13 year old staying at boyfriends house

[Haggishunter1]

Hi,

This is my first post. I am looking for some advice.

i have 2 autistic daughters

i have a 13 year old who has her first boy friend.

i am having a domestic with my wife.

my wife thinks it t is appropriate for a 13 year old stay at her boyfriends house.

i think this is in appropriate.

who is right?

many 🙏

School holidays again, I thought you would be having a lie in!

I can’t sleep - it is really bothering me.

im 53 and feel like having a word in his dads ear!!

Not appropriate. We had some absolute hard rules on this. No sleep overs until 6 months in. And none at all at 13.

No boys in bedrooms at all (from 11 onwards) at that age either.

I said to my daughter when I was at school in Glasgow in 80’s. That wouldn’t have been considered!

Absolutely not appropriate.

I said if you went on a holiday or a trip with the boy weans family - then that would be different. There would be a valid reason to sleep somewhere else.

i thought that was fair. The boy wean stays 5 mile away!

I have a nearly 15 year old daughter and still wouldn’t allow it.

Any advice would be appreciated.

My wife got a later life diagnosis of autism and ADHD 2 years ago.

so I have:

wean 1 - autism and rare genetic disorder - 16
wean 2 - autism - 13
Er in Doors - autism & ADHD

I’m a fruitloop.

does anyone else have autistic partner?

im starting to think it would be better for everyone if i was here anymore!

Thank you very much for posting a response. I never used a forum below. Thank you

No, not appropriate. Why can’t she come home in the evening?

Nope. Not a chance, nothing going on in a relationship at 13 should need to involve overnights or extended periods of time alone in rooms.
I get they want that, they want 'privacy' but it should all still be juvenile at that age.
Girls especially can be pressured by their peers at that age, not even just their boyfriends but other girls and boys in their peer group.
It's best to ensure you take as much of that pressure away, oh sorry my dad really won't let me stay over.

Say whatever you want really and I'd have a nice word with the boys dad and explain you don't think it's appropriate for a 13 year old girl to be staying there given you both know what teenage boys can be like - he will probably agree and join forces with you!

Absolutely not appropriate. I was a teenage girl myself once!

What's wean 1, wean 2 and Er in Doors?

no young teenager should do overnights with tenor boyfriend / girlfriend.

No, this is not ok. you’re her parent too and you should stop this.

I stayed at my boyfriend’s when I was 13. In his sister’s room though. It was still nice to have our morning together, have breakfast together etc. it was sweet, not sexual.

Moving past the Er Indoors, no your 13 year old daughter isn't doing sleepovers with her boyfriend. Get in the car and go and pick her up and bring her home.

Hi there.

We're sorry to hear that you're having such a difficult time, OP.

Please have a look at our Mental Health Webguide, which contains details of several organisations and support services that may be helpful to you.

Please do reach out for support if you feel able to, as you don't have to cope with this on your own.

Best wishes,
Faye
MNHQ.

There is no reason pal!

Thanks very much for the help. It is not happening. But I am getting made out to be unreasonable, like I’m a strict Victorian father.

i know it’s not the weans Dad’s fault, but I’m starting to dislike him. Is that abnormal?

no used forums before, so apologies if this not the patter!

Absolutely not.

If it’s a matter of distance ie, unsafe to get home and no other means of transport, then I’d speak to the parents and ensure as far as possible that they are well separated and give your DD the full details re consent/contraception etc. If not, then there’s no need.

My nearly 16 year old is just now allowed to stay at her boyfriend of 14 months' house. We have spoken to his parents and they have separate rooms.

A wean is a Scottish kid

Er in Doors is a slang term for with from an old TV show called minder - The golden-era setup was:

• Arthur Daley — George Cole: dodgy entrepreneur, used-car dealer and relentless inventor of nice little earners.
• Terry McCann — Dennis Waterman: ex-boxer and Arthur’s minder, usually the poor bugger who had to sort out whatever disaster Arthur had engineered.

13?! She’s a child. Absolutely completely not.

Don't allow your child to stay at the persons house, go and get her. Inform the other child's parents that your child is absolutely not to stay there.

Being seen as unreasonable or Victorian is completely fine, you're the adult and this is bare minimum, basic safeguarding.

Sorry you're feeling suicidal, use the support links MN posted up thread.
Be confident in keeping your vulnerable child safe.

OP. No, no and no.
I held a mixed birthday sleepover at this age. Boys in sitting room (with Dad in next room with access to garden). Girls in tent in garden (me in bedroom which overlooked the garden). Two kids still tried to break rules at 3am. Never again.

She is a child. You are her parent, not her pal. Don't worry if she complains. Don't mind if your wife doesn't get it. You are doing the right thing by her.