Does anyone else feel sad as their children get older?

[Thefrozenone]

Does anyone else struggle with their kids getting older?

my LO is 3 and I feel it’s gone very quick, I’ve not always enjoyed parts of it due to solo parenting. I feel I’m finally enjoying it properly, I love play time and days out together etc, I cherish our time, but with that I have a lot of sadness and guilt that I didn’t enjoy the first couple of years, and watching LO get older is bittersweet for me - I find it hard that it’s all going so quick but also think there’s so much more good to come just in a different way.

mums with older DC’s, do you ever get over this feeling? Social media doesn’t help - makes me much more emotional about it all.

Yes, wait until they're in their twenties, I wish I could do it all again. It's hard to enjoy the moment, but try, that's a lovely age, easier in some ways than looking after a baby. It's easy to think back that babies are all nice smells and cooing but in my experience it's hard work and exhausting.

Nope. Mine are 5 and 2 and so far at no point have I wished they could be younger again.

@Bristolandlazy do you find it hard? Or is it just a fleeting bittersweet feeling? The thought of LO being twenty and fleeing the nest makes me so sad.

I'd be careful about what you're consuming on social media. I think it is quite normal to feel like this but the feelings can be amplified by social media if that makes sense. I've definitely had to do this for my own mental wellbeing sometimes.

No, I love it. They are now at nice ages where they are still young and sweet but we can enjoy family days out, games, activities together. And have good conversations

Same. On the eve of DDs third birthday the sense of relief that I’ll never again have to parent a two year old was insurmountable.

My two DS are in their twenties now - I love seeing the people they’ve become and supporting what they do. I get to hear about their day, their travels - no regrets or any feeling I’d like them to be young again.

@WhatNoRaisins completely agree - I see lots on there that makes me feel worse or guilty, whereas I wouldn’t have had such strong feelings prior. I have actually set time limits on apps like Instagram and stopped doomscrolling at night!

No. DD is 26 and has grow into a lovely independent young lady. She is back home for a week for a break before going back to her clinical placement.

For my its just more of a pang when I look back at old photos of their squishy faces. I think when theyre so small the changes physically and mentally are so dramatic it is like losing the old child.

But I look forward to each new stage.

DD7 is about to start KS2 and is so so smart. Its fun having a conversation with her. Shes just got into junior bake off and im loving watching it inspire her in the kitchen.

DD1 is close coming upto 2 and saying words and developing her personality. I cant wait until shes a bit older and out of nappies though! But at the same time I already miss baby DD!

Yes totally.
Mine are miracle babies and really shouldn’t be here so I try to squeeze every drop of joy out of them.
They are bloody brilliant human beings and I am supremely lucky to have been given the great fortune of being able to do it not just once.
Seeing them thrive and grow is a joy. I miss them as little ones so much!

Yes, my DD is 15 now, has a boyfriend and is very independent. We are quite close and I enjoy her so much now, but am mindful that she won’t be around for too much longer.

DH had a work trip planned for the end of the year so I’m going to take DD off somewhere for half term, just me and her.

Yes. It's my life's biggest sadness that I have had to be the family's financial provider (DH has a low paid job and zero interest in changing it) and so I had to always work long hours and miss out on my children's childhood. Life goes by quickly and those years with small children are irreplaceable.

Mine are 6 and 4 and I’m equally split between can’t wait for them both to be a good age for proper days out where they want to actually learn something, and also feeling like I’ve not done my best for them as I haven’t enjoyed parenting much.

I’ve worked so much that if I could add up how much time I’ve actually spent with them it’s likely sod all. And I feel like 90% of that time was spent telling them off.

I can’t believe where the time has gone. Come September both will be in school and that’s mind blowing to me as it feels like a flash of time, not years. I feel I missed out on most of my DD first year as I was so ill after the birth and then we’ve been renovating a house and I had a hard time during my second pregnancy due to unresolved PTSD. We try to do fairly regular day trips just to give them something to remember.

I didn’t have a good childhood myself and I want to do better for my two.

@PissedOffNeighbour22 that made me sad to read. You’ve clearly had to make sacrifices for your children and they will appreciate and understand as they get older I’m sure. You can’t turn back time, not everyone enjoys parenting and it is very difficult at a young age.

Yes, especially going on holiday without them as they are now adults but I did meet two of my sons whilst in Cornwall for one afternoon, evening and walked and had a lovely supper by the sea 👌🐚⚓️

Not really as we can’t go back and we have so much to look forward to. I cherish the memories of when she was younger but she’s 7 now and that’s such a lovely age.

I have retired and youngest is now 25, sadly DD died a decade ago so I miss those times for very different reasons to the majority.

I’m making him buy lunch today as he made the mistake of telling me how much he earned last month, I just said you slipped up there mate and laughed.

Make sure you still have a life, children leave home and the women I know who made their children the centre of their universe and absolutely nothing else suffer horribly with empty nest syndrome.

I have two teens. Dd 17 and ds 15. I do miss the times they were younger and cute, quite dependent on me and all the worries were quite superficial. But now they are young adults, funny, smart and I love spending family time with them as it's much more relaxing and less pressured. Although I struggle with the way the worries have changed.

I found parenting really hard. My youngest is now nearly 14. I do miss them.

It's a fleeting feeling, I also enjoy them being grown up, they're lovely to spend time with, relationships evolve. We talk about all sorts of things, they tell me about their drunken antics, friends gossip, we hang out, go shopping, swimming, days out, holiday together. They haven't left home yet, I'm not looking forward to that. I feel happy (mainly) when I think of their childhood, it wasn't always perfect. They've grown up not to be twats. Life does go fast though.

Make sure you still have a life, children leave home and the women I know who made their children the centre of their universe and absolutely nothing else suffer horribly with empty nest syndrome

This is wise advice.
I often read on the WIWIKAU (what I wish I knew about university) Facebook page, and sometimes on the higher education threads on mumsnet, posts from mothers who spend all summer sobbing at the thought of their children going to university.

It is pointless and destructive and makes the student anxious about leaving home.

Children are a major part of our lives when they are small, and it is our job as parents to give them roots and wings. There is nothing worse than having a young adult who has failed to launch.

We shouldn't make our identity all about having children. It is only part of our identity.

I have found that as they grow they have been ready to embrace the next stage and moving on hasn't really been optional for us or them.

Playgroup.to nursery
Nursery to KS1
KS1 to KS2
Prep or High School
6th form
Uni
Post Grad
First jobs
First home
Weddings
Babies

Starting over as a grandparent.

I miss the smaller version of my child, but seeing him grow and develop is rewarding and fulfilling in a way that makes up for it. You can't go back, only forward.

If he gets to twenty and is a functioning adult then I've done my job so I think my pride will outweigh any sadness of 'losing' the younger him.

There's a quote that goes something like, there are two things you need to do as a parent - nurture them when they need it - and let them go when they need it.

(I think it's worded better but that's the gist!)

I sometimes wonder if this is what's behind those grandparents that turn up as soon as the parents take the baby home and expect to be heavily involved. It's because they made motherhood their identity and they don't have anything else.

Ironically the family I always felt closest too were those that did their own thing, had hobbies, holidays etc. and we're rounded people not just a family member. I think this is essential for a good parent to adult child relationship.

Doesn't mean you can always help the sobbing at the next life stage change but you can keep that to yourself.