate any other kind of neurodivergence).

If nobody has mentioned extreme reactions to minor accidents at school, my guess is that he only reacts like that at home, because unwittingly, you have trained him to do so. At school adults will.probably just say give it a rub yourself, see you're fine, off you go

When a child falls over etc and it’s minor and the parent says ‘your ok’ ‘your fine’ and distracts them. It teaches them it’s not a problem.
if the same thing happens and the parent makes a fuss of them, rubbing a tiny bump, looking at it intently etc it goes into there subconscious memory that a small accident is bad. So if something worse happens that means it’s really bad.
I don’t know but maybe you without meaning too you drew attention to minor bumps and falls and now he is struggling to understand what a proper graze and bump means.
it may be useful to do some role play with dolls/teddies. They have a little bump and you show them it’s fine. Perhaps you pretend to bump your knee and model it’s all ok.
i’m sure with a little support he will grow out of it.

I hadn’t thought about this - he doesn’t like kisses because of the sensation of wet on his cheek, struggles having suncream put on and his hair brushed. When I was little my mum had to cut all of the labels out of my clothes and I would get very stressed/upset having my hair done. I hadn’t really thought about it much with my DS beyond him possibly being HSP. Do you have any advice on how to manage sensory processing difficulties/help him? Thank you x

It could just be expectation because of taking previous small bumps too seriously, if YSWIM. I’ve noticed that if you’re casual about a small bump and don’t take it too seriously from the start, it’s easier for them to have the same attitude. It may have nothing at all to do with autism at all.

It sounds normal to me. Mine are also dramatic little sods. My (nearly) 5 year old DS is the same. Hysterical until a plaster is on and then magically all okay again. He loves his bike and so we deal with a lot of falls and grazed knees. I’ve found it helps to be super nonchalant over injuries with no running over to them and much better if you can encourage them to walk to you to show the injury. Having said that, I’ve only seen mild improvement so solidarity I suppose but I’m not concerned and think he will grow out of it.

Thank you for replying. I’ve just replied to above comment about sensory processing difficulties. Other things with my DS are not liking kisses because of the wet feeling on his cheek, finding having suncream put on and his hair brushed difficult, oh and I missed off that he doesn’t like things that are tight going over his head. He immediately panics at a tight tshirt being put on and I have zero hope of getting him to put goggles on or a swim hat x

Whenever he comes home with an accident form from school it always says something like ‘cold compress applied’, so it appears they provide something too that may ‘fix’ the problem as far as he’s concerned 😕

This. The teachers won’t pander to it and the other kids will either laugh or find it weird so he will soon snap out of it.

Thank you, I think in all honestly you are probably right. He was not well as a baby and I was a very anxious first time mum for the first few years of his life, and I have always been fearful of him hurting himself. I expect I’ve passed this onto him and he now feels like small accidents are major 😢

Could be sensory processing issues as others have suggested.

Have you had a chance to observe how he reacts when he does experience something which is actually painful? The kind of injury that would make most people cry out?

My DS was diagnosed with autism and also sensory processing issues. When he was 5 he broke his arm, and if he wasn't actually looking at his arm (which was very obviously broken) he was very calm, and chatting away as normal in the car on the way to the hospital. But a very minor bump or someone brushing against him would result in an uproar.

Thank you, this makes me feel a bit better! I’ll keep trying with the coping mechanisms we are trying to teach him but I will also try my best to downplay any accidents and hopefully he learns that he doesn’t need to make a big fuss of every little bump 😕

That’ll be a blue paper towel, fixes everything from nettle stings to broken limbs.

I was very much “oops, you’re fine, up you get”, maybe try that approach a few times and see if it makes a difference.

To be fair with my DS he can have small accidents and be absolutely fine, it’s when it actually does hurt (grazed knees or a proper bump to the head) that he will completely freak out. But he could trip over and bang his knee and get up and be fine. It’s definitely when there is actual pain with broken skin etc, but the reaction still feels far too big for the injury x

One of my DS was like this. He has to have an injection when he was around 5 and he screamed the place down. Trying to get through to him to tell it was done and all over was very difficult as he carried on screaming! He’s done now though and late teens :)

Thanks, parenting is so confusing sometimes 😂 I’ve never super fussed over every little bump, but I always check in with him and make sure he’s ok as felt that was the right thing to do so that he knows that I’m there for him if he needs me, but maybe that was the wrong thing to do 😅

There’s a lot of things you can do to support generally with sensory processing difficulties - lots of advice online or (if finances allow) you could try to see a paediatric occupational therapist - look for one that does sensory integration therapy.

It would be worth asking school how he reacts there, but even from a young age a lot of kids with sensory processing issues know to mask/hide how much something is bothering them in some situations. So even if they don’t see a big reaction that doesn’t prove it’s your anxiety that’s the problem if you see what I mean! But if he can control his reaction in school then he can learn to control his reaction in other places so he’s not causing a massive scene.

Hmm thinking about it, this sounds exactly like my MILs description of my DS’s dad as a child 😂😂

Thank you, I will ask them once he’s back at school and settled in with his new teacher. I’ll also read up on sensory processing difficulties x

Oh god, the dramatics. I know kids like this and it’s a complete bore. He won’t do it at school because other kids will look at him like he’s daft. Some kids are just like this, hopefully he’ll grow more robust. I think you’re handling it well and not pandering to the histrionics.

My autistic 6 year old was and still is very sensitive. He used to come home with head bump forms more often than not when he was in preschool, usually with no visible mark. But he recovers quickly. I think he's record was 8 accident forms in one week!
Now that he's 6 he has gone the other way, he's pointedly extra brave with falling over or scraping himself.

I doubt it's something you're doing wrong, making a fuss over a basically not much over a toddler, isn't going to stop them ignoring you and going back to play if they're ok really.

To put it in line, I hate injections etc and I can even feel mosquitos biting me and I'm also autistic.

Just keep going as you are and things should move on eventually

Thank you very much ☺️ I have a high pain threshold but my husband really struggles with injections and I have to admit he shouts out loudly/makes a fuss over stubbing his toe/banging his head etc, so perhaps it’s a learned behaviour or just that he’s like his dad in that sense. I’ve pointed it out to DH so hopefully he will try and dampen his reactions slightly 😂

"So I do fear that I am too quick to 'fix' it and haven't given him the tools he needs to manage pain."

This is exactly what I came to suggest. I give no attention or reaction when my toddler falls over, I just walk over slowly and ask if she needs help. 90% of the time she just gets up and walks off. It sounds like he's developed a mindset that he has to react very extremely and he's only learnt that from you/his dad.

My boy is 4.

Weirdly he is pretty good with big stuff like head bumps.

But my god he gets a wick on his finger and honestly it’s like hes dislocated an arm.

This did actually happen and we considered A&E after he screamed for 4 hours before passing out. I just thought no that was ridiculous and didnt go because I remember when he had actually had nurse elbow and he went quite quiet.

Anyway a week goes on. He points his wicked finger for a week. A WEEEKKK😂 We had to have a meeting at school to be like ‘I think hes hurt his finger’. We were like he has just wicked the tiniest part.

By the end of the week he started to say his finger really hurt. Yeah, I am not surprised. You have literally pointed it for a week!