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Original poster

Ex pays £350 for five children and expects me to provide food

124 replies

Bonjovirocks123 · 29/05/2026 10:02

Ex gives £350 for 5 kids but gets £1000 benefits
So i have 5 kids with my ex he gives me £350 a month for them so £70 for each child he its homeless at momemt but still gets £1000 in benefits he see them 4 times a week most offen its at my house becaues he blows his money he thinks on his days he see the kids at my house that i should have to supply the food for the kids because thats what i get paid off him for and why i get child benefit its this right? I cant help but feel like he talking the piss its a stuggle already

OP posts:
Esmeraldathe3rd · 30/05/2026 06:40

That's quite a large contribution. Especially for someone on benefits and homeless. You're lucky you're getting a penny.

That doesn't mean he should be in your home. But then he's homeless, and that usually about far more than actually having a roof over your head. So is he safe unsupervised with the kids anywhere else. Does he have the means to take them anywhere to buy them food.

Without knowing the details of his situation it's impossible to say whether that's reasonable.

But what is definitely more than reasonable is him giving you 35% of his income. Because CMS would never grant that.

JosephineCornwall · 30/05/2026 06:49

My ex-husband, and father to my two children, paid £5 p/w for years and in the last few years, before they turned 18, paid £20 p/w. He’s self-employed, played the system, had a child with new partner, nice cars, numerous holidays abroad to Europe and US. I worked full-time, didn’t bad mouth him to the kids and made a life for the 3 of us. The kids now see for themselves what an asshole he is. The OP had 5 kids with this loser; he’ll likely never be in a position to pay 50% of her children’s financial needs, so she can either sit and continuously moan about him, or be in charge of her own destiny, get herself less reliant on benefits and be someone her kids look up to.

IsthataNo · 30/05/2026 07:08

@NameChangeAgain48 we don't know anything about this man except he "blows his money " he could be a raging drunk, druggie or even gambler.

Which is why he's homeless.
All still need compassion etc but i also think it's a huge strain to deal with. ..

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Cost of living Families General food General parenting
OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 30/05/2026 07:12

My ex is on benefits and I get £6.71 per week for one child. You’re actually getting way more than you legally are entitled to. But of course you don’t have to feed him at your house. Insist he takes them out.

88Pandora88 · 30/05/2026 07:31

Bonjovirocks123 · 29/05/2026 10:02

Ex gives £350 for 5 kids but gets £1000 benefits
So i have 5 kids with my ex he gives me £350 a month for them so £70 for each child he its homeless at momemt but still gets £1000 in benefits he see them 4 times a week most offen its at my house becaues he blows his money he thinks on his days he see the kids at my house that i should have to supply the food for the kids because thats what i get paid off him for and why i get child benefit its this right? I cant help but feel like he talking the piss its a stuggle already

Wow. Just wow.
I get £30 a month for my two children. 50p a day!!! Id happily accept £350! As others have stated, if he's not working he only has to give £7 a week.

MeltyMomenrs · 30/05/2026 07:34

I think I'll wait & see if the OP returns to the thread before commenting.

Springleaves26 · 30/05/2026 07:49

You’re not having to feed the children for £350 a month as you either have your own income or assets or you would be entitled to 3k+ a year per child plus your rent and council tax, child benefit, free school meals plus an allowance for yourself, so I find this post slightly disingenuous. Yes obviously if he had the means he should be having the children at his and feeding them himself as a matter of fairness, if he had residency himself that would be easy for him due to the benefits and housing he would be entitled to?

Stoicandhappy · 30/05/2026 08:03

So he is homeless and only receives £1k a month, but gives you £350?

What’s your point? If you don’t want him in your house, don’t allow him in.

liveforsummer · 30/05/2026 08:03

Normally I’d say absolutely he should be feeding his dc but in this situation I didn’t suppose he can, on top of paying such a huge chunk of his income already. He definitely wouldn’t be liable for anywhere near that via CMS. Obviously don’t know the ins and outs but presumably once he’s back on his feet he’ll be able to contribute more but not sure how he’ll get there surviving on 650 a month and no home

LakieLady · 30/05/2026 08:11

SnappyQuoter · 29/05/2026 22:48

What country are you thinking of? Because no, the UK government is not sending £350 a month to the OP as child maintenance.

Child maintenance is paid by the non-resident parent from their one income. The OP’s ex actually should only be paying £7 a week because he is on benefits, so he is paying more by choice. The government is not paying that (they are paying his single person benefits, but… a single homeless lan wouldn’t get £1000 in benefits so this whole thread is probably bullshit).

Show quote history

He could be getting that much if he has health issues. My brother is single and gets almost exactly that amount; he's on contribution based ESA, PIP and a tiny bit of UC.

He has no housing costs because he owns his home outright.

Sallysparkles · 30/05/2026 08:17

Another one with five kids relying on benefits. Don’t have five kids because your circumstances may well change. 50% of people get divorced including people like you and your Nigel.

