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I dislike my daughter

129 replies

BlackEyeSun · 24/06/2008 12:58

My daughter is 9 and I'm ashamed and saddened to admit that I dislike her. She is so much like my husband and his family and nothing at all like me. She's nasty, a bully, ignorent etc

It all started right from when she was a baby really, I tried to bring her up not to be a brat but DH and his family gave her EVERYTHING she wanted when she wanted it. On her first christmas FIL had to make two trips in the car to bring all the presents that they had bought her and this went on for the first few years until things got more expensive and even then they were spending about £500 each on her.

When she was 4 she demanded that she have her ears pierced. I said no, MIL took her out whilst I was at work and had them done.

When she started nursery she used to snatch things off all the other kids and wouldn't share anything and when the teachers tried to talk to her she would say things like "Who do you think you are talking to?" etc. I would always have to face the teachers who thought it was my fault.

I had to work full time once she started school so DH and his mother used to take it turns to take her to school and they encouraged her to look down her nose at other kids clothes ("look at that girl sweetheart, her shoes are nowhere near as lovely as yours") and DD started wondering around the playground asking kids why they couldn't afford nice clothes like her. MIL used to laugh and encourage her. When she was in year two (about 7 years old) one of the parents called DD a "snooty little sod" and MIL went to town on her in the middle of the playground and DD said to the woman "keep your trap shut about me in future" and then about 4 parents went into the school to complain and we had a letter home saying her attitude towards other people was a cause for concern.

Anyway the same kind of thing has continued through the years, in year 3 two parents went in to complain that DD was wrecking their DC's packed lunches by pouring drinks all over their food. Turns out DD had wanted what they had, they said no and MIL said (as a joke, apparantly) "pour your drink over their food then see how much nicer theirs is compared to yours".

At christmas last year half of the parents told their kids not to send her a card as one boy had and DD strolled out of school laughing at his writting and shouting "my god, a 2 year old would have better writing that this, is he thick?" and MIL laughed at her and agreed that her writing was so much better.

She's 9 now and I just don't like her , she annoys me, she struts about as if she owns everything, she talks awful to me, like I'm thick and below her and if ever I say no she ignores me and gets what she wants off MIL or DH. Neither of them listen to me.

A few weeks ago everyone in the class made a cardboard model and DD strolled out of school and shouted "you should have seen John's attempt, it was the worst of them all" and the mother of "john" told MIL that she was sick to death of DD thinking she was superiour and if it carried on she would make (another) complaint to the school, after a mouthful of abuse from MIL the woman turned to her son and said "smack her in the face next time she says anything to you, its the only way the little bitch will learn" .

Has anyone ever had to deal with disliking their own child? will it ever get better? Will she always be like this?

OP posts:
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LavendersBlueDillyDilly · 24/06/2008 15:04

Please do explain cariboo.

It is intensly irratating, and mildly unkind, to snort and declare 'you're joking' at someones MN name, and then suggest they've made some huge MN blunder, and then dismiss it as an in joke which you are not willing to share.

That leaves me very and wondering how much of a faux pas is my name? should I change it etc.

Please finish what you started, with a brief explanation and then you can forget it.

Marina · 24/06/2008 15:06

We had a very odd poster a while back with "lavender" as the main part of her name. She was unforgettably and damagingly weird. That said, I don't think anyone thinks you are she (well I don't) and there are loads of Mners who won't remember her because they have joined since

Oblomov · 24/06/2008 15:06

sorry, I hadn't realised we were now onto a troll is she/isn't she thing.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

themildmanneredjanitor · 24/06/2008 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marina · 24/06/2008 15:06

Should have said, I assume this is what cariboo is thinking of, she might not be

Buda · 24/06/2008 15:09

I did wonder if this may be someone trolling but wanted to give the benefit of the doubt. It does read as fairly unbelievable when you think about it.

HuwEdwards · 24/06/2008 15:10

I don't believe any of this.

Children at 9yo are very self aware.

They do not enjoy being on the peripheral, they want to be in a little group of friends.

I don't care what influence the MIL has, no child I know of would continue this behaviour, knowing it ostracises them from their peer group.

I think it's bollocks.

LavendersBlueDillyDilly · 24/06/2008 15:11

Ok thanks all for the explanation.

