Very challenging six month old...

[FluentLemonPlayer]

My six month old baby has been very challenging and very unhappy since two weeks of age. I can honestly say we haven't had a good day since two weeks old...

From weeks 2-10 he grizzled lots, could only be settled upright and over the shoulder during the day but went down well at night. In this time we saw osteopaths, tongue tie practitioners, lactation consultant, GP, tried gaviscon etc.
We got Omeprazol for silent reflux at ten weeks and saw a slight improvement, he could finally be held flat and cradled. It felt like a miracle... I was beginning to see the light!
At thirteen weeks he began screaming at the breast and waking every two hours at night. We started Co sleeping.
His silent reflux worsened at four months and increased Omeprazol dosage, no effect. Feeding aversion rapidly worsening.
We've since moved to highest possible dosage of zoton (lansoprazole) due to trapped wind caused by Omeprazole. I'm breastfeeding. Dairy free and have tried various hypoallergenic formulas.

He's miserable all day. He has random, unpredictable meltdowns. He loudly hums/groans during day. He has a very low tolerance for his buggy (stroller seat upright, random meltdowns) and carriers. He hates the car seat. He screams when put down. He has a meltdown after five mins on his playmat with me. Changing clothes and nappies have very recently become unbearable. He'll breastfeed for three minutes or so and throw himself off the breast, arching his back, looking away, but doesn't seem in pain. Takes max 1.5oz from a bottle.
Hospital and paeds have told us to keep feeding and ride it out...
He's only happy if I carry him on my hip all day. He doesn't back and forth coo/babble and you need to work hard for a smile. He'll coo to himself when he wakes in the morning.
He's intensely challenging in all aspects, feeding (milk) , play, sleep (all naps are contact) , daytime and we're house bound with him.
I'm beginning to suspect he may be neurodivergent. He's extremely restless when sitting with him in your arms and is dying to move/crawl. We've recently started solids and he's enjoying this. Husband thinks he's hungry and a velcro baby. Ultimately, we just want to help him (and us!) be less miserable. Parenting him has felt inherently different to my friends experiences. We're living on eggshells with him all day. Any help/advice/solidarity so appreciated.

@FluentLemonPlayer This sounds very challenging and exhausting.

Can you ask your Health Visitor to call, assess the situation and advise ?

I'm convinced some babies do not enjoy being babies.

The only advice I have is do not become housebound. It's isolating and terrible for your own wellbeing. Make it your mission to get outside everyday. Even if he cries through it. As he gets older it'll get easier to figure him out. At the moment it's just one foot in front of the other.

I don’t know anything about reflux as that wasn’t an issue for but there’s a lot of similarities with my youngest. He is actually ND and it’s only looking back I can attribute some of the early signs.

Obviously no one can say your child is or isn’t and there’s a high chance they’re just a high needs baby. but no harm will come if you use some approaches that might support their needs. I work with ND children now and this is a useful book

https://www.asensorylife.com/understanding-your-babys-sensory-signals.html

it sounds very draining and hard for you do get as much support as you can.

Please try a cranial osteopath for babies if you haven't already. Miracle workers.

Might be ND as my difficult baby is an ND 8 year old.
It does get easier but it’s so hard when they’re small.
I did go out a lot but not to baby groups, walks round the shops, walks in the countryside baby stayed in the buggy but was happy because there was lots to look at. mine slept in the car so I’d drive round and when they nodded up I’d park up and read and eat my pack up.
It’s not easy

To me, this sounds like a child in pain.

Everything you describe - the clinginness, unable to be put down, unable to sleep unless being comforted, can’t stand being squashed up in a car seat, can’t stand being flat on his back, feeding aversion, not smiley, crying and arches his back… those are all signs of pain.

You mention you are dairy free - are you completely and utterly dairy free - are you sure?

Could you try going gluten free?

Ps both my dc’s needed contact naps. Both ebf. Dc1 had dreadful silent reflux.

Dc2 was worse at first and vomited an awful lot, poor little thing but responded well when I made my diet incredible plain - no dairy, no onions, no tomatoes, low fat, low gluten, no caffeine. I avoided anything that might excite his digestive system! I also lost a bundle of weight.

Neither of my kids are ND.

This sounds tough. I second speaking to your HV because it sounds like you’ve tried lots of things already. I also agree it sounds like pain/discomfort, as a mum of a baby with CMPA.

Have you ever thought about a soy allergy? They can go hand in hand with dairy allergies so dairy free may not be enough.

@FluentLemonPlayer Sorry you're going through this, it is very difficult, I hope you get some support to look after yourself as parenting a high needs baby is exhausting.

