What time would you expect a three and five-year-old to go to sleep?

[Cookserella]

I have three kids, aged 1, 3 and 5.

The one-year-old goes to bed at 7pm, very easy, straight to sleep by himself.

The other two are a total pain. They share a bedroom which possibly doesn't help, but we've decided we need a total reset on bedtimes as it's taking over our evening.

It occurred to me that they might actually not be going to bed at the correct time. What time would you expect a three-year-old and a five-year-old to be asleep?

The same time! Maybe even earlier as they presumably don't have naps and the baby does? So, anytime from 6.30-7.30 is reasonable

My girls are 6 & 4 now but they’ve being going down by 7pm. Only recently the 6 year old now reads for an extra 30 mins before I go up to turn the light off.

they do both get up at 6am though

Mine were in bed by 7 at that age, stories and cuddles and lights out by 7.20/30!

7.30, we start the story etc well before that

My 5 year old is in bed by 7 and asleep by 7.30 most nights.

Thanks all for your helpful replies. In my mind, lights out by 7.30 felt reasonable but I wanted to sense check it!

I think we need a total change of bedtime routine as at the moment they’re still bouncing off the walls at 8.30. They don’t seem ready to sleep at all at 7ish but I think we will work on moving it back towards that.

What time do they get up each morning?

Our 3YO normally starts bedtime at 6.30-7ish and is asleep for 7.30 most nights. We’ve tried later bedtimes to try for a sleep in the following morning but he still wakes up at 6.30am except extra grouchy, so earlier the better for him.

My DC never went to bed at 7pm even when they were little. Their bedtime was always 8pm and they slept til 6.30/7am. I would have loved the 7-7 routine but it never seemed to work with them. They always went straight to sleep at 8pm so I just thought that was their natural time to sleep!

The 3-year-old wakes up between 6.30 and 7 pretty consistently, so I reckon he’s getting around 10-10.5 hours of sleep a night (not enough).

The 5-year-old often has to be woken for school at 7.30 so is obviously quite tired (although does sometimes randomly wake up earlier). So I reckon he gets around 10.5-11 hours.

Mine are 3 and 5 and share a room. Bedtime is 7pm and they wake at 7am.

I wouldn’t be putting up with any nonsense 🤷‍♀️

My five year old DS is going to sleep any time between 9 and 10 at the moment 😩 Far later than I’d like but it’s just so hot and stuffy even with a fan.

Three year old DD is between 7-730. If we have a nap at any time in the day which is unusual but not completely unheard of, it’s more like 9.

7 - 7:30

My 2 and 4 yr.realistivally are asleep on a good night at 7.40/7.45 (this is 1 night in 10)
A bad night is 8.40-8.50

The rest of the time its around 8-8.15 ...

I dont "put up with nonsense" 👍 and I would smugly say my children went to bed 7-7 . Both children did 7-7 with a 12-3 nap as then I went back to work after 2nd mat leave

But sleep patterns change, I work and so does DH and they are in childcare until 6...they are in bed at 7 doing stories but by the time the wind down and get regulated.its more like 7.45 -8

Tea time, bath time, story time, bed. No deviations. Does your husband get involved? If he does then divide and conquer: read the 3 and 5 year old stories in different rooms. One in their bed one in yours. If they are prone to jumping off the walls, sit in the doorway and nip any messing about in the bud. I would leave the third child in the parental bed to fall asleep and move them later.

I would say we’re very much ‘no nonsense’ parents but it seems really difficult at the moment.

Current timings are 6.30 bath, 7 story, 7.30 get into bed and lights out. Then we have an hour at least of them jumping around, running around the house, and us putting them back to bed again and again and again…

We have tried separating them, but to be honest I don’t want to hang out with DS5 downstairs until 8.30 while DS3 mucks about not sleeping. Much as I love him, I’ve had enough by that point and I’d like an evening!

What are the consequences for mucking around?

This is a great question. I think we really struggle to give good consequences. The only thing they really care about is TV time and to be honest taking that away punishes me as much as them as I use their (limited!) TV time to make dinner. I’m a SAHM.

We try and do natural consequences (eg “you were told not to kick that ball in the house, now the ball will go away”). But it seems less obviously with bedtime. Taking stories away feels counterproductive.

Take away screens for a week. Sod that. They'll have to amuse themselves while you cook etc. Get a backbone now before they're old enough to argue back.

They need you to hold the boundary and get them to sleep. They're messing around because they can.

I would say bath at 6:30 is way too late. If tea is at five at the latest then in the bath by 5:45. Into bed by 6:15 for stories.
No one comes downstairs again. Why would you be hanging around with the five year old on the sofa?

Mine were 7pm still at that age. I think that’s a tricky age to share, I remember we tried a couple of nights and it was a disaster (a year later it was fine).

Honestly what you’ve described doesn’t sound like no nonsense parenting. Natural consequences and all that. You need to be firmer, harsher, or they will run rings around you.

I think most consequences for children of around three are meaningless. It’s very difficult to actually enforce something like staying in bed. I have this the opposite end - DD often wakes before 6 and sometimes she’ll go back to bed (not to sleep) and sometimes she won’t but if anyone can give me a meaningful consequence for a child of just 3 for getting out of bed I’m all ears!

They need solid consequences for messing around at bedtime.
Could you make a bedtime chart (or any time really) of what you expect from them and what the reward/consequences will be. Don’t forget to reward good behaviour.
Also, have you tried putting the 3 year old to bed at the same time as the baby and then the eldest child half an hour later?
You just need to have firm boundaries and consequences.

I'm always so suprised by early English bedtimes ( not meant as a criticism just such a curious difference). How do you get it all done by 7pm? My DH doesn't come back from work until 6:30. Then he spends some quality time with DS (4) and we eat all together around 7:30 and DS is going to bed around 8:30. He is asleep around 9 pm (10 on a bad night). He wakes between 6 and 8 the next morning.