Is family life with children really one constant rush?

[LivelaughLibby]

Me and DH are TTC and for context, in our mid-thirties. We get plenty of unsolicited advice/ opinion on babies and children generally and I cannot work out if I’m being too sensitive (I probably am).

Most of the comments are “just you wait” type comments but the recurring theme or maybe the topic that has me most worried is the constant rush everyone talks about. The rush to get up, get changed, breakfast sorted and off to nursery/ school then the rush to work, repeat and rinse for collecting after nursery/ school etc.

Is it really that bad? Is life just one big rush? We have such intense jobs that we have made sure our life is as calm and peaceful as we can make it! I’m not sure if that would just continue and filter down to a child/ children or if we are being naive and we need to brace for chaos.

Yeah agree with this.

Life for us as HENRYs prekids was a solid 7....

we had 2 under 2 and both still work FT.... i'd say now we regularly hover at 6 a lot and have a few days that are a 2s but we also hit 10s alot.

And the 10s are 🥰😍🤩🫠🫠🫠 and make it all worth it.

We both work full time, two kids. Yes, I’d say we’re often in a rush. Never enough time for anything.

It’s a big change, but you’ll do fine.

There’s a lot of rushing around (or trying to rush, with a dawdling child) when you both work, just because of rush hour timings / nursery illnesses / toddlers with strong opinions who don’t share your priorities.

You get used to it, though. And apart from nursery / school runs a lot of the rushing is optional.

And not everyone finds it tough. Some people (not me 😞) have the good fortune to be extremely organised and tidy and punctual by nature, and often those people reproduce with similar people, and have children who are innately organised and agreeable. These parents (along with the very wealthy, or well supported parents) seem to find it all a breeze, and never know what anyone’s talking about when they say family life is stressful. You and your partner may be calm and organised people who have calm and organised babies - it’s not uncommon!

But people who find parenting a doddle tend not to talk too much about it because (a) it doesn’t make for very interesting conversation (b) nobody wants to hear it when they’re struggling with PPD or a non-sleeping colicky baby or a demon toddler or unexpected triplets or whatever.

People manage one way or the other.

It would be lovely if you do decide and are fortunate enough to conceive! I think we all have our own 'hypothetical child' and perfect plans in our heads before we start, so it’s really interesting to see yours mapped out.
Please do come back to this thread in a couple of years to update us on how the reality of your little one compares to the plans you’ve made! I’d love to see how things actually played out for you, and it would be nice to see and might be good for others who are maybe asking similar questions in the future. Good luck x

😂 You are the Queen of passive aggression and I absolutely love it

You honestly just can't predict how it will be. I remember reading loads on MN about how once you've had one baby, having another is straightforward as second babies just 'slot into family life'.

I wish someone had explained that to DC2, a tiny tornado who pretty much levelled our fairly chilled life with DC1 and made us build a new (but also lovely) normal!

T honestly depends on how you set up your life, and on your priorities.

If you have fomo and want to schedule literally every moment with memorable occasions, extra curricular classes and choose schools/jobs far from home then yes. But we specifically chose to take a big financial hit to live more quietly, with DH cutting down to 4 days per week and me working from home. We didn’t do extra dance classes etc, DH worked near home to begin with, and hobbies got dropped.

Now I’m a sahm but that’s due to neurodivergent kids who can’t do school. But still, very little rushing around.

It’s chaotic in a wonderful way, but no I don’t feel like it’s a constant rush with no stopping all day everyday. I’ve got two and yes things have to be done at a certain time and there’s structure and routine but in my situation for example my partner and I have evenings together from 7pm when the children are in bed and we unwind and relax which helps recharge us for the next day. Ignore the “just wait” brigade, having children is awesome

Are you me? 😂 this is exactly my experience, my first was the most happy, chilled and easy going little kid alive and we expected the same with our second. We were wrong, she’s a menace in every sense of the word but she’s fucking awesome and makes the new normal even more fun!

You have really made me miss being pregnant. That first pregnancy with your first is so incredibly magical. You're so excited and optimistic and have all these wonderful ideas about what a great, organized, patient parent you will be, and your career will go on as before, and your DH will be an equal parent, and babies will just slot into your life etc etc. They future looks so bright and you are so naive. I'd pay anything for that feeling again.

😂😂😂