I went through very similar thing with my child, in fact i wrote this post around this age: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/5146032-7-month-old-adhd-asd?latest=1

My son is 2.5 now, still very intense and full on and likely ND, but we're all doing much better. First year was brutal.

It's hard to say what the future holds at this age and I hope it gets easier for you. Always happy to chat if you'd like :)

Absolutely don't allow yourself to become housebound. I've always found my daughter hard work at home, but so much easier out and about. I'd really persevere with the pram and carrier. Go somewhere quiet for walks or to baby groups, all the babies there will cry at some point!
Don't worry about contact naps, mine didn't nap on her own til she was well over 12 months. I'd try and reframe as much as you can to what is normal for babies rather than labelling everything as a challenge.
I'd really recommend the Possums approach for babies particularly look at 'infant sensory motor needs'. They really advocate that babies who seem 'fussy' are in fact bored, particularly in the home.
Free Resources | Possums Baby Sleep & Breastfeeding

Thanks so much for this recommendation. I also work with ND children and just want to do my best to help him. He seems so disregulated a lot of the time. So hard as it's often written off as 'just baby being a baby'.
Is there anything you know now that you'd wish you'd known then?
Thanks so much

How is your little one now. Knowing them now is there anything you'd have done/tried differently. It's very challenging at the moment

He certainly isn't enjoying his baby hood!

We've made more of an effort to get outside this week, little and often seems to work better. Thanks so much

Thanks for this. What were your baby's cmpa symptoms? We have no usual symptoms but have very bad silent reflux. Did cutting soy help?

Wow, well done on the eliminations, it's so hard to tell day to day. What was your food sensitive baby like? He doesn't cry all day as such, just whines all day and has random meltdowns (thinking temperament)

Thanks for this. Possums is a great resource!
I definitely agree re the boredom, it's just so hard when he's still fussy out and about

Oh my goodness, the similarities are unreal!
I feel like you're describing my baby!
When did you begin to see change or did things begin to feel somewhat easier?
Thanks so much

This!!!!

Luckily my baby is okay with soy, but it was something the dietitian warned us to look out for when weaning.

He wasn’t diagnosed with CMPA until 5 months. He constantly wanted to be fed, but was uncomfortable after feeds. He suffered from trapped wind and a mix of constipation/loose stools. He was also very often grizzly.

He was like a different baby when we changed his milk.

I'd also recommend an osteopath, I took mine at about 4/5 months and I did see a difference. Particularly if you had a long/difficult birth.
Just go out to places where you can move away from others - noisy pubs are actually great! Or anywhere outside or that it aimed at families. i went to so many church toddler groups, they are free or very cheap, they are so loud no-one will notice your baby, and your baby will have lots to look at! And you can talk to other parents.

I had a very similar baby and I send out my sympathies because I know how hard it is.

In the end I realised I had to take charge to force sleep to happen for him because he didn’t seem to be capable of it by himself.

These things worked for us. We co slept (ebf baby) following all the key safety rules (dp took the spare room) and for my ds that helped him sleep better and longer at night and for afternoon naps.

I gave up on buggy and took him everywhere in the sling. I worked out he could sleep better on me for a mid morning nap and I walked around at that time and danced and swayed until he drifted off. He needed to be in the sling on me as much as possible during the day. I let him cluster feed as much and as often as he needed which helped reduce crying.

Your ND suspicions could be right and mine is and is a lovely chatty and clever boy doing very well now as a teen!

With slings it was trial and error for us. I dismissed them because the one we originally had neither he nor I were comfy in. But with the right sling the difference was absolutely radical. Sling libraries are really helpful as they can show you ones which are easy to put on and fit your back and you can trial to see which your baby likes.

Mine were like this. Both improved once they were mobile at six/seven months and were significantly better once walking. They weren't medicated but had very severe reflux (vomited 24/7) and my theory was that their digestive system worked better upright as well as it maturing.

Both of mine were the same unfortunately, and they were very close in age so it was a dark period for me. During the worst period I remember we had a MN support thread as a few of us were suffering.

Now that mine are primary aged they are both absolute joys and seem much happier and better adjusted. Both are intelligent and sporty, so I decided they must have hated being babies!

I have no advice to offer because I did pretty much become housebound and, by the time they started to improve at around 2, COVID hit and I actually was housebound (and almost alone as my husband worked long hours).

All I can offer is solidarity, some hope and a suggestion of putting earplugs in and leaving the room now and again..!

This also is my story. I came here looking to see if anyone is in the same boat. My baby has always been a hard baby. And she's now 6 months. We avoid going out as much as we'd like as she screams so much and does not give in. She's still waking around 6 times a night it's so hard