Youngest in the year - what would you do / have you done?

[Izzasaurus]

My DD is the only child in the family on both my DH's side and mine, and I don't have any close friends with children, so I feel a bit short on sources of advice and would be really grateful for anyone's thoughts!

DD will be 3 this August. She's an end-of-August kid so will be the youngest in her school year unless I hold her back.

I know I still have a bit of time to decide but I would love to hear other people's advice and experiences. For context, DD has been in nursery full time since my MAT leave ended and will be moving up to the pre-school there in September, but sadly won't be able to attend the primary school associated with the pre-school, so those friendships will likely be lost except for the ones I can actively help her keep up with through parent mates.

She seems on track with things for her age. My main point of comparison are the other kids in her nursery group, all of whom are older. She seems to hold her own with them. She's chatty, socially and physically confident, very articulate (can already out-debate me if I'm not careful... although I do set quite a low bar for her in that regard...), and decent at following instructions most of the time. Not great with drawing / precise mark-making but starting to be more interested. Can recognise and do the right phonic sounds for most letters. Out of nappies for a year now. My impression is that she'll be fine starting school a year in September.

But a couple of things have given me pause. I know that achievement-wise, kids born late in the year tend to do worse. I know from my own personal experience that being very young in the year can be a bit rubbish in other ways. A couple of people have told me they definitely plan to keep their summer-born kids back so that they can have more time with them and give them more space to grow in confidence. And given that I could possibly afford to drop some hours in future, I'm wondering whether having the chance to get lots of 1:1 extra time with DD before she starts primary school might be a lovely thing for us both. I feel I've missed out on so much with her by being full time.

Then again... as I can't give up work completely, perhaps she'll end up really bored on the days when she would be left still attending pre-school... I also don't want to do her a disservice if she's ready to progress.

All views would be very welcome!

She sounds ready for school in her normal year group

I wouldn’t hold her back unless you had strong cause for concern about her development and it sounds like you don’t. Lots of children are summer born and it all evens out in the end. My sister is a head teacher and she says that you know a summer born initially but it all comes out in the wash x

DS is end of August and he started when he was just 4. I would have loved to have held him back but we couldn't at the time. My DDs are also both summer babies, and also probably would have benefitted from being held back a year. But then I am of the view that starting school at 4 is insanely early anyway so ...

And to add: my sister did hold her prem August baby back (was meant to be born in September) and he thrived in school.

My eldest was born August 31st, so the youngest she could be - she went at her normal time and it was the right thing for her.

This is your decision to make but I've had friends who did this and whilst it was good for primary school they have to stay in their year group for the whole of school.. even if they catch-up. So actually leaving school as a teenager a year later too. Lots to think about.
My teacher friend didn't defer her tiny August 29th 8 weeks early DC for exactly that reason and even tho he struggled a bit by Y4 he'd caught up..

She sounds ready. I was the youngest in my year and there were no problems at all for me. My younger sister is born in the same month but two years after me. She struggled. My mum wished she held her back. It's so individual. You know your child best. But from what you have said she sounds ready to me.

You just need to decide if you are driven by anecdotes or research and data.

Most anecdotal stories you hear will make you feel like you should send her to school when she’s just turned 4 as she’ll be fine, whereas research/data will claim the opposite.

It’s a hard decision to make OP, I’ve been there so I understand the quandary.

I wouldn’t hold back. They have to catch up at some
point.

Absolutely feeling this dilemma! Hard too because of course the research can only identify trends and can't tell you how any individual kid will do, which makes listening to the anecdotes all the more tempting...

I will have to see where DD seems to be nearer the time and make the best choice I can based on what I know about her, and hope. But am always grateful for the parenting views on here as I think it's easy to lose perspective when going down worry rabbit-holes.

If she’s not developmentally delayed and there are no concerns I would just let her go to school.
I was an August baby and did well at school, my daughter is end July and while she was rated “emerging” (ie behind expected level) during her first couple of school reports, which I put down to her having just turned 4 when she started, by year 6 she was well ahead of her peers and aced her SATS. She was always happy in that first year so I just told her she was doing well rather than make a thing of it (she couldn’t read the reports at that point!)

My eldest (October birthday) was bored by the end of her final year at nursery, that extra year felt too long. Then she was way ahead of most of the other kids at school which meant social difficulties at school initially as well because she played on a different level. (She amazed them all by being able to read though, and they used to get her to read things!)

Im usually a strong advocate for delaying a year, but Honestly your DD sounds way ahead of my 4 year old (March birthday) who’s starting school in September - he doesn’t have a clue about letters or phonics other than recognising his name (despite our best efforts at home!) We’ve got a large circle of friends the same/similar ages and he seems pretty typical for his age with this. As long as your daughter’s ready socially (which it sounds like she is) I’d crack on and start her next year, as she’ll probably be bored if you hold her back a year.

I also wouldn't hold her back. I have a summer born (20 august), she is amazing- is ahead in phonics and maths. However she was a little emotional when starting school. However couldn't have kept her in nursery as she was already bored- and ahead of her peers in phonics. At the end of yr 1 is really confident- and avid reader and loves chapter books as picture books are babyish....
I also was a summer born- didn't struggle in primary, but did in secondary- due to an overwhelming big school (primary leas than 50, secondary 1100ish)....

