How would you deal with a six year old speaking rudely daily?

[Samsung1122]

How would you handle a 6 yr old speaking rudely on a daily basis.

points at me and says “you stop telling me what to do” he does this infront of people and even at home.

he says “your a liar”

“oh shut up”

if someone says how’s the meal or how’s school been he just says “stupid” everything is “stupid”

“go get me food now”

im starting to get really fed up with it now i have explained we dont use these words and to speak respectfully but he donsnt seem to listen, me and his father do not use this language at home.

we went to the dentist today and he started telling me to shut up and that im not the boss of him and can’t tell him what to do and even turned and said the same to the dentist, then at the end proceeded to say I don’t want to see you again to the dentist 😩😲.

I used to lower my glasses and say, “Excuse me?” In a deep, stern voice.
Otherwise, unofficial “time out”? like, you don’t call it that, but you’d say, “Right, William, that’s rude, so when you speak to me properly, we can have food/a chat/TV.”
”I’m going out of the room now until you are polite.”
That is maddening if you definitely don’t speak like that to one another. Does your DS have a rude/cheeky friend?

I'd change the way I speak to him?

Walk away. Each and every time no matter where you are or what you are doing. No reaction to this is the only way forward. I went through this with my eldest and it soon cracked it.

Suppose I would go back to time outs and taking away of toys/tv time/games

'How would you like it if I spoke to you like that?
One more chance to phrase that differently... OK then, I am going to shut up, I won't speak to you any more. Go to your room now, since you don't want to be around any one/I'm leaving the room now as I don't want to be around you. Once you speak properly we can chat.'

And leave every time..

'I can't understand rude.. it's a shame noone is replying to me when I ask if anyone wants ice cream/dinner/pocket money now..
No one likes people who talks rudely, you'll have no friends, shall I tell your headmaster'
Lol

Just stop doing things for him completely and only respond if he talks normally and nicely. "Thank you for speaking respectfully"
He's obviously picking it up from a kid at school or the TV/YouTube if he has it

I would be extremely voluble and loud on how totally unacceptable I find this way of speaking to ANYONE, especially me, and I would remove him to a very boring place for a good six minutes, and dinner would be plain rice and hard cheese. If he hadn’t the good grace to be very sorry about this, for example if he resisted the ‘naughty step’ of was defiant, I would have to ramp it up a gear and remove privileges, pocket money, toys or a treat. There’s no way a kid is going to even suspect he’s ‘won’ with behaviour like this. He’s going to have to be very sad about his choices.

Thank you for the advice, it’s all really helpful.

I do feel like I need to be hard and up my game because he’s got to a point that he shrugs and says I don’t care, he’s only 6 I’m worried what 16 will look like if I don’t nip this now. I would never have spoke to my parents or other people like he does. He’s got many amazing qualities about him which i adore, I want him to show respect though.

yes he has a very cheeky friend and since starting with him last year is when we started to notice it, not much we can do about that though but I can do my best to guide my son.

Agree with completely ignoring it. One of my grandaughters went through a stage of this. I would just carry on with whatever I was doing and ignore her. If she demanded something, I would wander into another room and do something else (even the damn hoovering), ignoring all the ‘didn’t you hear me, I said I wanted…’ until she asked politely.

If she was rude to me, I’d carry on as if she hadn’t spoken, and if she was rude to others, I’d spell out ‘ignore her, please’ to them in a friendly chatty voice and carry on with my conversation.

I would use a low fierce growling tone, get down to his level, look him in the eye and tell him no uncertain terms that he is not to speak like that. If he’s doing something he enjoys, I’d remove him from that immediately. If it’s something I need him to to eg dentist, there’d be a serious consequence.

I wouldn’t walk away. He’d be walking away to get away from my wrath. No way would I put up with being spoken to like that by any child.

My child gets nothing without asking nicely or speaking kindly. Absolute bloody grey rock. Not a single pleasant thing happens if he dares to speak rudely.

Well - assume kids pick up language used in their presence…so….

If my six-year-old said "Go get me food now" he'd be going to bed without any food at all for that/the next mealtime.

New start. Explain to him that sort of rudeness to anybody is not allowed. Zero tolerance, e.g. tv time has to be earned by say 2 hours of polite behaviour, and is docked for any rudeness. Build up stickers (one every "good" day) towards a prize.t

Make it clear you are his boss, and he needs you to supply his food/clothes/toys/ bed etc.f

Edited to add: if his cheeky friend talks like this in your house, say firmly "We don’t talk in that rude way in our house". I would hesitate about letting your DS play much with him (though I know it can’t be helped at school).

