What time would you expect a three and five-year-old to go to sleep?

[Cookserella]

I have three kids, aged 1, 3 and 5.

The one-year-old goes to bed at 7pm, very easy, straight to sleep by himself.

The other two are a total pain. They share a bedroom which possibly doesn't help, but we've decided we need a total reset on bedtimes as it's taking over our evening.

It occurred to me that they might actually not be going to bed at the correct time. What time would you expect a three-year-old and a five-year-old to be asleep?

The 330-630 period isn’t actually three hours, it’s more like nine. (I’m joking obviously but sometimes it does feel like it!)

Children do have different sleep needs and eleven hours is perfectly normal for this age. So if you don’t want them up at 6 8 is fine. Unfortunately DD wakes early no matter what time she goes to bed!

Thanks all for your gentle criticism of my parenting 😂

We expect high standards of behaviour and they are generally really good kids.

I am not sure what a consequence of misbehaving a bedtime is. They really don’t get much I could take away! TV time is quite disconnected from bedtime to be effective but it’s about the only ‘treat’ they get.

What other consequences do you do?

Thanks all for your gentle criticism of my parenting 😂

We expect high standards of behaviour and they are generally really good kids.

I am not sure what a consequence of misbehaving a bedtime is. They really don’t get much I could take away! TV time is quite disconnected from bedtime to be effective but it’s about the only ‘treat’ they get.

What other consequences do you do?

I wouldn't do punishments for bed times but I would do rewards instead. Stickers on a chart and 3 stickers for no messing around and they get a reward. Then when they get the hang of it eek it out to every 7 stickers.

I've done "mummy is too tired/needs to do jobs that she should have done last night so we can't go TO X today". With X being something they really want.

I think a five year old going to bed at 6.30 is vastly unusual. Many five year olds don't finish after school club til 5.30pm (and some 6pm). There are plenty of extra curriculars for 5-7 year olds that don't finish til 6pm or even 7.

When I had a 5 and 3 year old they went between half 7 and 8. Now I have a 5 and 7 year old they go between 8 and half 8. I don't tolerate any messing about though. I'm a primary teacher and I don't have any patience for that after dealing with children all day.

I am also waiting with bated breath for a meaningful consequence that will stop a three year old in their tracks!

Hadn't read this when I posted but I just use tone of voice. You say it in a way that children understand you are serious. I know people think this doesn't work on their kids but it does - teachers do it every day with entire classes, which will include some very challenging characters. I agree consequences at bedtime are tricky.

My 5 year old goes up to bed at 19:45, she gets a bedtime story and a cuddle. She’s normally asleep at 20:00.

If she’s not tired she’ll read to herself or play with her toys until she drifts off.

That isn’t a consequence though. This does sometimes stop DD but would also make her cry and clingy and exacerbate the staying in bed problem.

No it's not a consequence, that's the point. But my children know not to mess about because they understand from my tone of voice. So do my children's friends. So does the class I teach. It takes time and takes practice but it's why children mess about for some supply teachers (ie adults they've not met before and don't have a pre-formed judgment about) and not others - it's a skill like anything else.

Well yes and if that works you don’t need a consequence. Some children aren’t bothered or perturbed by it though (or it upsets them so much that you can’t get them to comply anyway.)

Maybe reframe it then and reward just the good behaviour instead.
Like I said earlier, make a poster of ‘rules’/expectations and a reward chart with a treat at the end of the week if they go to bed nicely. A trip to the park/favourite chocolate bar/extra TV time - whatever you think might work for them.

I also suggested sending the middle child to bed at the same time as the baby and the older child half an hour later.

My eldest at that age would've been asleep by 7.30PM. My current 5 year old is horrendous at going to bed and usually falls asleep somewhere between 9 and 10pm which doesn't feel like enough sleep for that age but he just doesn't seem to get tired!

Mine is the same; he does sleep late ish (around 730)

I am putting it down to the heat.

I think rewards for good behaviour or settling down in their beds quickly is much more effective than punishments for bad behaviour/messing around.

When mine share a room on holiday I have to put the younger one to bed first and then creep in with the older one once little one is asleep. But I understand that's not ideal if your 3YO takes ages to fall asleep...

8:30 start bedtime routine, asleep by 9:30 to 10 for my 5 year old..

But that only works because I'm non-UK and kids here still nap. In fact there is a mandatory nap in kindergarten (which lasts until 6 years old) so no way they are sleeping at 7pm...

I'm a bit jealous of how much evening time UK parents must get to yourself if your kid is asleep by 7:30... But on the other hand I feel id miss so much of the evening that I have with my son if that were the case.

I have a 2 year old and a 6 year old and they both go to bed and are asleep within minutes at 8pm. I have often tried earlier than that with both of them and they mess around, try to get up or keep calling me back so I've given up and keep it fixed at 8pm. The 6 year old wakes anytime from 6am, the 2 year old wakes around 7.30am.

7

It depends on the kids and their sleep needs tbh. My kids are 7 & 5 and go to bed at 8, asleep by 8.30-9. But my 7yo is low sleep needs so he often doesn’t fall asleep until 9.30. They are both up at 6.30ish, 7yo wakes up easily whereas 5yo may sleep in a bit more.
when they were younger we did 7.30 bedtime and asleep by 8-8.30. They have been sharing a room since baby was 14m.

Asleep between 7-8pm

My 4 yo goes to bed at 8pm and we have no issues with him at that time. He gets up at 7:30am ish.

He Is in childcare 5 days a week to with no naps

My 4yo is in bed between 7-7.30 every night. Wakes between 7-8

Neither of mine would have been ready to get into bed for stories at 18:15 at 5yo. It’s very hot here at the min and mine has been going to bed nearer to 10pm which is too late. Normally it’s about 20:30/9 and she gets up about 7:30. She does have an older sibling rather than younger sibling though, which also doesn’t help.

By 3, mine was going to bed probably around 8:30 ish. Sometimes earlier, sometimes later. We are not an early dinner and to bed sort of family though. Definitely by 5, more like 9pm. By that I mean asleep, not into their rooms.