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I dislike my daughter

129 replies

BlackEyeSun · 24/06/2008 12:58

My daughter is 9 and I'm ashamed and saddened to admit that I dislike her. She is so much like my husband and his family and nothing at all like me. She's nasty, a bully, ignorent etc

It all started right from when she was a baby really, I tried to bring her up not to be a brat but DH and his family gave her EVERYTHING she wanted when she wanted it. On her first christmas FIL had to make two trips in the car to bring all the presents that they had bought her and this went on for the first few years until things got more expensive and even then they were spending about £500 each on her.

When she was 4 she demanded that she have her ears pierced. I said no, MIL took her out whilst I was at work and had them done.

When she started nursery she used to snatch things off all the other kids and wouldn't share anything and when the teachers tried to talk to her she would say things like "Who do you think you are talking to?" etc. I would always have to face the teachers who thought it was my fault.

I had to work full time once she started school so DH and his mother used to take it turns to take her to school and they encouraged her to look down her nose at other kids clothes ("look at that girl sweetheart, her shoes are nowhere near as lovely as yours") and DD started wondering around the playground asking kids why they couldn't afford nice clothes like her. MIL used to laugh and encourage her. When she was in year two (about 7 years old) one of the parents called DD a "snooty little sod" and MIL went to town on her in the middle of the playground and DD said to the woman "keep your trap shut about me in future" and then about 4 parents went into the school to complain and we had a letter home saying her attitude towards other people was a cause for concern.

Anyway the same kind of thing has continued through the years, in year 3 two parents went in to complain that DD was wrecking their DC's packed lunches by pouring drinks all over their food. Turns out DD had wanted what they had, they said no and MIL said (as a joke, apparantly) "pour your drink over their food then see how much nicer theirs is compared to yours".

At christmas last year half of the parents told their kids not to send her a card as one boy had and DD strolled out of school laughing at his writting and shouting "my god, a 2 year old would have better writing that this, is he thick?" and MIL laughed at her and agreed that her writing was so much better.

She's 9 now and I just don't like her , she annoys me, she struts about as if she owns everything, she talks awful to me, like I'm thick and below her and if ever I say no she ignores me and gets what she wants off MIL or DH. Neither of them listen to me.

A few weeks ago everyone in the class made a cardboard model and DD strolled out of school and shouted "you should have seen John's attempt, it was the worst of them all" and the mother of "john" told MIL that she was sick to death of DD thinking she was superiour and if it carried on she would make (another) complaint to the school, after a mouthful of abuse from MIL the woman turned to her son and said "smack her in the face next time she says anything to you, its the only way the little bitch will learn" .

Has anyone ever had to deal with disliking their own child? will it ever get better? Will she always be like this?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
cariboo · 24/06/2008 14:42

Does anyone think this is a realistic scenario? Honestly.

ingles2 · 24/06/2008 14:43

x post with Quint

I think the dd can change....,.she's mimicing appalling behaviour now, but it doesn't always have to be like that

cariboo · 24/06/2008 14:44

"It all started right from when she was a baby really, I tried to bring her up not to be a brat but DH and his family gave her EVERYTHING she wanted when she wanted it. On her first christmas FIL had to make two trips in the car to bring all the presents that they had bought her and this went on for the first few years until things got more expensive and even then they were spending about £500 each on her."

Hello?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

smallwhitecat · 24/06/2008 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dittany · 24/06/2008 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 24/06/2008 14:45

I don't know cariboo, but weirder/worst things happen.

more · 24/06/2008 14:45

If adults can change their behaviour then it is not too late for this child.

EachPeachPearMum · 24/06/2008 14:46

Yes, because unfortunately I know such a family- v v similar- their dd is now 18 and suicidal, as she has realised how shallow and nasty she is but does not know how to be any different.

This daughter needs removing from the influence of the MIL, and 're-educating' for want of a better term.
Perhaps travelling for a year would be good- open her eyes to how others live and behave.
She is not to old to change- and it would be best to do so before secondary school starts.

more · 24/06/2008 14:46

She just needs the right guidance.

themildmanneredjanitor · 24/06/2008 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cariboo · 24/06/2008 14:49

"I told DH once that I would be leaving with DD if things didn't improve..."

ONCE?!

cory · 24/06/2008 14:50

cariboo on Tue 24-Jun-08 14:44:25
' "It all started right from when she was a baby really, I tried to bring her up not to be a brat but DH and his family gave her EVERYTHING she wanted when she wanted it. On her first christmas FIL had to make two trips in the car to bring all the presents that they had bought her and this went on for the first few years until things got more expensive and even then they were spending about £500 each on her."

Hello? '

What I wondered, cariboo, was if it might be somebody posting a (somewhat exaggerated) outsider's view of somebody else's marriage (friend/sister...). We've had threads like that in the past when somebody has posted from 'the other side' as it were, to see if a case could be made out.

I also knew a family that looked like this from the outside. It always made me very uncomfortable that the mother was willing to talk to the neighbours about how awful her own daughter was, but not willing to do something about it. It seemed disloyal to me. But some of the things the girl said were truly unbelievable.

LavendersBlueDillyDilly · 24/06/2008 14:52

I think a scebario such as this is very believable.

Much worse, and stranger things go on in families, relationships and poelpes lives.

If it is a troll, they have described a very sad, dysfunctional and fairly extreme situation, but certainly not something unbelievable.

cariboo · 24/06/2008 14:52

Lavender?? you're joking, right?

LavendersBlueDillyDilly · 24/06/2008 14:53

Why???

cariboo · 24/06/2008 14:53

Lavender, in any shape or form, is not a good name to use on MN.

themildmanneredjanitor · 24/06/2008 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cariboo · 24/06/2008 14:54

Completely agree! What's wrong with them all, MMJ? Too much daytime tv?

themildmanneredjanitor · 24/06/2008 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LavendersBlueDillyDilly · 24/06/2008 14:57

Oh it's my name you think I'm joking about? Not my post?

I have no idea why I shouldn't use a name with lavender on MN, so please do tell me. I obviously need to know.

margoandjerry · 24/06/2008 14:59

why not lavender? Is this some club I don't know about or something?

Don't know if this is a troll. Sounds extreme but a lot of things on MN sound extreme to me. Guess I just can't understand why anyone bothers to troll (unless they are a 13 year old boy posting about sex in which case it's obvious) so assume it's all true.

cariboo · 24/06/2008 15:00

Never mind. I've been an MNer for far too long, it seems.

dittany · 24/06/2008 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov · 24/06/2008 15:03

OP needs to grow a spine and stand up to dd, mil and dh.
If she actually showed some strength of character and said no sometimes, to all three of them - dd, mil and dh, then people might take her seriously.
Then she might end up with a daughter who wasn't a spolit brat. Then she might actually like her dd.

Is that a bit harsh ?
It is pretty basic and simplistic when you think about it.

cory · 24/06/2008 15:03

I agree that this may well be a troll- there are parts of the text that read this way.

At the same time, I'm afraid I am too cynical to say the reason it can't be true is because such things can't happen in families. They do. There are Mums who do nothing for decades while their daughters are being abused.

Have to admit the family I mentioned looked very much like the OP from the outside. I never understood it, but there it was. The daughter became some sort of drop-out and found it impossible to establish relationships etc.

Oh, and I don't think the TV works.