sick with stress over 2 year old's eating

[PiedPiper89]

My 2 year old is obsessed with food and I'm stressing myself out not knowing if I'm handling it the right way.

She has a healthy appetite but is quite picky, which I know is normal, especially around vegetables, and often refuses the meals we offer. When we're busy or out and about it's manageable as she's distracted but we're really struggling with the post-nursery, pre-bed period. At nursery she has 3 meals and 2 snacks per day but still comes home starving. We offer a substantial snack (like banana and toast, greek yogurt and fruit etc) but she just screams for cereal and won't touch anything else. She could easily eat 2 toddler bowls of cereal and ask for more.

Another things I'm worried about is that she always wants what my husband and I are eating. We can't eat around her outside mealtimes without her screaming for our food. We usually say no, which leads to a tantrum, but I don't know when to hold the boundary and when to just let it go. Should we avoid eating in front of her altogether?

She's just turned 2 and weighs 13kg. She's a solid toddler, average height with slightly chubby arms/legs and a big toddler pot belly. I'm terrified of her growing up overweight but I'm also terrified of giving her issues around food. She just doesn't seem to have an 'off button'. My dad has commented a few times that she 'doesn't stop eating' and makes me feel like a terrible mother who is letting her child get obese.

All my friends with kids stress about them not eating, or not eating enough so I feel very alone with this problem.

I thought that might be the case. Not being patronising, just… there’s a certain tone in your posts.

It doesn’t have to be one or another. Just have more of your snack so you can share with her or just share hers and count calories on that instead. Does she get a choice at all on her food / snacks?
That plate you made her, would she have actually eaten it all normally?

If she’s hungry, feed her. If you give her a snack while your eating something different, just give her what your eating. If she’s starving by the time you get back from nursery, have car snacks ready so she can snack in the car. My dd is 3.5 and I feel like days evolve around her food. She’s a hungry little girl, got lots of growing to do. I’ve learnt when she asking for food out boredom and know when to say no

My toddler is a similar age and weight. Toddler has just had a growth spurt and I can now see their ribs (still chubby arms and legs).

I don't think you should give in to tantrums for cereal. If they are eating well at nursery, the suggestions of others (whatever you are having for tea) is a good one. My partner and I eat with our toddler between 6.30 and 7 even on nursery days - they had tea at nursery, even if they say they are hungry, I know they can actually wait. Distract if necessary. Most of the time my toddler only picks at whatever we are having,maybe has fruit afterwards. Sometimes toddler is very hungry and eats a full portion!

Have you spoken to nursery about how big their portions are? My 3 year old is a 98th centile giant with appetite to match most of the time, their portion for sandwiches was one triangle the size of 1/4 of a piece of bread, beans on toast was half a slice of bread and one tablespoon of baked beans which just isn’t enough for a meal for him. Their ‘tea’ is also served at 3.30 so he’s always had an actual dinner after nursery when he gets home and we all eat together, so lots of batch cooking and slow cooked dinners so it’s ready as soon as possible when we walk through the door, or snacky plates in the summer as he’s had (several portions of) their actual cooked dinner for lunch.

if the food you’re eating is healthy I’d just make a bit extra to give to her, I agree with others it’s asking for trouble to eat different things in front of her. My son had a phase for a while of wanting to eat from my plate so I just put half his food on my plate. If he doesn’t want his dinner I don’t make a fuss but he knows he’ll only have plain crackers or toast and butter as an alternative, with fruit as I’d give that anyway.

speaking to his friends’ parents it seems some are ravenous after nursery, some aren’t hungry at all and some it depends on the wind, but it’s not a battle I want to have every night!

Added to the above I was worried for a while that their small portions were normalising him asking for more food at every meal because they gave all kids the same regardless of the fact they knew he would have 2 or 3 portions - he did it for a while at home, shot up seemingly 5cm in 2 weeks and now has stopped at home!

I can't understand the reasoning for differing foods at the same time? This seems odd. Is this related to restricting/optomising her or your diet?

Sorry I've just seen this. I think if your restricting is to the extent you're upset she wants some of yours or you can't risk putting on an extra slice, you need to recognise your eating issues aren't in a healthy place and need addressed before it starts causing long term impact on your daughter.

You are being very strange. Your child is hungry, feed her. And obviously a 2 year old will want what you are eating. Just make a portion for her too. And frankly fruit and toast if she's hungry just might not be good enough. If I came home from work starving and someone insisted I can't have proper hot food and I have to stick to fruit and yogurt or whatever, I'd lose my shit.

Absolutely this. You need to sort out your own issues, it's going to affect her relationship with food. Especially with a girl you have to be so careful. I'd really recommend Sarah Ockwell Smith's The Gentle Eating Book, I think it would help you a lot.

You really should be eating together at 2. Why are you not feeding her what you eat?

This works for you. It does not work for all kids.

Your way set me up with some pretty major food issues for life. It also would have seen my daughter starve.

This. And interestingly when they did research into which factors lead to higher educational success, the only factor which was consistent was whether the family ate together!

I don't think it makes sense for you to eat in front of her and refuse to share. If anything surely it is a good sign she is interested in your "adult" food? Also, as others have said - find out about portion sizes at nursery. My DD is 27 months and is 92nd centile for height and weight and eats considerable more than many of her peers! She is just a generally larger toddler with an appetite to match - we just make sure she mainly eats healthy, diverse food but I wouldn't restrict her!

I’d stop the cereal as it’s not healthy or giving any nutrition really.
is she really eating the meals at nursery??
Agree with all pps that you should just eat as a family. Don’t give in to junk food! X

Why can’t she eat what you and your husband eat, and sit at the table with you?