CMS payments with 50/50 shared care for kids

[MyCandidTiger]

Hi,

My ex and myself are currently going through separation. We have 2 children under 9 and I was a stay at home mum for the past 8 years. Last year I got back into full-time work and this year we are separating.
We want to share custody and time with kids 50/50, which led me to believe I have no entitlement regarding CMS. I ran the CMS calculator and it told me even with 50/50 shared care for the kids he would still need to pay £457 / month.

He earns triple my salary and said: " if his finances allow he can support me". He thinks he doesn't need to pay anything.
I spoke to a family solicitor and they said legally it would not be enforceable for him to pay any CMS if we share 50/50. He said I should reconsider our 50/50 arrangement, which I don't want as it feels unfair to the kids and him. I want my kids to have equal time with both of us but my ex wants to split child costs 50/50 which is not sustainable for me given I earn 3x less.

Was there anyone in a similar situation and how did you solve this?
What's the legal situation here?

They won’t care I’m afraid. You’re not married, and the CMS calculator doesn’t work in cases of 50/50. If he has your children 50/50 from what you’ve said he won’t have to pay anything.

I think you giving up your career would only be addressed in a divorce. You are unmarried.

Does he now do 50:50?

Thats the key question.

Like last week, yes 😂 it all seems a bit ridiculous to be fair.

I thought you both wanted to have equal time with the children? If you don't want 50/50 then maybe a solicitor can help.

Yeah I obviously don't want to go to court and also not argue him seeing the kids 50/50 as it's not fair for the kids. But it seems crazy that just gets all the benefits of it all and I am left hanging so to speak.

Family court will just stress everyone out, ruin any amicability and waste a lot of money.

It's unfortunate that this is the situation. If you were posting 8 years ago, I'd say, either get married or definitely do not give up your career because if you split he won't have to support you financially.

But it is what it is, and fighting it will just delay the inevitable and make it harder.

As others have said, you now need to assess what you CAN afford and if you can't afford it, either he will have to pay himself or the children won't have it. Sadly, you can't control that.

I'm pretty both is true, he wants it now that we are separating and not having to pay any support is a nice bonus out of all of it. When before I needed to force him to go to soccer practice and attend any kids birthdays as he "doesn't enjoy kids parties"

Anyway, yeah it doesn't seem like there will be any arrangement really that will help me on this side of things.

Thanks all for your help.

Yeah future me would have not made this decision. But here we are.

does he do genuine 50:50 as in from School to school, sick days, dr and dentist appointments. I would make sure this is all agreed in 50:50 so you don’t end up having to be the person taking unpaid leave to cover sickness etc. if he needs to use clubs / childcare on his days then he pays for them.

It’s different if you only see your kids half the week op, rather than all week ans someone willing to do it.

as said, it doesn’t matter, it’s not how cms is calculated. It’s how many nights, in 50 50 he doesn’t have to pay towards you caring for your kids on your time, and you don’t need to pay him either. It’s equal parenting. You’re both responsible for your own costs. And neither of you gets a say in how the other parents on their time. Unless neglect or abuse comes in. Including if either of you introduce new partners. What presents you buy or parties they go to.

you will make it work. You always knew this was a risk, but you’re back in work, and it will get easier.

No he doesn't and never has done. All he did was work.

We have been separated 3 months now but living in the same house. Currently going through the transfer of equity process.

So literally since last week he is on the school app from the kids, starts making dinners and packs school lunches.

It's just so frustrating. I obviously don't want to go through court and just have to suck it up I think for everyone's mental wellbeing as this will be already hard on the kids. Without any of the financial faff.

That’s why people get married before having kids, because your input would have been reflected in the financial settlement.

Theres also a lengthy thread on here somewhere who tried to claim CM from a 50:50 parent, the CM ended up claiming CB for one child (and paying it back) and counterclaiming CM from the other person who ended up worse off from it all - so be careful.

But it was your choice to be a SAHM, no? It is widely advised to not give up work and rely financially on your OH, especially when you’re not married!

You absolutely can claim CMS on 50/50 split as he is the higher earner. Once CMS has been established it is enforceable and the cases of 50/50 meaning nothing to pay is where earnings are quite evenly matched. Or in America. In the UK you can claim and I have personal experience in this area.

Edited to add: being married has nothing to do with is if he is their father CMS still applies

Ok, interesting. What's your personal experience?

Don't tell porkies.

Ummm 🤔 I thought you had to pay if you were the higher earner but seeing that nope.

However my friends split 50/50 and he is a much higher earner than her and he has to pay her £700 a month and they have exactly 50/50

No she can’t.

Then they came to an agreement or were married.

Stick to 50-50 rigidly so he doesn't just have the children for overnights but pay no child care when he's working and they are with him or do any of their admin
He won't last long as an equal parent as he's never been one
then when they are with you more than 50% of the time you claim cms
until then you'll have to work to your own budget during your 50% of the time

This is incorrect. I worked for CMS. 50/50 means no CMS due. Maintenance can be claimed in cases with a huge income discrepancy but that’s through court, not CMS.

There is a very recent thread on here by someone who totally ignored the advice I (and many others) gave and is now massively counting the costs as the advice was correct.

There is no CMS due in cases of shared care.

Either they came to a mutual agreement or, if it’s legally sanctioned, then it’s been done through court. Not CMS.

If the higher earner earns more than £156k (I think that's the right figure but might be wrong!) you can get a separate order in court which doesn't go through CMS.

Also, CMS is notorious for getting it wrong, so it's quite common in 50:50 for one parent to be ordered to pay but then if they take it to tribunal the receiving parent will be ordered to pay it all back.