Ponoka7 · 30/05/2026 08:18

He only has to give you around £36 a month. While he is homeless, there's no other solution, unless he has a family member who will help. He's right that you should be providing the food and because he sees them so often, it should be a normal tea, not a treat one. I wouldn't rock the boat, you'll be £300 down. You can't force someone into giving what they don't want to and legally don't have to.

Hotupnorth · 30/05/2026 08:20

Unsurprisingly the OP has buggered off having added her goady post (stealth benefits bashing).

Ponoka7 · 30/05/2026 08:23

@SnappyQuoter someone I kniw £837 UC and £778.40 PIP. Her health issues were self inflicted. She thinks she has to be on medication to get PIP, gets two controlled drugs and sells them. She gets more than my DD, who works in Catering in the NHS.

JollyGreenSleeves · 30/05/2026 08:30

I don’t get all the sympathy for the dad- £350 is fuck all when it comes to raising 5 kids. Someone has to pay for everything. It’s bloody shit that it isn’t split equally between mum and dad.
I presume he is an adult with choices? Capacity? So why do his needs trump the kids?

The only reason I would let him see the kids in the mum’s home is purely for the kids sake- but he is not entitled to it. Far from it. He had just as much of a responsibility to house and feed his kids as the mum. Why do we let men get away with being such shit parents?

EG94 · 30/05/2026 08:34

Get a job, strongly suspect you aren’t working either and aren’t homeless because the state have housed you and stop having kids you can’t afford to keep. Your ex needs to sort himself out but you sound like you’d take his last penny just so he didn’t have it. Homeless, paying more than he can afford in his situation and seeing his kids 4 days a week. I’d say he ain’t doing bad in that regard

RainbowMoonbeam · 30/05/2026 08:53

F*ck that man all the way off. I know I'm going to get called cold and I don't care. Ask yourself what would happen if you were like "Welp I can only spend £350 a month on them and have no where to live either"... would he pull him self together and find a place to house them and allow you to sit in for half the week?
If he's determined to be useless use him as free childcare insist the visits are regular hours and go out and get a job/go back to school in the hours that he's there. Put yourself in the strongest position possible eventually they'll all be in school and you can put your hours up even more.
It's not fair, but unfortunately women are expected to cater to men who simply don't give a toss and need to be coddled to take on a fraction of the responsibility they should.
It's sh-t, you're right to be p×ssed off, but try and use the situation as best you can.

CodeAmber · 30/05/2026 09:23

I take it you’re also on benefits and expecting the state to support you and your 5 (!) kids?! Why on earth did you have so many? Feckless.

NameChangeAgain48 · 30/05/2026 09:43

IsthataNo · 30/05/2026 07:08

@NameChangeAgain48 we don't know anything about this man except he "blows his money " he could be a raging drunk, druggie or even gambler.

Which is why he's homeless.
All still need compassion etc but i also think it's a huge strain to deal with. ..

We know a lot about him. He sees his kids 4 days a week. He is a good dad. He pay more than £300 above the legally required amount of CM. He has a health condition because that's the only way he's getting £1000 a month on benefits.

@Bonjovirocks123 isnt talking about not wanting to feed him. She's talking about not wanting to feed their kids in his time because it isnt her responsibility. She's wrong. If it was me I'd absolutely feed him, let him have a shower and tell him to put a wash on while he was in my home. Once upon a time she loved hi. Enough to make 5 kids with him and whatever has happened or not happened he's her kids father.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 30/05/2026 10:27

Springleaves26 · 30/05/2026 07:49

You’re not having to feed the children for £350 a month as you either have your own income or assets or you would be entitled to 3k+ a year per child plus your rent and council tax, child benefit, free school meals plus an allowance for yourself, so I find this post slightly disingenuous. Yes obviously if he had the means he should be having the children at his and feeding them himself as a matter of fairness, if he had residency himself that would be easy for him due to the benefits and housing he would be entitled to?

Depends if she works as she won't be entitled to some of those things.

Springleaves26 · 30/05/2026 11:27

Coffeeandbooks88 · 30/05/2026 10:27

Depends if she works as she won't be entitled to some of those things.

Show quote history

Either way she’s not having to feed the kids on £350 a month, if was a father earning whatever and his unemployed ex wife giving him £350 it would be disingenuous for him to bleat that he was having to feed his kids on £350 a month, we’d rightly call him a a selfish prick for not using some of his own money to support his own children or think him stupid for not claiming the benefits he’s entitled to if he was on no/low income

reptilemad1985 · 30/05/2026 12:06

my reply was deleted stand by it don't have kids if you cant afford

Bollixtothat · 30/05/2026 12:16

Poor children . What jobs did you both have when you decided to have 5 children together? Also how much if do you receive and what hob do you currently have ?
We’d need to know your side too.

Bollixtothat · 30/05/2026 12:16

*uc

Krazylegs21 · 30/05/2026 14:31

Skybluepinky · 29/05/2026 11:18

If he wasn’t homeless he’d be paying you less as his rent would be taken into consideration.

Rent is not taken in to consideration with the Child Maintenance Team. They dont care about the absent parents outgoings, They take a percentage of the Net pay. My husband would not be able to afford to live if I wasn't earning. I agree that absent parents should pay for their children, but not at any cost.