Youngest in the year - what would you do / have you done?

[Izzasaurus]

My DD is the only child in the family on both my DH's side and mine, and I don't have any close friends with children, so I feel a bit short on sources of advice and would be really grateful for anyone's thoughts!

DD will be 3 this August. She's an end-of-August kid so will be the youngest in her school year unless I hold her back.

I know I still have a bit of time to decide but I would love to hear other people's advice and experiences. For context, DD has been in nursery full time since my MAT leave ended and will be moving up to the pre-school there in September, but sadly won't be able to attend the primary school associated with the pre-school, so those friendships will likely be lost except for the ones I can actively help her keep up with through parent mates.

She seems on track with things for her age. My main point of comparison are the other kids in her nursery group, all of whom are older. She seems to hold her own with them. She's chatty, socially and physically confident, very articulate (can already out-debate me if I'm not careful... although I do set quite a low bar for her in that regard...), and decent at following instructions most of the time. Not great with drawing / precise mark-making but starting to be more interested. Can recognise and do the right phonic sounds for most letters. Out of nappies for a year now. My impression is that she'll be fine starting school a year in September.

But a couple of things have given me pause. I know that achievement-wise, kids born late in the year tend to do worse. I know from my own personal experience that being very young in the year can be a bit rubbish in other ways. A couple of people have told me they definitely plan to keep their summer-born kids back so that they can have more time with them and give them more space to grow in confidence. And given that I could possibly afford to drop some hours in future, I'm wondering whether having the chance to get lots of 1:1 extra time with DD before she starts primary school might be a lovely thing for us both. I feel I've missed out on so much with her by being full time.

Then again... as I can't give up work completely, perhaps she'll end up really bored on the days when she would be left still attending pre-school... I also don't want to do her a disservice if she's ready to progress.

All views would be very welcome!

We didn’t defer for late Aug born dd and it was a huge mistake I thought she was ready !!! She wasn’t!!

The school suggested that she repeat reception (I had no idea this was possible!) and the second attempt was much better.

Except the evidence says many don't.

My friend held her son back. After reception year she felt he wasn't ready for year one, and if he had been born the other side of midnight he would have been a year back.

She kept it matter of fact with explaining it to him, but it was the right decision. I suppose you have to do what is right but for her it was ok

There were other kids in the school who were different ages. People too it all in their stride. I sometimes think we make more if it than the kids

I read the research and wanted to hold DS back (end August baby). My LA made it very clear they would not agree this without a fight (this was 10 years ago). So reluctantly, because circumstances at the time meant I couldn’t face a fight, sent him age 4 and a week.

For reception and part of year 1, he really struggled. Didn’t get reading etc. I was very stressed although socially he did ok.

By year 2 he had started to catch up and overtake his peers and now he has finished year 11 and is due to get (🤞🏻🤞🏻) very good GCSE grades.

He was a little shorter than his teenage peers for a while but now is perfectly average (still growing!) and has plenty of friends.

If he chooses to go to university, I will encourage him to take a year out.

His main gripe is that friends can go to the gym whenever and as an under 16, he is restricted on hours but I guess that’s temporary!! He’s currently travelling in the UK and I am happy he still qualifies for child train tickets so swings and roundabouts 😊

That’s my anecdotal story to add to your confusion!

She sounds ready OP, I’d keep her with her cohort.

My kids are summer born too, and both joined with their normal cohorts. They're teens now, both are doing well academically and both are surprisingly tall - they would hate to be in the year below, towering over their peers and potentially quite bored. Someone has to be the youngest. My eldest has just achieved 7s, 8s and 9s in all her mocks (A and above A in old money). It’s hard to image now, but when they have a sudden burst of maturity at 7ish and again at 11ish, these apparent differences that feel worrying at 3 or 4 years old really level out.

My daughter is tonnes more mature than my friends daughter in the year below, you have to think about their social and emotional maturity as well and how they could feel out of place in other ways when held back a year.

