CMS payments with 50/50 shared care for kids

[MyCandidTiger]

Hi,

My ex and myself are currently going through separation. We have 2 children under 9 and I was a stay at home mum for the past 8 years. Last year I got back into full-time work and this year we are separating.
We want to share custody and time with kids 50/50, which led me to believe I have no entitlement regarding CMS. I ran the CMS calculator and it told me even with 50/50 shared care for the kids he would still need to pay £457 / month.

He earns triple my salary and said: " if his finances allow he can support me". He thinks he doesn't need to pay anything.
I spoke to a family solicitor and they said legally it would not be enforceable for him to pay any CMS if we share 50/50. He said I should reconsider our 50/50 arrangement, which I don't want as it feels unfair to the kids and him. I want my kids to have equal time with both of us but my ex wants to split child costs 50/50 which is not sustainable for me given I earn 3x less.

Was there anyone in a similar situation and how did you solve this?
What's the legal situation here?

He is being an arse and is not your friend.

you must match this.

if he wants 50:50 childcare, he does 50/50. Booking their clubs, taking every other day off for their illness, doing half their laundry, etc, he might change his mind.

in my divorce, (similar in terms of sahm (well part time) he was on about £100k, me £10k) the meditator did it in terms of ‘needs’. What did I need to add to my 10k to be able to look after them? They called it spousal maintenance. That is where you might unfortunately not be eligible.

but then they looked at the kids activities. The mediator said we could just pay 50/50 if every time they needed say ballet shoes we both paid half. OR - I worked it out and said to my ex - if you give me £X I’ll carry on sorting it - he bit my hand off. They called that spousal maintenance too.

but also, stand firm. I recall my ex was to have them a Tuesday and a Friday. When the first Tuesday came he texted ‘so I’ll pick them up at 6pm on my way home from work’ my response? ‘I don’t think so sunshine, school finishes at 3.20pm, I’m not even in.’

I think you need to search and read a thread started by ProlongedAffair and see how things ended for her.

The problem here is that your ex is either a permanent arsehole, or very bitter about this. My own ex absolutely gives me the money I need to make sure our girls have a good life 100% of the time. Because at the end of the day, we both want what’s best for our kids.

Lol if I earn triple of what he earns and he is the one moving out having to start fresh I'd happily support him as the father of my children who has them half the time. I can be that rational and fair, yes.

Honestly the tearing down of the OP on this is horrendous.

Because she has a lower earning capacity due to their joint capacity that she was a sahm??? Rocket science, this isn’t.

Decision not capacity

That’s not what being a SAHM means.

You will lose, at best money and dignity, at worst the respect of your children.

Read my thread.

It doesn’t work like that if you don’t get married.

You don’t get the benefits of being married without getting married.

Look, all you buttholes are not wrong.
I made stupid decisions to trust the person I had children with and was together for 10 years of my life. A situation I will teach my daughter not ever to end up in. I gave up my career to look after my kids. And it's fine. I'm not destroyed. I'm buying my own house having my own freedom living my second half in peace.
I'm rebuilding my career, i have studied while having small children with no support and got an entry job last year with a good trajectory.

I won't be struggling, I know I'll be fine.. my question was simply if he needs to pay CMS due to earning that much more than me.

No need to be a dick about things.

That is so bad! The law needs to change there.

Where's your thread?

um? Did you mean to quote me? I’m trying to help you?

What all that got to do with you wanting money when you don’t qualify?

when you were a stay at home mum for 8 years, who paid all the bills? Did he demand you stayed at home?

no one is being a dick, just giving there opinion on things, if you don’t like it then don’t post on a public forub

You seem to have a need to make sure I don't forget that it was my decision to stay at home without being married. I get it. I take full responsibility for my choices. But so should my other ex half. But that's obviously not for me to control.

Our agreement as per the court order was as it’s 50:50 and he earns more than me there is no maintenance but he pays for the afterschool costs (which is about 50 a week term time)and any large expenses like school uniform, dental costs etc are split 50:50.

Right. You’ve misunderstood my intentions completely which was to try to help you. I’m out im afraid. Good luck.

Lol apologies, I quoted wrong here 😂

You do everything on the days the DC are with you, he does everything on his days. He does school runs, appointments, school meetings on his days, buys presents for parties they attend on his days, takes them to clubs and so on.

Nope. The state getting involved in people's love lives should only happen when they deliberately opt in by signing a contract. Flatmates/boyfriend and girlfriend automatically getting legal protection is a terrible idea. .

Anyway OP, best go by the professional legal advice you've had, there are loads of posts on this thread confidently spouting stuff they just made up in their heads.

OP this is Prolonged Affairs thread (there is also a part 2).

Massive kudos for her for now trying to help others who find themselves in similar circumstances

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

just to suggest you should be entitled to universal credit if on 29k if you don’t have savings over 16k so once you’ve brought your house - can help with childcare etc

Which is a totally different thing from CMS…

How’s it bad, if you want the benefits of marriage you get married. Of course it shouldn’t be boyfriends and girlfriends are automatically entitled to half of everything the other party has.