Bedroom advice - to share or not to share!

[Tree6543]

Hi, looking for opinions please!

We have two daughters, 4 and 2. Currently each in their own room, both decent sleepers. My DH works from home 3 days a week.

His desk is currently in our sitting room. I hate it in there. I struggle to relax. We are debating changing the set up upstairs and I’m not sure which is the best option.

Option 1:
DDs share a room. Beds and toys in the bigger room. Wardrobes and desk in smaller room for DH office

Option 2:
Move around DD2 room, moving toys etc into DD1 room and set up DD2 room as her room with desk in for DH to work in, but use DD1 room for playing in etc.

Downside to option 2 is naps in the school holidays, but often naps are out and about now and can be in pram. After the summer the next break is October and that’s only 1 week.

Would you put the children to share or the office / toddler to share? Room wise both options fit.

Longer term we might look into garden office or other options but not likely in the next few years.

Thanks for any tips!

So, as I said, finding an office space/desk to rent somewhere could be an option?

I would probably look at options in your own room as well. Move out everything that’s possible and shove a desk in there. Can get a fold down one even. But depends a lot on what he needs to have for working - my husband WFH and is in computing so needs loads of kit. I WFH one day a week from my laptop wherever I end up.

Swap your chest of drawers for a secretary desk and you could potentially create a workspace in your bedroom without compromising on storage. We used to have one in our flat for WFH. And you can close it up when done so don’t need to look at ‘work stuff’.

Try sharing, they'll probably love it. I shared with my sister until I was 18. Yes, we argued as teens, but teenagers will argue with anyone.

If the kids are happy to share then give it a go and see if it works. If it doesn’t, try the other option. They are young now so might be fine for a few years, although they will need their own space as they get older.

Thanks everyone. A few things to respond to.

His office is three hours away - he works there two days a week and stays overnight but can’t commute daily (and his role is permanently hybrid, he loves it and this works well for us. We just bought this house with no children and now have two!)

If he was to stop WFH those days it would cost us, we’d need a dog walker, wrap around care etc for the three days we don’t currently need etc so quite big cost implication.

Kitchen table isn’t a great option as his set up is dual screen, keyboard, laptop etc so quite a lot to set to daily.

I think our best options are a desk in older daughters room that can be used for him and her for homework etc when she’s older, or the girls sharing. For now we could trial sharing I suppose and go from there!

Our final issue is he’s 6ft6, so ergonomically his desk just is quite big! And has to be for his size and set up. Hence it takes over quite a big chunk of our living room and therefore just isn’t a relaxing room.

Thank you for all the ideas

Sharing is fine. At this age it can seem exciting and is the obvious solution. Save for a garden office for when/if things turn fractious in years to come!

I wouldn’t make them share - is there anywhere DH can have a wfh nook?

At their current ages, I would say the DDs can share a room. If you are still in the same house & working from home when the eldest gets to high school age, I would revert to having a desk in the lounge at that point.

DH works from home twice a week & his desk is in our lounge, we have nowhere else for it except the kitchen 😂. I get home from work at 3.30pm & can’t really use our lounge until after 5.30pm on WFH days due to Teams calls, meetings etc so I understand why it’s not ideal.

Another idea, you take wardrobes and drawers our of your room for his desk and then put your things into wardrobes in the kids rooms.

Honestly though I’d go with desk in the toddlers room if that’s not going to include dangerous wires etc. one that is in a sort of cupboard that could be shut would be best I think as then even if it’s a longer term thing she won’t feel her room is taken over by his desk.

tbh though my kids all loved sharing when younger it’s only as they get older they don’t want to.

Kids share, mine did until my oldest was 8/9.
Was absolutely fine, as long as they wont keep each other awake? My oldest could sleep through anything so youngest never woke him up when she was crying.

The value to them sharing is getting him out of common spaces during the day so family life can proceed as normal. He shouldn’t be there interfering with regular noise and activity.