I’m in Ireland so the educational culture is completely different. Mine was May born, and would have been second youngest in her cohort and the school principal rang and suggested she defer a year.

I think she would have managed, and she was very interested in school from collecting her sibling everyday, but we decided to hold her back. It was a great decision. She thrived at preschool, and had no problems settling in school. Things like her fine motor skills had improved in the meantime. She used to be a bit grumpy about worksheets in preschool, and with hindsight I think it was muscle fatigue.

I really see the benefit of the extra year in secondary where she’s had that bit of maturity and isn’t easily led. She’s been well able to manage her own studying, advocate with teachers, etc.

One of her friends in junior infants (our reception) was a similar age give or take a few days, and repeated junior infants because he really wasn’t ready. His dm was asked to consider keeping him back and didn’t because she thought he’d be bored in preschool. It’s very unusual here for schools to hold dc back nowadays because the capitation grant only covers 8 years and isn’t increased pro rata. There’s also more stigma to it than an extra year of preschool, despite the school’s best efforts to spin it as “staying back to help the teacher”.

Obviously cultural norms play a big part too, so even though the educational benefits are there, you have to balance that against the social norms.

Same. No regrets whatsoever and he is in secondary school now.

School is a serious business for long enough. I’m a firm believer that a year later is better than being the youngest in your year. An extra year to develop emotionally and socially is beneficial for children. Academic readiness is only one aspect of when to start primary school.
In Ireland, where I live, majority of children are 5 or close to it when they start primary school with two years of funded preschool. It’s the norm in most other European countries to start at 6 or even 7.

If they are bright absolutely not primary will be dull enough as it is without doing an extra year. My dc outgrew primary by year 5.
Same with secondary don’t underestimate having to do an extra year when they are fed up of school.
They will be school leaving age at end year 10 and while technically everyone is supposed to stay in education or training until 18 this isn’t enforced as councils don’t have time or money and you won’t be able to make them stay for year 11 and do GCSE’s in the same way as if they stayed with their age group. There have been people on here who deferred when their dc were 3 and cute and regretted it at 16/18 when their hormonal teen refused to stay at school and do exams.

I was the youngest starting school at 4 year old (February born) some of my school friends were turning 5 a few weeks after my bday.

Worst thing for me wasn't going to school, that was fine but seeing all my school friends joining clubs, Rainbows, Brownies, Netball, Swimming Club etc that were based on age groups. I was too young to join the clubs my friends were joining and felt very left out and lonely. By the time my bday came round they had moved onto something else and I never got to do activities with my friends.

I have a September child and August child (just finishing year R) everyone told me he was ready, and he was! But I wish I had deferred him.
in comparison to my September baby, it’s just so vastly different.
the emotional regulation side, the self care side (although he’s not behind at all)
he’s done great with learning and phonics etc. so thats not been an issue.

I have an early Aug who is finishing reception. I hadn’t done any phonics etc with her before she started. She knew the first letter of her name and knew her shapes, count to 20, out of nappies etc.

She’s absolutely thrived. She loves learning, loves the social side. Just loves school. If I’d kept her back a year I think she would have ended up playing up a bit out of boredom. It was 100% the right decision for her (so far!). But I really worried about it in the lead up.

You don’t have to decide till the day term starts! So maybe flag it with pre school and ask their thoughts. I spoke to nursery loads and they always said they thought she’d thrive.

Don’t hold her back if she doesn’t need it,
someone has to be the youngest. I don’t think it should be a thing unless there are issues like SEN
Don think about the next year think long term. She is going to be in school until she’s at least 16, the age difference seems a lot smaller by then.
I’m a July baby myself and never struggled at school

If she knows most of her sounds at 2 years old then she will definitely be ready academically for school next September.

