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I dislike my daughter

129 replies

BlackEyeSun · 24/06/2008 12:58

My daughter is 9 and I'm ashamed and saddened to admit that I dislike her. She is so much like my husband and his family and nothing at all like me. She's nasty, a bully, ignorent etc

It all started right from when she was a baby really, I tried to bring her up not to be a brat but DH and his family gave her EVERYTHING she wanted when she wanted it. On her first christmas FIL had to make two trips in the car to bring all the presents that they had bought her and this went on for the first few years until things got more expensive and even then they were spending about £500 each on her.

When she was 4 she demanded that she have her ears pierced. I said no, MIL took her out whilst I was at work and had them done.

When she started nursery she used to snatch things off all the other kids and wouldn't share anything and when the teachers tried to talk to her she would say things like "Who do you think you are talking to?" etc. I would always have to face the teachers who thought it was my fault.

I had to work full time once she started school so DH and his mother used to take it turns to take her to school and they encouraged her to look down her nose at other kids clothes ("look at that girl sweetheart, her shoes are nowhere near as lovely as yours") and DD started wondering around the playground asking kids why they couldn't afford nice clothes like her. MIL used to laugh and encourage her. When she was in year two (about 7 years old) one of the parents called DD a "snooty little sod" and MIL went to town on her in the middle of the playground and DD said to the woman "keep your trap shut about me in future" and then about 4 parents went into the school to complain and we had a letter home saying her attitude towards other people was a cause for concern.

Anyway the same kind of thing has continued through the years, in year 3 two parents went in to complain that DD was wrecking their DC's packed lunches by pouring drinks all over their food. Turns out DD had wanted what they had, they said no and MIL said (as a joke, apparantly) "pour your drink over their food then see how much nicer theirs is compared to yours".

At christmas last year half of the parents told their kids not to send her a card as one boy had and DD strolled out of school laughing at his writting and shouting "my god, a 2 year old would have better writing that this, is he thick?" and MIL laughed at her and agreed that her writing was so much better.

She's 9 now and I just don't like her , she annoys me, she struts about as if she owns everything, she talks awful to me, like I'm thick and below her and if ever I say no she ignores me and gets what she wants off MIL or DH. Neither of them listen to me.

A few weeks ago everyone in the class made a cardboard model and DD strolled out of school and shouted "you should have seen John's attempt, it was the worst of them all" and the mother of "john" told MIL that she was sick to death of DD thinking she was superiour and if it carried on she would make (another) complaint to the school, after a mouthful of abuse from MIL the woman turned to her son and said "smack her in the face next time she says anything to you, its the only way the little bitch will learn" .

Has anyone ever had to deal with disliking their own child? will it ever get better? Will she always be like this?

OP posts:
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DoodleCantona2U · 24/06/2008 14:07

You sound very lacking in confidence. I think you can only arrest and revrse the damage with your daughter, once you have the skills to assert yourself. You are being walked all over by your in-laws and your DH.

Your daighter isn't to blame for your dislike of her. They are.

smallwhitecat · 24/06/2008 14:08

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hunkermunker · 24/06/2008 14:09

How does your household work?

Who sorts the bills?

Who shops for the food?

Who does all the appointment making and remembering?

Does your DH have an independent income at all? Does his mother give him pocket money?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Anna8888 · 24/06/2008 14:09

Agree with margoandjerry.

dittany · 24/06/2008 14:10

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more · 24/06/2008 14:16

I know many single/married mums who does not work, and can make it work financially with benefits. Besides it is not just her responsibility to put a roof over their heads, feed them all, pay electricity/gas etc.
I just think that my children come before my work, and I would be willing to go back on benefits if that is what it would take to make my children happy and well adjusted.

Anyway, you could still work, but find a part time job to suit school hours, if you needed the brain time.

If you are living near Edinburgh I am willing to give you and your little girl a lift somewhere.

more · 24/06/2008 14:19

More and more fathers are being awarded custody of the child/ren when they are the ones not working but the mother is.

hunkermunker · 24/06/2008 14:19

I can't understand the mindset that says you'd go on benefits to make your children happy and well-adjusted. That's too drastic - longterm, what's it teaching your children about working for a living, playing a part in society, etc?

As for a school-hours job - not so many of those about!

hunkermunker · 24/06/2008 14:20

"my children come before my work" - children of most working mothers do, I find.

cory · 24/06/2008 14:22

Oh please, don't let's let this descend into another SAHM/WOHM discussion.

dittany · 24/06/2008 14:23

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hunkermunker · 24/06/2008 14:24

It is a drastic situation, but I don't think removing the OP's income is a good plan - it's, as SWC says, her only bargaining tool atm.

dittany · 24/06/2008 14:26

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more · 24/06/2008 14:28

Are you trying to pick a fight Hunkermunker . I did try to reach a compromise with the suggestion of a part-time job.

sarah293 · 24/06/2008 14:28

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cariboo · 24/06/2008 14:28

I may be blasted away over this but has anyone asked themselves if the OP is a troll? I may be way off & forgive me if I am, but how could a mother let this atrocity go on for 9 years? It's like finding out your dh has been sexually abusing your dd & twiddling your thumbs!

smallwhitecat · 24/06/2008 14:29

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themildmanneredjanitor · 24/06/2008 14:29

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hunkermunker · 24/06/2008 14:30

No More. Are you? I'm not the one making inflammatory comments, afaics.

Dittany, without an income, how would the household function? What, in reality, could the OP do without any money? Yes, she'd be there physically, but her 9yo could sod off out with her MIL and it sounds there's little she'd do anyway to stop her.

sarah293 · 24/06/2008 14:33

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cory · 24/06/2008 14:37

Same thought did cross my mind, Cariboo, but one sort of tends to give people the benefit of doubt.

lou031205 · 24/06/2008 14:38

BES

Have you thought of contacting Social Services for support? They may be able to make everything seem serious enough for your family to take notice, including your daughter.

At the end of the day, she is just a little girl.

QuintessentialShadows · 24/06/2008 14:40

This child has been conditioned and raised to become a sociopathic monster for 9 years and you have sat back and let it happen.

By now her personility has formed.

Does anybody realistically think the child can be changed?

Does anybody realistically think that the op will be able to move away with this child?

I am afraid it is too late.

ingles2 · 24/06/2008 14:41

I don't think this is a troll but then I'm quite often wrong
Assuming not....
I actually feel saddest for the OP. Her dd is 9, young enough with the right influence to change. I don't imagine she's that unhappy either. many dc's this age have supreme confidence, as they have yet to come across failure, and day to day problems. Most parents I know, me included spend hours praising their dc's for their acheivements and this is exactly what the MIL is doing. The bad news is her ideas are seriously skewed.
Try not to worry about your dd too much at the moment, it's you you need to concentrate on. You are being abused emotionally, you must start thinking about the right thing to do for you and your dd. Why does your dp not work? Why is your MIL spending so much time with dd? What options have you got financially? You are going to have to be very very brave , Stand up for yourself and your dd and make some changes.

chipkid · 24/06/2008 14:41

social services are unlikely to be interested in this situation. Emotional harm such as this is very low down on the priority list given the overstretched resources etc etc.

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