Ex pays £350 for five children and expects me to provide food

[Bonjovirocks123]

Ex gives £350 for 5 kids but gets £1000 benefits
So i have 5 kids with my ex he gives me £350 a month for them so £70 for each child he its homeless at momemt but still gets £1000 in benefits he see them 4 times a week most offen its at my house becaues he blows his money he thinks on his days he see the kids at my house that i should have to supply the food for the kids because thats what i get paid off him for and why i get child benefit its this right? I cant help but feel like he talking the piss its a stuggle already

It’s a percentage of their gross pay, so before tax, NI, student loans, child benefit deductions for other children etc, it can make earning extra quite pointless at a certain level

Is financially support supporting your children, not a worthwhile exercise then ?
it’s literally my reason for living I find it really remarkable that having a dick excludes you from that mindset

Only if you don’t want to pay for the kids you were 50% responsible for creating.

I’m a mother, my self and my DH financially and otherwise support our children thank you

Do you know what ? he would manage
My ex ended up living in a bed sit after he fucked up his marriage and had to be held accountable for contributing towards his children’s upbringing for the first time in his life
I’m not saying it was a great existence, but so fucking what?
He’s paying 20% of his income
I’m paying 100% of mine towards their upkeep

Well exactly. Pretty much the sole reason DH and I work as hard as we do is to provide our children with a good life. So why would a father not want to earn more money in case it had to go to his kids?

So you have absolutely nothing to contribute to this discussion.

It’s not about not being responsible, my DH could bust a gut to give our children a fancy lifestyle but we’re all happy as we are, other families would make different decisions. Our children have what they need so I’m not going to tell DH he should work ridiculous overtime just to bring in 30p in the £ so we can go on holiday etc

Well our children are perfectly happy without us earning every penny we possibly can, I don’t think I know any parents who attempt to earn every penny possible, they’d make themselves quite miserable. Plus I do find people who claim to be martyrs who just work for there children disingenuous, particularly if they worked/had a career before they had children?

How is that relevant to your previous post, the one that I quoted?

Its not

No, thought not!

So who’s paying for your up keep if 100% of your money goes to your children? As in our household a good proportion of our money would still need to go on our mortgage, pension savings, council tax, food, cars, petrol, work expenses, clothes, presents for relatives etc obviously be smaller house we’d need etc but the kids only take up maybe 1/4 of our joint income

It’s relevant as I said why would it be worth someone earning extra once all those deductions taken plus the extra maintenance, I wouldn’t expect myself or my DH to make
the same sacrifices so why expect a non resident parent if the kids not actually in dire need of anything

Because they would only be giving a % of that extra income, not all of it. It’s not like everything they earn over a certain amount would be taken away. The larger % of that extra income would still be theirs, for their own use. So deliberately deciding not to earn that extra income because of deductions sounds rather like they’d just be doing it as they’d begrudge that going to their very own children, does it not?
And who has said anything about sacrifices? You keep comparing it to you and your DH but it’s not the same scenario at all. You are talking about someone deliberately choosing not to earn a higher income because some of it be deducted to go to your children. Is that what you and your DH are doing? If not, it’s irrelevant.

No I’m not talking about someone making themselves worse off just to not give their children extra, that would be silly. I’m talking about the fact that earning extra often comes at significant physical, mental and social cost and we wouldn’t opt to earn extra if 40p is taken in tax, 9p in SLC, 2p in NI, 10p in CBHIC, 10p in extra work related expenses then 25p CMS, what would be the point, obviously is CMS made the difference between our children actually being able to eat or not but not just for a holiday or trip to the cinema. I don’t even take the overtime with no SLC, CBHIC, CMS and as only a basic rate tax payer, I’d rather have the little spare energy and time I have left to spend with my children or sometimes just see a friend. Yes it is relevant as we could be earning that extra to spend on our children, which we probably would if we just happened to have that extra, there are lots of things we’d like to do like set up a savings account, pay for swimming lessons etc but the kids have what they need and are happy and this is the balance we are happy with, if we get a pay rise then yes well maybe be able to afford some more of those extras for the kids

My husband did not fuck his previous relationship up, his ex did. And she's continuing to bleed him dry. He has always supported his daughter. But you're wrong. In our area bedsit are upwards of 1000pcm. He would not be able eat..he would not be able to afford to get to work. He would not afford his bills... all because his ex decided to shag someone else. So please dont assume my husband is the same as your ex. We agree that supporting children is important and vital... but as I said, not at any cost. If he gave up work, he wouldn't have to pay a penny... and we'd not be much worse off. But he chooses to work as he wants to pay his way.

Nobody was talking about you or your ex-husband.
even if a bed set was £1000 a month which seems reasonable in most capital cities are minimum wage that leaves him £900 a month to live on
Pretty sure most grown adult adults over the age of 30 are not on minimum wage just by share osmosis of time in the workforce
If he is that’s even more embarrassing

I wasn't talking about my ex. Im talking about my husband. Which if you read the posts properly youd understand. So assuming hes on 1900 a month and paid 1000 rent. 450 to his ex, he's left with 450 to get to work, eat, pay council tax, gas, electric, water, broadband, prescriptions. In what world is that possible without 2 wages coming in. As I said yes, they should provide for the kids... but not at any cost.

Imagine if I took that attitude and said that I needed to cover all of my bills before I was prepared to handover a measly 15% of my wages
And if that wasn’t enough, I’d just explained to the kids sorry it’s not at any cost mate

Oh, and I’ve absolutely no doubt whatsoever that my ex is telling the silly cow that he’s shacked up with that I slept with somebody else
It’s not the truth though

Oh, and your numbers make me laugh out loud
I had a brief spell on universal credits and yes you are literally meant to survive unless than £450 per month as a grown adult 390 I believe it is. So 70 for travel would be considered more than adequate.
Can’t afford the bus you have to walk

Ok

On benefits you get support. You get discount on Council tax. When you work shifts 20 miles away starting at 3am, walking and public transport is not an option... but not to worry. I'll tell him to hand over all his money to his ex for a 19 year that has been persuaded/bullied into staying at college soshe can continue living the high life. Sack cloth and ashes because his ex decided to shag around and ruin the life of everyone around her..oh wait. He's been lying to me for ten years. I must LTB in classic mumsnet style. (And before you say ive no clue, i have been a single mum on benefits claiming maintenance from my ex... So i get it. Ive seen all sides of this coin)

That wouldn’t be the case as if you didn’t have enough for a decent basic standard of living for yourself and the kids, you would be eligible to be topped up by benefits. Not just expected to produce the money for you all
out of thin air?