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Original poster

Am i off my rocker for wanting to move family to SW France after struggling to settle in Ireland

81 replies

ThisCrazyCat · 07/08/2026 11:02

Haven't been on Mumsnet since the crazy days of all night breast feeding..turning to you now to gather opinion.

Am i off my rocker for considering moving to France (specifically near Pau) with son who would be (11) and three older kids who would be at Uni/starting out in first jobs they will be 17, 20 & 22. We left britain 10 years ago to live in Ireland (i'm irish, dad is british), but the kids haven't settled well; the only one that has settled is the 18yr old who'll be off to uni if we move. When i say the kids haven't settled i mean it; we've had years of camhs with one, and one other had to go to a boarding school as he was being bullied so much in the local school. We live rurally and 11 yr old has next to no friends.

I hate the climate and perma darkness here and want a clean break. I speak medium french..DH and kids speak none, but can learn.

I would love to hear from anyone who took the plunge and emigrated, or even better if you emmigrated to France, and even better again if you emigrated to the SW France!

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Gingerkittykat · 07/08/2026 11:09

Yes, it is crazy, especially since your husban and son don't speak the language!

Why would you settle better in France than in Ireland? Do you have jobs lined up? How would the 11 year old cope with the new school system and making friends in a new language?

Will the older two be coming with you?

Level1469 · 07/08/2026 11:13

Unless you are well-connected in France yes, you're completely off your rocker. Move somewhere less rural in Ireland.

Clarinet1 · 07/08/2026 11:14

Well I’m sorry to hear you and the family have been through so much and I love France myself but I just wonder whether you could be swapping one set of problems for another; French kids can be bullies as well, you might hate the climate there, you’d have the language issue as well. Also your more settled DC will now be coming home from uni to somewhere where he/she knows no one.
Its easy to think “Everything will be fine if we just move/make one specific change” but maybe it won’t.

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purplecorkheart · 07/08/2026 11:15

I don't think it is fair on your husband and kids if they don't speak the language. I think you are trying to use your kids issues to back up your desire to move. They could have had these issues anywhere and honestly if you think Ireland was the cause would it not make more sense to return to the UK. I think your son is at a point in his Education where it would be very hard to move to a new education system particularly when he does not speak the language and the extra work that it would take for him to learn.

Learning a language is very hard as an Adult particularly if you do not have an ear for languages.

I think this move would be selfish and your desire for the sun could be harmful for your family.

TheBayHorse · 07/08/2026 11:16

How would your kids be less isolated in a country where they can't speak the language?

CypressMoon · 07/08/2026 11:18

Yes, that would be a brutal thing to do to children who are already suffering socially - to drop them in a country where they don;t speak the language.

Move back to England maybe, but discuss it with them. they are old enough to have valid opinions on pros and cons.

Nofeckingway · 07/08/2026 11:21

Why France ? Do you have any connections there like family . And have you discussed this at all with your whole family. Personally I think it it is a bad time to move kids at the ages of yours never mind adding a language barrier . You probably have done more research than you've mentioned here but it does seem slightly ill thought out . Rural Ireland can be hard I know unless you are into GAA sports of course . Maybe consider somewhere less rural .

BananagramBadger · 07/08/2026 11:21

French people will be harder to integrate with than Irish people. If you want to move try somewhere coastal in the south of England.

AmethystDeceiver · 07/08/2026 11:22

That sounds rough on the kids OP

Summerinthecity26 · 07/08/2026 11:23

I wouldn’t do it with four kids at those ages. Why do you think it would be better for them?

Bitzee · 07/08/2026 11:27

It’s batshit with one ‘medium’ French speaker between the lot of you. The kids are going to be so isolated. You and DH will be isolated. The only way I’d consider it is if you moved somewhere like the Cote d’Azur with international schools and a solid English speaking expat network but that would be €€€.

Chersfrozenface · 07/08/2026 11:30

What would you live on, OP?

Would you, your DH and the older children need jobs? How will they get jobs without speaking French?

As an EU citizen you can move to France, with your husband and children under 21 as dependents. Older children too if they are genuinely financially dependent on you - if they need jobs it's more complicated.

How will your 11-year-old cope with a much more rigid educational system with no French and none of the experience of that system which his peers would have?

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 07/08/2026 11:34

I think this geographical phallacy unfortunately...

Dreamer2525 · 07/08/2026 11:34

It seems very extreme - maybe move somewhere else in Ireland or even Northern Ireland? Where are you at the minute and maybe we can suggest different areas to try?

France where you are the only one that half speaks the language seems a bit mad. What about jobs?

Tourmalines · 07/08/2026 11:36

What would your husband do for work ?

Boreded · 07/08/2026 11:36

Come on you know you are being unreasonable here…your kids couldn’t settle in a country where they knew the language so you think trying a different one where they don’t know it will what? Be easier?

DeterminedRat · 07/08/2026 11:37

There is a saying 'Wherever you go there you are'. I think you need to really question whether this applies in this case.

Happyjoe · 07/08/2026 11:38

Sometimes it's not the area but us, and moving away the old 'us' and all the problems come to the front again.
But.. if the others are up for the idea, why not? Certainly better weather! You'd need to make sure though, look into jobs, learning more of the language. Is there a way, say next summer, you could rent a place for a while and actually experience it a bit?

Edited to add, as a family we moved countries often. Children do better than folk think they would. We took it all in our stride, but the only thing I would say is when it comes to important school exams, don't move for a bit. Schools massively vary in teaching.

LondonKara · 07/08/2026 11:40

This sounds very much like pure esacpism. I think you've built up a vision in your mind to escape your current (very real) problems, but you have to know that you take yourselves with you wherever you go. It won't be a solution, it will be your existing problems with new ones added in.

Look to smaller incremental changes you can make to improve life. Holidays, maybe move to a more urban area close to where you are now. Life is never perfect.

Arregaithel · 07/08/2026 11:46

DeterminedRat · 07/08/2026 11:37

There is a saying 'Wherever you go there you are'. I think you need to really question whether this applies in this case.

completely agree @DeterminedRat

What are you chasing/running away from @ThisCrazyCat?

NelsonsGhost · 07/08/2026 11:49

You'll have the same problems, just with better weather.

stripesandspotsanddots · 07/08/2026 11:53

NelsonsGhost · 07/08/2026 11:49

You'll have the same problems, just with better weather.

Not necessarily, the weather could just be differently bad. I have family in France (further north) and they have had an awful summer with unrelenting heat that makes it difficult to do much.

Tiddlywinks63 · 07/08/2026 11:53

You really must be bonkers upheaving your family to France without being fluent in the language; you’ll battle with the bureaucracy for a start let lone leave the rest of your family isolated in a country where they know no one, can’t speak the language let alone understand the culture.

PetrolFrogs · 07/08/2026 11:55

Your children are at ages where they will be looking for jobs/ starting new, more intense phases of education. I would not say that’s a good time to move to a country in which no one speaks the language. Even if they do learn it it’ll probably be another few years of feeling isolated whilst they learn. You know the current area doesn’t work for your family so move, but not to a country that will delay everyone’s progress for years.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 07/08/2026 11:55

You’re not making good decisions or at least you’re not centring your kids in your decisions. The last thing they need is to be moved to a country where rhey don’t speak the language. Go back to England and find somewhere where your children are most likely to assimilate well and have continued help for their mental health.