12 year olds in a relationship

[Afrokimmy]

I check my 12-year-old's phone every so often, and I just found out they are in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with a classmate. They're both 12 & in Y7. The messages include lots of "I love you", "baby", "forever", etc.

Needless to say, we're having a long conversation tonight, and there will be consequences around phone use and social media.

I'm genuinely interested in how other parents have handled this. Is this something I should discuss with school as well?

They are just kids playing. Leave them alone.

I do feel sorry for your daughter having you as a mother. Being as strict as you are with a rule of no dating until 16 means she will feel she has to hide things and keep things from you. She may have confided and discussed these things with you when she was younger, but as she grows up doing nothing wrong at all when all her friends parents are fine with dating, you are going to lose out on the closeness with your daughter as she wont feel she can be honest with you for fear of your reaction.

I wouldnt worry about it too much at this age. I work in school and so many year 5/6 students have boyfriends and girlfriends. If they didnt openly tell me i would never notice from the way they interact.
Maybe have a talk with her about her growing up and boys in general, but dont tell her you searched her phone or give her consequences. She will just start hiding it and not trust you anymore.

She probably said that because she didnt want to get in trouble with you.
Thats exactly something i would have done at that age.

There is a 12 year old in the house opposite. She has a boyfriend. He turns up several evenings a week when the father is out. She answers the door in a push up bra and hot pants with a face full of make up. There is a sexual tension vibe when he arrives. Honestly, it makes me want to vomit. My office window is opposite the house so I see the comings and going’s daily. I shudder as to what is going on when the father is out. She is also phone addicted and seems to have unlimited usage. I’m very surprised as I know the father quite well.

As far as you knew!

As for OP - consequences for what? Growing up and probably saying alright to each other at lunch.
They're 12, it's sweet.

My daughter had a girlfriend at 12 😂
They held hands!
That soon ended, then she spent years wishing she had a boyfriend, then wishes she hadn't bothered...

Babe, love etc - they're just words.

I think that's the exception to the rule. How many parents leave their 12 year old alone several times a week, long enough to get dolled up and have a boyfriend over?

Anyway, you're the adult, you know what's happening, if it's as unsavoury as you say, mention it to her Dad.

While I completely understand this fear, it’s not going to make it less likely to happen by “banning” something which is normal. You can talk about what’s ok for 12 year olds and what’s not ok. But saying no boyfriends/girlfriends at all is so restrictive it’s making a massive deal out of it to the child who might otherwise not have even been bothered. The intense feelings in these messages could even be a result of the forbidden nature of their relationship. The 12 year olds you know probably has an unhealthy relationship with her parents, not an open genuine communication with them where she is heard by them.

Where do you draw the line? Why is it ok to have friends at all since same sex relationships are also a thing - nothing is safe then is it?

I think that's the exception to the rule. How many parents leave their 12 year old alone several times a week, long enough to get dolled up and have a boyfriend over?

Lots of people on MN think it's fine to leave Y7s on their own after school until a parent comes home from work. It's also ok to leave them for up to 8 hours a day during the school holidays - once they have a phone and a nice neighbour.
Wouldn't be for me though.

You’ve allowed her to have a phone with social media but you don’t want her to use the phone? It’s confusing for me let alone a 12 year old! What will the long conversation be about? Please don’t shame her.

Lots of parents of year 7s don’t have a choice because in a lot of areas there’s no childcare available for secondary aged pupils, and people have to work.

@BravasPatatas
I was replying to the poster who thought it was the exception rather than the rule to leave 12 year olds alone long enough to 'get dolled up and have a boyfriend over'.

I got married in the yard at primary school

There are many working parents I know that do it, usually five nights a week.

I know, and I was replying to your post about people being happy to leave their 12 year olds home alone after school and in the holidays.