Bedroom advice - to share or not to share!

[Tree6543]

Hi, looking for opinions please!

We have two daughters, 4 and 2. Currently each in their own room, both decent sleepers. My DH works from home 3 days a week.

His desk is currently in our sitting room. I hate it in there. I struggle to relax. We are debating changing the set up upstairs and I’m not sure which is the best option.

Option 1:
DDs share a room. Beds and toys in the bigger room. Wardrobes and desk in smaller room for DH office

Option 2:
Move around DD2 room, moving toys etc into DD1 room and set up DD2 room as her room with desk in for DH to work in, but use DD1 room for playing in etc.

Downside to option 2 is naps in the school holidays, but often naps are out and about now and can be in pram. After the summer the next break is October and that’s only 1 week.

Would you put the children to share or the office / toddler to share? Room wise both options fit.

Longer term we might look into garden office or other options but not likely in the next few years.

Thanks for any tips!

First option. I shared with my sister, it was fine.

My mother had to share with her sister as a child & hated it so much that she always insisted none of her children would be sharing.

I was hugely grateful for that because I spent hours reading & playing in my room as a kid & I’d have absolutely hated not having it to myself. My younger sister & I are very close as adults but that didn’t happen until I’d left home, & I’m not sure it would ever have happened if I’d had to share a room with her.

So it could go either way, OP.

Could you put a small desk in your bedroom to avoid the kids having to share? Otherwise the girls share, will be fine when they’re young, and do the garden office before the tricky preteen years.

We're considering getting this so at least we can't see the work ikea computer cupboard

Is there any way a desk could fit in your bedroom? Not ideal I know but none of the options are.

Trial the kids sharing. Don't make any drastic changes to the room. See how it goes. I'd strongly advise keeping office space outside of bedrooms. Not good for sleep or work.

No, a desk wouldn’t fit in our room at all, it’s a very tight fit for our bed, bedside tables, wardrobe and chest of drawers. Downstairs of our house is fairly big but upstairs is tight.

We can try either option and if it doesn’t work try the other, or go back to the sitting room I’m just interested in what other people would guess is the best option to try that first!

If downstairs is big is there another room aside from the sitting room and kitchen that he could work in?

@WhatAMarvelousTune, no, so we have hallway, kitchen diner and sitting room then utility room and downstairs loo. It’s not massive (or probably even big by Mumsnet standards 😂) but much bigger than upstairs. Upstairs we have the three bedrooms, a bathroom and a square at the top of the stairs so no landing (old house).

The sitting room or the two options above are our only options until we can afford something else garden wise but that will be years, we may have moved before then.

The other option is for your husband to work in the office.

Share, option 1.

That way DH can keep all his office stuff together and in one place, he's not contantly setting up and moving stuff around so DD doesn't get it.

You've got years before the MN but how wil they have a double bed / sleepovers / have a desk to study at / have their own privacy etc.

@Tree6543 could you fit it under the stairs in the hallway? I’ve seen many pictures of this set-up.

Or could H just use a laptop at the kitchen table? I’ve been working from home for 5 years and don’t need my own desk.

If possible I’d always make sure kids have their own rooms.

But it’s not always possible.

So assuming your kids get on, and there is no obvious seething resentment from DD1 that DD2 exists, I’d go option 1. But I’d make a big deal of redecorating (at least a bit, you don’t need to do loads for kids to think it’s a big deal) and making it exciting for them both rather than ‘DD2 you’ve lost your room and DD1 you now have to share’. And maybe do something for them in the sitting room too that they couldn’t have before because daddy’s desk was there.

That’s not always an option. My friend works for a company that doesn’t have enough office space anymore and they spell out “teams A and B in the office Monday Tuesday, teams C and D in the office Wednesday Thursday”. You can’t go in on your wfh days, as there won’t be a desk.

There also may be cost implications for the family budget if it’s an expensive commute.

I think dc like sharing when they’re younger. My dgs’s love being together.

Why does his desk being in the sitting room stop you relaxing? Is there something you could do to hide it better?

Could DH find an office space to use?
my DH uses a shared office space during school hols on his wfh days, so the kids don’t distract him

Really depends on the kids. I shared with my sister and honestly I’m surprised we didn’t actually kill each other. We get on fine now but whenever we are on a trip with friends ect (we have a lot of friends in common) and we have to share a room or worse, a bed it’s like we’re kids again. I cannot stand her touching my stuff. I would try and avoid them sharing but that’s just based on my experience.

I'd have toys downstairs, is that not where they're playing at their age anyway? Your wardrobe/drawers in DC room and desk in your room.

What's his working set up? I just used a laptop and a notebook rather than permanent screens etc so was very portable. I ended up building a desk in the kids room and using that as my 'office'. The idea was they'd use it for colouring/homework eventually anyway. They were out at school/nursery whilst I was at work so we didn't ever need to be in the same space at the same time. If anyone was home for the day I was usually the one looking after them rather than working or I'd use an alternative space like the dining table. Wasn't idea but it was better for me than having a working space in my own bedroom or in a shared living space.

If that's a no go and you're intending to build a garden office in a few years then I'd say kids sharing whilst they're little feels very reasonable.

my children who are only a year older than yours share a room - for similar reasons you
mention - and they absolutely love it and sleep fine and natter away to each other in the morning. We have small set of bunk beds and they’re obsessed. In fact, most of my friends/ families little kids share rooms and I did as a young child. I can’t believe that isn’t the obvious solution and people are suggesting your husband work in the kitchen!?
obviously when they’re older they’ll want their own space and you’ll need to rethink. But for now, definitely share.

But op and DH still don't want to stare at his office stuff the rest of the time and I imagine it would be better in a room away from the kids in terms of leaving stuff in his desk

This is MN. Not having one room per child from birth is considered neglect to some posters 😂.

Option one.

2yo won’t be napping much longer and 2 years is a fine age gap for sisters to share. When they’re older they might not like it so much, but cross that bridge then.