If I had an August born I'd defer without a doubt. The research is very clear on the disadvantage they have as a cohort, and I'd rather my child had the advantage of being the oldest in the year than the disadvantage of being one of the youngest.

also remember … She may not be the only August born. There happen to be three in my DD’s class and at least four July born.

I had no particular concerns about my late July born but I deferred because it’s very young, I think emotional maturity in many ways does come with age, and I was doing what was in my power to make her transition to school easier and more beneficial for her.

Some people get really uppity about being able to defer, but many summer borns do fall behind which is exactly why you can defer.

To me there’s no real risk to deferring their start year and very real risks that they could start to struggle in Y1 or Y2 if they start early.

I have a July born and debated the same. I didn’t hold him back. He’s going into year 2 next year and has absolutely thrived. Like your DD he was in nursery so was social and chatty and to be honest he adapted to school like a fish to water and I haven’t ever regretted my choice. I bring it up at parents evening and the teachers tell me unless they knew they wouldn’t think he was summer born at all.

Each child is different obviously and some might not adapt so well.

I am not so clued up on the rules but one of my considerations was that had I held him back he may not have been allowed to start in reception as that’s school dependant and he had such a blast on reception I wouldn’t want him to have missed that

Honestly.. you will never know whether you made the right decision or not, all you can do is what you think is best for your child. We did delay my August-born son’s school start. He’s now 13 years old and absolutely thriving in high school. We’ve never regretted it for one moment and neither has he. However, we will also never know how it would have turned out if we’d have sent him at aged 4. As a teacher, many of the younger ones do tend to struggle a bit more and the statistics do definitely favour being older in the year (even going up to A-level age) but I also know plenty of august-born adults who did far better in school than I did. whatever you end up deciding, please don’t feel guilty about it and don’t spend time thinking “what if..?” Just make the best decision you can on your knowledge of your child.

You need to know what the likely situation is with your local authority or academy trust. Whilst summer-born children can now delay or defer their start to school, it is not a given that they will start reception a year late and stay with that year group. The majority of children who stay school a year later will be expected to start in Year 1, with their chronological cohort, so will miss out on a year of play-based learning.
Even if it is agreed that they will start reception a year late, they may still be expected to go to secondary with their age-related peers. For example, an 11-16 secondary can generally not keep young people beyond 16.

My daughter is 24th August born and is autistic. We tried to delay her start but our local authority insist that late-starters go straight into Year 1.
I'm actually glad that she started when she did now. She did find things tough in the infants and was quite behind in maths throughout primary, but this was about the lack of quality teaching for neurodivergent children at her school.

Now at secondary she has completely caught up, is thriving and happy.

And yet I have never lived anywhere else with the groundswell of hysteria about 'summerborns' I've encountered in the UK. I mean, it's just a facet of how anxious UK parenting often is, sure, but it's a bit odd to see what a big deal it is when other countries with fixed school start dates have exactly the same issue without anywhere near as much stress and worry about it.

Just to dispel a couple of the often quoted myths that have been shared already in this thread:

1. It is not definite that children cannot move to their chronological year group at a later point if everyone feels it would be in their best interest to do so. Indeed, my son's friend did just this and is just completing year 7, having gradually migrated up a year during year 3/4 in a mixed year class.

2. they do not 'have to catch up' at some point. If you feel it is in your child's best interest, she can stay in her adopted year group for her whole time at school.

3. they are not technically leaving school a year later - they are leaving school at the same age as those who are a week or two younger than them.

Only can know what you feel is best for your daughter. Remember to consider both her academic and social readiness. Many children do okay starting in their chronological year group, but others do not.
Perhaps the question to ask yourself is; if she was born in September, would you feel it was unfair and not in her best interests to have to wait another year to start school, or would it feel positive that she had the extra year to develop.

We delayed our 31.08 summer born, starting school 2 days after turning 4 was not in their best interest.
Absolutely thriving now, the best decision we could have made x

I blame social media and sites like Mumsnet.

Everyone whipping themselves up into a frenzy about it, where previously it would have been very, very unusual to do so and only considered in very niche circumstances.

Just another thing in the hyper-competitive, overly analytical neurotic parenting of today.

I have a few friends with August babies who have sent them / are sending them at 4, and they all say it was just relentless being asked constantly about delaying to the point they were doubting themselves because it was all anyone wanted to talk to them about once they knew they had an august baby.

OP’s daughter sounds like she will be fine.

I deferred my eldest ( boy born mid Aug )
he's now in year 7 and the transition to high school was fine. If I'm honest it felt right for primary but high school has made me question my decision a little . My son is tall and I'm worried he's going to look too tall for his year amongst other worries I have .
there is a fb group regarding this and looking back it is quite bias

I would consider high school as the 7 years of primary really do fly

My second is a girl and born 20th July . I haven't deferred her .so she's due to start in sep . She's a different child , very sociable and wanting to write her name and my gut tells me she's ready . I do feel gutted she's going at 4 and genuinely envious of anyone with a sep born 😂 it's been a dilemma for me. I also think there's 4 months between a march child who can't defer for example, would there really be a massive difference in a late spring child and a summer born 🤷🏻‍♀️

I actually tried to avoid another summer born child when Ttc but after several miscarriages Mother Nature soon humbled me .

There’s a Facebook group called flexible admissions for summer borns or something - very helpful advice. You usually have to apply for the school place normally then defer them. You could apply for school, then decide how you feel nearer the time, when school places come out and then get permission to apply for delayed start so you have time to decide as you can wait until school places come out