Can someone please please please tell me how they expect you to work when you have a baby that doesn’t sleep!!!

[Biosblbay]

I am loosing my mind. My 11 month old (turns 1 nest week) is waking up every 2-3 hours. She already had me up at 1am, ended up bringing her in bed with me, it was just a hour of fidgeting so I put her back in her room at 2am, she is now awake again at 3:30am crying and will not stop. I’ve been down to give her a dummy and it didn’t help. This has been on going now for days. On top of that My 3 year old (4 in September) has been having later nights due to the heat, no sleep because of the baby and has also been up early because of either the baby waking him up or he has been unwell. Because of this he has been home from school, it was closed due to the extreme heat and then the last 2 days I had to pick him up early due to not being himself and being unwell.

I work a full time job, luckily I work from home so there is no commute but concentrating is pretty impossible when you are being woken up so frequently and having late nights and early starts. She has been crying for almost half an hour and I just don’t know what to do! I have no next to me for anymore, she won’t sleep if I put her in bed with me, I am worried she is going to wake my son up in a minute as their rooms are next to each other.

please I am out of ideas. How can any mum be expected to work when you have to go through this. Maternity leave should be 2 years minimum! I also have such a busy weekend ahead of me, including her cake smash photo shoot Sunday, how am I even going to manage that! I am exhausted!!!!!!

and just so you are aware, I have tried doing 1 nap in the day, it makes no difference, I’ve stuck to the two naps, still no difference, shortening both naps, still makes no difference.

what is going wrong!! I am at breaking point. I haven’t slept properly in weeks, in fact haven’t slept properly since she was born but these last few weeks have been extremely challenging, more so being back at work.

I think the cake smash photo shoot is the least of your worries!

Do you have a partner? Can he take baby out for an hour whilst you sleep?

Is she teething? Lean in to it and sleep where you can!

Oh you poor thing, I remember this, it’s just the worst. Have you a partner who is pitching in?

I really feel for you and sending hugs! My daughter was the same, she’s 10 now and her sleep has never gotten better but she has been recently diagnosed with autism so I’ve been given some melatonin that’s helps a bit. Is the baby teething, reflux or anything. Could you book in for a gp or health visitor for some advice. I ended up being signed off work it made me feel so stressed at the time so maybe you could do the same to try and take some pressure off. White noise machine helped xx

Are you a single parent? Is the baby’s dad doing his fair share?

Do you need the photos? Could you cancel for now and have the day resting?

@HollyGolightly4 @Spartan123 he is currently snoring his head off. The issue I have is he commutes far for work every day and also travels a lot so he needs the sleep for sure because of his job, but regardless of that he is a heavy sleeper that I would hear the baby first before he woke up. It’s not that he chooses not to help, he just can’t.

she still has no teeth which is crazy considering my son had his two bottom teeth by 8 months so she might be teething, but I still can’t feel anything so not sure x

@NerrSnerr I could cancel the cake smash, I know it’s not the end of the world but I have already rescheduled it from last week due to my son being sick one morning, and the cake goes out of date Monday, plus she turns 1 next Sunday so I want it done before hand 😩 I will beat myself up if I don’t get it done in time

@NerrSnerr sorry for got to mention about the husband, my message above explains that part x

@WorkerBee83 are you allowed to be signed off for the reason of it being that you aren’t getting sleep because of your baby? I would be so worried that this could get me into trouble. I do have anxiety and panic disorder as a known disability now and lack of sleep is one of my worst triggers, but because I work from home I do feel I don’t have much to fall back on. But I know I will struggle to do the work itself being so tired 😩 it should be illegal to go back to work less than 2 years after giving birth! How working Mums cope I do not know!

Hi. Currently awake as newborn is awake. Could you reconsider room sharing? Bring baby’s bed in? Or mattress for you on her floor (Temporary)? I remember when I returned to work with my now 3.5y old, how exhausted I was and I had all the same thoughts as you regarding maternity leave and the lack of ‘village’ and expecting to do it all and ‘get on with it’.

Could you nap in day time on your dinner break? Wondering if baby goes nursery/childminder? Do you have someone who can help with your nearly 4y old if they wake up?

Aww nothing has gone wrong, very natural for 1y olds to not sleep through, especially if you’re recently back to work and baby experiencing the change in routine. My 3y old only just sleeping through. It’s not natural us having to work and parent but this is where society has gone, it’s rubbish. You’ll be okay though, one day at a time, work slow and methodically, you’re strong enough to cope, we shouldn’t have to, the systemic support should be better, but you’ll be okay. Sending big hug 🌸

I feel for you - my first was a terrible sleeper and being back at work when she was around 1 was really tough - she was waking loads and I still somehow had to cope with busy/stressful full time job. It was so hard.

Try to go to bed as early as you can to maximise sleep - don’t stay up doing house jobs for example. Other than that it’s hard to give advice as babies are all different with sleep. With my first it got better with time - by about 16-18 months she started sleeping through. Now she is 4 in Sept and my second is 18 months I’m up again 1-2 times a night and just feel like have got used to having less sleep. Second baby is not sleeping through yet and hoped they would by this age.

hoping with time it gets better again!

be kind to yourself - if some things slip it’s fine need to prioritise yourself to rest when you can on little sleep

It is always worth getting their ears checked if they are waking frequently and distressed.