Keep using your kind voice, not angry voice, and explaining what is ok to say, but it would be a benefit to seek guidance from a professional psychologist, for appropriate guidance for positive change, and support for you as parents., taking intro account his strengths and abilities and situation, as a six year old trying to figure out how to make the most of his day to day life

Well at 6 you have let this go on for a while.

I'd work out what your strategy is and once you have the rules and consequences... sit him down and explain there is a full reset happening. Then buckle in and be willing to die on that hill.

Then enforce it. Consistently and endlessly and when you want to scream keep going then one day its easier..

My children wouldnt have a drop of juice a lick of an icelolly or a stroke of their favourite stuffy with that kind of chat.
I have no time for any of that behaviour and would suffer through whatever to nip it in the bud. I view it as short term pain long term gains.

To give you an idea my dd4 if asked will tell you that they are the "play boss" and I am the boss of everything else.
My dd also told a neighbour sadly that the only time daddy gets to be boss of anything is when mummy goes out. 😅

"Play boss" is important though. my children are both fairly defiant/ strong willed. They get choices and have a lot of autonomy over play and when we are out (what we do what they eat).
Unwilling play whatever dumb shit they want with enthusiasm and with a cheery disposition for 30 mins or so before bed. I think this is very important in terms of connection.

They dont dictate meals - dinner is dinner. If they hate it they get ham sandwich or cheerios.

They both have little "chores" so they put their food in the bin and plates and cutlery in dishwasher.
They also help put clothes in the wash and help put socks in baskets and pair them up (it's a game)

Rudeness is not tolerated.

Op - speaking as a mum and teacher, whilst yes, ignore and remove yourself when he does this, also make sure you ‘catch’ and praise every time he IS polite and kind, naming the positive behaviours and how they make you feel. It might be that you need to nurture some positive friendships as well and try to distance him from less positive influences (chat to his teacher about how he can be sat with positive role models). Also think about hobbies that allow him a positive physical outlet for frustration/ anger but which build confidence - cubs, team sports like touch rugby, swimming. All these will teach self regulation and cooperation. Good luck!

If they said 'shut up' to me I would say 'excuse me?' and then tell them it was unacceptable and refuse to engage in ANY form till they had apologised. Second time it happened that day, there would be a sanction.
"Go get me food now" would elicit a 'and what is the magic word" and I wouldn't do it otherwise.
A 'you are not the boss of me' would result in me ignoring it and him for a while and saying: either you speak politely to me or I don't speak to you. And your friends will do the same if you are like this. I am also happy to tell my children that I am their mum not their mate. So yes, I am their 'boss' and I do get to tell them what to do. But if they have questions about a decision of mine they are welcome to ask me. My decision won't change but I am happy to explain it to them when asked politely.
Like a PP my children have been expected to do chores from a very young age. It is not optional. I also don't get into the cycle of constant explanation and negotiation.

But mainly I am okay with my children being uncomfortable, unhappy and cross because they didn't get their own way. To me that's part of the learning curve of growing up. In return when they are good, I offer lots of specific praise- and also try and spend as much time with them daily as I can.

I would explain to him that how he is speaking is rude! I would give him alternative things to say and praise him for being polite every time ! If he continues to be rude stop everything and tell him sternly and if he continues then tell him he will get consequences removed toys tv time ect

I have explained we don't use these words and to speak respectfully

Or what? What are the consequences of being rude?

And what tone of voice do you use when saying the above phrase OP? How firm are you prepared to be? I have heard parents using words like that in the most defeated way, when clearly they and the child both know that the child has the upper hand. That doesn't make for a happy child. You will be doing your son a massive favour by getting a grip on this behaviour now.

What consequences has he had so far for the way he speaks to you /other people?

Have you spoken to school as to how he is there? @Samsung1122

Supposedly we are the sum of the 5 people we spend the most time with. If this friend is rude and cheeky, and that’s affecting your son’s behaviour, you need to speak to his teacher and hugely limit their time together until both start acting right. Agree with those that say come down hard on this behaviour- he should get nothing until he asks correctly. Model good communication to him but have rock solid boundaries. He’s old enough to know better but young enough to be easily led by others. Definitely nip this in the bud before he’s older.

WTF?

You raise your voice and put the fear of god into him and he won’t do it again.

A swift…who do you think you’re talking to….i don’t speak to you without respect so do NOT dare to speak to me like that….but I think that is built over time…I’m not big on lots of things but respect is one thing I am.

Did you read all of the post you reposted? ‘me and his father do not use this language at home.’