But I'll risk it

cariboo · 24/06/2008 15:12

Sorry. I was off running a search on Lavender. Lavenderr. I traced her to Jan 05 so yes, a long time ago.

cariboo · 24/06/2008 15:16

Among other things, I remember she advocated shootin' & huntin'. It was all a very long time ago but a quite a scandal at the time.

Anyway, too much time on here.

charliegal · 24/06/2008 15:22

dont believe it.

LavendersBlueDillyDilly · 24/06/2008 15:23

Ah well, I am a veggie and a townie so definitely not her.

yorkshirepudding · 24/06/2008 15:25

Message withdrawn

Sidge · 24/06/2008 15:26

Sadly I think this could be real. There are some really messed up families out there

LavendersBlueDillyDilly · 24/06/2008 15:42

HuwEd lots of children continue with lots of behaviours that ostracise them from their peer group, for lots of differnt reasons.

Adults do this too.

Oftne poeple don't want or mean to be octracised, but they just don't know how to be differnt. They have learnt patterns of interaction and do not know how to go about changing this.

Once opthers have an image of you, and once you have a self image {often reflection of how you think others see you) it can be very hard to act in anotherway.

This is often the case with bullies, where also the interaction provides some reinforcement in seeking power over others and gaining some kind of 'respct'.

Eqaully chronic shyness can be a behavior very hard to break, and has it's own reinforcement in that it allows you to avoid situatins where you fear you may 'fail'.

To suggest that all children, or poeple, are self aware enough to be able to act in ways to make them acceptable within thier peer group, is just not true at all, and certainly not an explantin for this being a troll.

A 9yr old, and a 39yr old, could certainly have traits such as those described here.

cory · 24/06/2008 15:45

HuwEdwards on Tue 24-Jun-08 15:10:56
'I don't believe any of this.

Children at 9yo are very self aware.

They do not enjoy being on the peripheral, they want to be in a little group of friends.

I don't care what influence the MIL has, no child I know of would continue this behaviour, knowing it ostracises them from their peer group.'

You must know nice and healthy children

motherhurdicure · 24/06/2008 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

colditz · 24/06/2008 16:06

The person you are allowing your daughter to turn into is not a likeable person. She is not a person who will have any friends if you don't step in. You owe it to this child to stand up and be counted - put your foot down before she goes to high school. She will get the living daylights beaten out of her if she takes that attitude with her. You need to make her curb it.

YOu need to reduce your mother in law's influence, and you need (sorry to be harsh) to stop being a coward when you deal with her. At the minute, the loudest voice your daughter is hearing is your mother in law's. It should be yours.

by continuing to allow her to speak and behave like this, you are practically painting a target on her back "Kick the crap out of me - I'm a mouthy little horror". Primary school children will tolerate it - secondary school youths will not. You have two years to turn it around. I'd get a move on if I were you - because your mother in law stands to ruin this child's life.

Desiderata · 24/06/2008 16:22

I think the OP might once have been BlackEyedSusan.

QuintessentialShadows · 24/06/2008 16:24

Actually. This thread has been on my mind while i went to have a nap (yeah, I know lucky me. My 13 year old niece is visiting and offered to be with dcs. )

Either the OP has posted the same before. Some time back.
Or I am losing my brain.

Either it is unimaginative trolling who cant think of something new. Or an OP who still struggles.

Either way. I cant be empathic, so shall take my leave.

Twelvelegs · 24/06/2008 17:23

There's a little girl in my dss class (aged 6) who is just like this child.

hellogoodbye · 24/06/2008 19:02

I do agreee this situaltion is unusual but if the OP is guinuenly having these problems - how do you think she feels now that you have all told her that you dont even believe her??

Lavender - I think you need to get out of there. Just take your DD and go. If nothing else, you can get a council flat somewhere and make a new start for yourself. You can't carry on like this. You DD may think she wants to stay with your DH but its in her best interests for her to get out of there. Please don't carry on.

forevercleaning · 24/06/2008 19:16

peculiar thread, sounds very far fetched. 2 cars full of xmas pressies?! Even some of the comments the little girl was supposed to have said to other people seem bizarre.

I hope its not a troll, and if its all truth, then its not a good situation for the OP to be in, neither her DD. She needs to distance herself and DD from this MIL asap

forevercleaning · 24/06/2008 19:17

and the DH as he sounds a complete tosser too

umberella · 24/06/2008 19:23

..mm i'm getting a trip-trap vibe too, hate to say it.

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