Should I buy my daughter a therian mask and tail?

[pombearmum]

Hi there.

my daughter who is nearly 11 has recently declared that she is a therian. She believes she is half human half cat in fact she’s even got a name for her cat self. Luna. She is so desperate to wear a mask and tail. I really don’t mind but she recently did and was horribly ridiculed by some teenagers. Who shouted at her in the park. She said she didn’t care because you shouldn’t pick on peoples beliefs.

she’s asked me for a new mask and tail for her birthday. I don’t know if I’m being a bad parent buying it for her or a bad parent trying to steer her away from it. Am I opening her up to being massively bullied? She can be whoever she wants to be in front of me and in my opinion there’s far worse things she could do or be then wearing a mask. But the outside world isn’t as supportive.

is anyone else’s child also like mine and how do you deal with the whole not being sure what’s right or wrong thing? Advice would be great please. Sometimes I just don’t know what’s best.

Absolutely not. Thin end of the wedge, with the fat end containing transition and furries. Nope.

She is so desperate to wear a mask and tail. I really don’t mind but she recently did and was horribly ridiculed by some teenagers.

It sounds like she already has a costume?

And yes I think the ‘therian’ cosplayers are ridiculed widely by teenagers now.

Maybe you should explain to your ten year old, before she enters secondary school, the difference between unrealistic fantasy beliefs and cosplaying.

You need to check what she’s been looking at on the Internet asap.

And not encourage it.

Everyone is different.

For me, this would be an absolute hard no.

She cannot become a cat or a fox or whatever - i wouldnt indulge this for one second.
i also think theres a lot of bad actors (ie perverts and weirdos) occupying this space online and youd be willfully naive to encourage it.

It would also be a wake up call for me as a parent regarding my internet security settings and the level of unsupervised access I was giving my child. (Ie i had dropped the ball badly)

However... i will hold my hands up and say i'm fairly hot on this... prob more so than the average parent as my dh and I work in cyber security and big tech respectively.

We are very much in agreement on our views re: tech usage and its presence in our home. We also closely control what are children (who are younger) are exposed to as we are very much immersed in it day to day and are aware of how pervasive the damage it is to brain development, attitudes, social skills and the risks to their general safety, well being and mental health.

I'd be having several conversations and redirecting her interest elsewhere.

Tell her she can wear whatever she wants round the house, but once out in public people will probably laugh and judge because it's a ridiculous concept. There is absolutely no point pretending people think this is normal.

Only if you want to exacerbate her mental health issues. You need to steer her in a different direction and get her off the internet. You need to be monitoring what she is looking at online.

Where has she be learning about this stuff. She should not be chatting to furries on the Internet. Load of perves!

This. You’re not at all concerned about where she has learned this term?!

Have you actually spoken to her about reality? My DD asked for ears & a tale at 11yo, I told her fine but she understands that she’s really not a cat… she said she knew but liked playing at it and videoing herself. I was happy with that.

ive always been open with my DCs when it comes to these issues, everyone can feel the way they want about themselves but there are scientific realities and where they will always have a safe place at home they won’t always have a safe place everywhere else.

id 100% stop her for acting like a cat in public and teach her there’s a time and place, you can’t stop people picking on other peoples beliefs but you can put measures in place to limit the bullying of your child.

You also need to decide how far you are willing to go. My DCs school have very limited acceptance of these things where as a school just a bit further down the road (private) actually allows children to feed from cat bowls and have litter for them to shit and pee in. I thought it was just a rumour until I spoke to a parent who removed their child from the school because of it.

My similar age child had recently passionately believed they are a snake handler, a cat, a water bender from avatar etc. It's all just pretend and playing dress ups. They also got into making the masks and had some inventive creations.

I will add that people above have linked this to Internet safety, but we do not allow unsupervised Internet except for kids youtube.

My child wanted to be a cat but grew out of it at about 2 when they wanted to be a dog for a year. Now they’re 9 it’s all vaping and weed and they want to be a drug dealer. What can you do? They grow up so fast.

It’s not just innocent playing, it’s way deeper and weirder. Absolute hard no from me.

I would ask how, at nearly 11, she has heard these terms and knows all about them. Most 10 year olds I know would have no clue what a therian or furry was. You need to ask yourself how she has got to this point .

I think the OP is likely genuine - she has posted about other parenting stuff in the past.

OP - this would be an absolutely hard no from me. Fully agree with posters that say this is getting into very dark corners of the internet indeed, and I would be wondering what on earth she has access to online.

Regarding how fully she has entered into this delusion, I’m reminded of that parenting thing which says when your kid is going through something you need to invite them into your calm, not join them in their chaos.

It’s perfectly possible to be warm and kind about her fixation, whilst also keeping firm boundaries about it and a good grip on reality.

Why would you want to affirm this diabolical nonsense?

Absolutely not. You would be insane to pander to this rubbish. She's not a fucking cat. Step up, be the parent and shut this shit down.

Get her off the Internet completely. No access to computers, no smartphone. She is too young to have unsupervised access and this is what happens when you leave impressionable children to their own devices, engaging with delusional randoms online. You're lucky this is the worst she's gotten into.

Of course she was fucking ridiculed. Jesus Christ.

Absolutely not. My kid would love to eat chocolate for breakfast, do I indulge her, no because sometimes parents know better.

Absolutely not. Get her off her phone and into sports/theatre/volunteering/any bloody thing to get her confident in her self, accomplished. and away from this self absorbed indulgent crap.

Definitely discourage this.

You should make it clear to her that if she dresses up as a cat it is called make believe and that she isn't actually a cat and that anyone who tells her that you can identify as something you are not is not to be trusted. Then you can say 'no' to buying the costume and don't engage any further with it. You need to be the adult here.

Is this bollocks still going on?!

Serve up a tin of dcat food for tea and leave her to it.
Next time she's bored tell her to chase nice..

If she is a cat she can’t have her phone. Seriously, this would be a hard no from me. Absolutely stupid.