I have an August boy who is just finishing Year 2. We also thought about deferring, not least as he wasn’t potty trained when we applied to schools although he cracked it soon after. He’d also never really thrived at nursery although it was a lovely environment. In the end, we met with the school so they could see what he was like and how he’d compare with peers and they advised us to start him in his normal cohort with the option of repeating Reception if we felt he needed it. In the end, he was fine. I don’t know if it helps but his year is quite young - just under a third are born in July and August and are in their correct year. There’s one who was deferred from the year above I think and she seems to struggle quite a lot but she’s also probably struggle a lot more if she was with her correct year.

I reckon hold back. Just my perspective.

I had the opposite with my DD1 - a really old birthday and she was plenty clever/advanced/ ready. I couldn't wait to get her going and to be honest, out of my hair a bit, and I would have loved to have sent early if I could. She's been fine of course. I'm so glad she isn't more up and away, just even socially. When she's asking for a phone and Snapchat and you're faced with her going to secondary school you might be glad. I now think, what was my rush!? It has been a great advantage to her, being one of the oldest and most ready. There'll always be someone sportier or more confident or a better singer - I don't think she was ever going to be unchallenged or bored.

My second DD - not particularly young or old, real middle ground and I wasn't allowed to hold her back. And she really would have benefitted and enjoyed it. She was babyish in every way.

My brighter "old" DD1 benefits, confidence-wise, from being one of the oldest and brightest. I'm a teacher, and a young birthday myself and it never held me back, but my reasons aren't any more high-faluting or research- based than this - from a parenting point of view you definitely will stop willing them through their milestones and they are learning and growing so much already.

At your stage I was like go go go, but now as my DD1 goes into her last year of primary I'm so glad she's not up and away to secondary already.

Deferring a summer born’s start date doesn’t mean they do an extra year of school, they are still in school for the same length of time as any other child.

This is so odd to me. My 4 year old can already read but he’s still not starting school until a month before his 6th birthday.

There’s also just no real academic readiness for starting school in the UK anyway! They aren’t expected to have hit any academic milestones before reception/ P1.

2nd Aug teen here and the only reason for holding back would be so I could have avoided her disappointment at her still bein 17 when ate friends are 18 in that summer. Oh the injustice she feels about that.

Can you talk to the nursery staff/pre school staff when she goes? I found the staff at my children's preschool noticed different things about them to me, they're trained to look for specific markers of readiness etc rather than it being more of an emotional decision as it would understandably be for parents. Might give you some insights you don't currently have.

Also they don't legally need to be in school full time until the term after they turn 5 so you could always send her but only 4 days a week or something like that so you get the best of both. It's great when the school approves this but ultimately you can legally do it regardless if you think it's right for your child.

And I do think it’s more about social readiness than academic ability that is the reasoning for being allowed to defer entry for a year. A lot of the research focuses a lot on a child’s emotional/social readiness for school at just turned 4 and how this impacts them, as opposed to what they are capable of in terms of phonics and reading etc, so take that into account OP.

In Reception and Years 1 and 2 I didn’t really think there was much notable difference between the youngest/eldest in the school year, but now my son is going into Year 4 I notice it much more. There seems to be quite an obvious divide from
a social point of view between the youngest in the year and the eldest, both in how the children behave, how they interact with each other and who they are friends with (i.e the youngest group together and the eldest group together).

I’m not saying this is the case for every class and every situation, but just what I’ve noticed in my son’s class.

I would always err on the side of holding back. It makes a big difference at the other end, when they finish primary school too.

And the whole way through school.

Really interesting that English/Welsh parents use language like "holding them back" which has very negative connotations whereas here in Scotland it's all about deferral which is seen as very normal and usual and has been an option for decades.

My summer born DS did struggle a bit until mid year 1, but once he caught up he's been just fine. In fact he was the only boy in his class to go to grammar school.
My autumn born DD was bored to tears with the extra year in nursery, although she did also turn out to be autistic and now she's older would've struggled even more socially and emotionally if she'd been in the year above. However, if that's not a concern, schools know how to deal with the younger ones and by juniors it's all evened out.