I would make the switch. What I would do is add a single bed to his office. That way there is a backup bed for times that sharing is hard. That might be the children. It might be the parents. Anytime someone is sick or restless or just wants some space, they have a better outlet than the sofa.

I would actually avoid putting too many of their day to day items in the office. You don’t want access restricted if he is in a meeting.

I shared a room with my sister from about birth until my brother moved out when we were 15 & 16. I loved it and really miss those days. We fought sometimes, but we got on pretty well and are best of friends now.

Having your younger daughter share her bedroom as an office is not on.

I don’t think anyone can really say whether your DDs should or shouldn’t share, OP, For some it’s the stuff of nightmares & for some it was great.

You won’t know which it will be unless you try, but I do think that as soon as either girl wants her own space she should get it.

Me and my sister loved sharing a room when we were younger. I was about 8 and my sister 10 when we moved into separate rooms

It depends on their personalities, OP! I know that they are only small now, so it might be fine for a few years, but they might not get on so well when they are older.

I found it hard enough to live in the same house as my sibling (noisy, extroverted and generally inconsiderate of other people), and would have rather slept in the shed with than share a bedroom with them!

Given your update I would move them to share. You don’t want a massive desk set up in the middle of a kids’ room with screens and such. What would happen on play dates etc?

But honestly if this is a longer term thing I would look to move a reasonable distance from his work if that’s secure.

I honestly think if I gave them the option of sharing for the rest of their life or moving 3 hours away from our families, their friends, my job, their school and nursery they’d choose option 1!

We don’t want / need to ‘fix’ the hybrid work, that bit works really well for us. We don’t need a dog walker those days, the girls don’t need breakfast club those days, my DH is home 30 seconds after finishing work etc etc. The hybrid isn’t the issue, just where the desk works best :)

Thankfully outside of the school holiday whilst he’s at work we’re at work / school / nursery. So we’ll give sharing a go whilst they’re young, then maybe look at him sharing a desk with the older DD or finding a different desk for the sitting room or cupboard or garden office.

We may even move eventually, but not away from our local area

Thank you for everyone’s ideas it’s been really interesting!

I wouldn’t have your daughters share a room. Could you get one of those snazzy garden offices?

This. We do a similar thing as we both work from home. The girls (7&4) share in bunk beds that they love, and they really enjoy it. Plus the top bunk has some mental privacy and personal cupboards/shelves for eldest. We’ll revisit in a few years and hope to move somewhere bigger around secondary school time, but for now they enjoy it and it frees up space elsewhere in the house.

Not currently, they’re quite expensive and having had two maternity leaves in the last 4 years we don’t have the money at the moment. Long term, we’d be looking to potentially move towards this.

Out of interest to everyone saying don’t share a room at their ages. Is that thinking of them and happiness etc or are you more thinking it’s a nightmare? Because I think they would love it, I’m more concerned they’d just never sleep again!

Anyway, we’ve decided to try that option so I’ll update you all. It might not work, it might only work for a year or two but worth a try we think!

My sons shared at that age it was all fine. When we moved to a house with an extra bedroom they kept having "sleepovers" in each others rooms, I felt we'd wasted a move! But as teenagers they are absolutely separate rooms

Gosh I shared with my sister until I was 17! That was the space available and we made it work….. they’ll be fine and it’s more beneficial for the family to not have someone trying to work downstairs. This way you can all relax.

Thanks. I actually didn’t realise the girls sharing a room would be so controversial! I just wasn’t 100% sure which was the best option but yes, I thought two sisters 2 and 4 sharing wouldn’t be considered that strange to be honest 🙈

Obviously if they hate it or when they grow out of it we’d never sacrifice their happiness for ours so it’ll be a balancing act and we’ll adapt but for now I think they’ll enjoy it, taking on board everyone’s feedback about other options.

I can’t believe moving 3 hours / spending thousands on a garden office that we don’t have can be that much a better option than two young children sharing but I may well eat my words!

They are only little so sharing will be fine now. By the time they need more private space hopefully you’ll have had a chance to save for an outdoor office/room.