It’s a conundrum. All I can do is sympathise. Mine are grown up now but I had three in three years and worked shifts and RTW when first was 4 months and twins were 6 months. And we had paid childcare for only 2 days a week.
I did go part time though.
I was just a zombie for several years. Like you I didn’t feel I could call in sick as I wasn’t sick. Just exhausted.
EXH. Also worked shifts and we would just patch it together. Work early and late shifts and nights around each other.
Can you reduce your hours? I found things got easier when youngest turned about 3.5 and had pre school and some structure.

I was a zombie for years as I have 2 terrible sleepers (both later diagnosed with ADHD and given melatonin).

We set up 2 single beds pushed together and DH co slept with DS1. Then I coslept with DS2 in our bed, with barriers. I didn't sleep a huge amount but at least I didn't have to get up and DH dealt with most of DS1s wakings.

You have to be off 3 days sick then speak to your gp surgery and ask to see your gp for a fit note. I was signed off with anxiety and post natal depression. If you don’t take some pressure off yourself then you’ll be worse off so don’t feel bad. Try abesol rub or Ashton powders for the baby’s gums as that might help. I honestly felt like a zombie for my daughter’s first 2 years! Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. Don’t be scared to ask friends or family to help out even if it’s just an hour to have a shower in peace or go to the coffee shop for a brew with a magazine xx

Oh dear, it is really hard. I think your partner does have to help. He might not wake up when the baby cries, but if you could have an early night he could stay up until like 3am sometimes to give you a 5 hour stretch of sleep and there's no reason why he couldn't do Friday and Saturday nights.

I was a single parent for my last one and she didn't sleep at all until 18 months - I ended up with her in my bed - it was the only way I got any sleep.

I feel for you. Mine are young adults now but DS2 nearly finished me off, waking 2-3 times a night until 18 months. I was back at work full time by then, and was in the office 5 days back in those days. Your DH should still be doing his share, commute or not. Mine rarely did, and he has been my ex for 15yrs. I don’t have any magic solutions, but your DH should be letting you have a lie in on the weekend, given he is getting a full night sleep.

DS2 was never that teen who slept in! And I was never that mother who got loads of sleep when they were older as I sleep so badly these days. It doesn’t help, but ds2 gave me the most grief in the first 2yrs, but he never caused me a day’s grief since then, and has given me the least worry of all my 3. He is a lovely young man. Lord knows why he was such a terrible sleeper. When he was 3.5 i’d clearly forgotten as I had DD! She was a much better sleeper, but bed shared until she was 10 plus. I was never destined to get much sleep!

We ended up co-sleeping. It got to the point where actual sleep was more important than enduring being awake. If you suspect any possible pain (e.g. teething) give liquid paracetamol or ibuprofen at the beginning of the evening.

My DH & had to tag team. I used to sleep with ear plugs in on an air bed in lounge for 3hrs 7-10pm whilst he tried to get her to sleep in our bedroom as we lived in 1 bed flat. Then he would sleep 10-4am, then I would sleep 4-7am and we both got approx 6hrs sleep as our DD just wouldn’t sleep through the night for years. You have to work as a team we also took it in turns at the weekend to each have a catch up day of sleep / rest as much as possible. It’s brutal when you have a non sleeping child and working but you can’t do it all or you will break. We did have a second child 5yrs later who thank goodness did sleep so much better.

Who looks after the children while you are working during the day?

Honestly ditch the cake smash. Who cares? I know you do but you really don't need it.

DH needs to give you time to sleep instead. Or if you can't let go of the cake smash let him take her instead and you sleep then.

We put too many false expectations on ourselves as parents. We just need to ditch some of them. Otherwise you will make yourself really ill.
Also are both kids at nursery? Call in sick today and sleep. It's genuinely you who isn't well today so you can do that. You really need to sleep.

Agree that split sleeping shifts is the way to go

I checked myself into a hotel to get some sleep. Same thing, DH just wouldn't wake up if I was there, unless I woke him by which point I was already awake (and cross) and watching him sleepily stumble about making the baby wail more was more aggregating than handling it myself. However, he was more alert when I wasn't there, so I went out! Got a really good deal on a last minute, very basic, local hotel. Worth every penny. The next time money was tighter but good friends were going away and I asked if I could sleep at theirs for the weekend.

I'd do whatever you can think of to save your own sanity tbh.

OK, fair enough your partner needs sleep for his job. What does he do out of interest? Does he legit need to be rested eg brain surgeon/pilot, or is he laying it on a bit thick for his own benefit?

But he needs to be stepping up on his non work days. He needs to be doing the bedtime routine so you can go to bed early to get a few hours uninterrupted sleep. He needs to do night wakings the nights before his days off. He needs to be getting up with the kids on the weekend and taking them out so you can catch up on sleep in a quiet house.

Are these kinds of things happening? Or does he just absolve himself of all responsibility citing "his job"?

My child was a terrible sleeper, hes only just started reliably sleeping through the night at 8. We just did what we had to do. Slept in shifts, co sleeping, musical beds, whatever it took to get some sleep.

It is so hard. You need to find a way of getting a reliable few hours in each night eg going to bed at 8pm (this is what I do, and yes I know it’s boring and shitty but needs must) or agreeing with your husband that he will deal with anything eg before 1am

Who takes care of your DD during the day? She might be sleeping too much. If you are able to afford a night nanny that might be an option. Good luck

Ars you big on stuff like social media, cake smashes and feeling that you have to keep up appearances? If so, chill. I bet no one on this thread has ever done one and our kids turned out fine. Don't put extra stress on yourself for crap like that