When & Why did parenting become child centric?

[crawlingovertheline]

I’m curious to understand why there’s been such a shift in parenting over the past 50 years.

Children of the 70s/80s were (ok, this is generalising) definitely second to the parents needs. Safety didn’t seem a priority, attitudes toward nutrition are exponentially different to how they are now, we (again generalising) were kicked out at 18, on our own to find our way.
Now parents promise to be the best they can be for their kids, they (we) toil and make massive sacrifices to do everything we can for our children.

Why the shift though? Where did it start? Any clues?

I really don't think it's true that kids in the 70s were secondary to parental needs, that's not my experience or the experience of my school friends.

My parents were very much working class, mum gave up work to be a SAHM and dad worked in semi skilled work in a factory. They made big finanacial sacrifices to care for us. Life revolved around me and my brother and family- taking us to school, visiting grandparents, playing with us, teaching us to care for pets, having friends to tea, etc. We had a little more freedom to go out and play with friends maybe, there wasn't much angst around parenting as it was simple- eat well, go to bed early, do as you are told, play a lot, spend time with family, don't watch too much telly etc. Food was home-cooked and we ate what we were given which was wholesome and generally unprocessed, we did our homework, we went on short holidays to the seaside, school discos, dancing classes, Brownies, day trips to the zoo, sharing a bedroom, staying in a caravan and so on.

Thanks for your reply, but why can’t you be a bit more objective? Surely we all have our own experiences? Why not add a reasonable argument or input instead of saying my question is a loads of bollocks? It was a conversation starter for discussion, that’s all!

And yet children nowadays have more mental health issues

I'll just leave this here:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/440839-but-we-took-you-to-stately-homes-a-thread-for

It partly depends on the age of the children I suppose, but going to a museum with my toddler wouldn’t be enjoyable (for me.) I find posts like this hard as they make me question my parenting and worry I’m doing it all wrong because my two year old wouldn’t quietly walk with me and let me enjoy an experience like this, but she’s two, I don’t think that’s abnormal.

So at the moment my life does revolve around them because they need me. It isn’t forever and I will come out the other side but no amount of forcing them to sit in restaurants and walk around museums is going to make them grow up any faster!

2004
Every child matters in the National curriculum

before that Adults led and children followed

the sooner balance returns
the better

In the USA is was around 1999

Just throwing this out there - I think there was a shift when Madeleine Mcann went missing. Before that, kids were kids…afterwards they became something more, they were little perfect beings who could do no wrong and parents were terrified of losing.

Hear, hear!

What the …

It was LONG before that

I was a school governor when the academic articles were coming through
and I saw the "child centred learning" cult start in California in the 90's

Proper food in the 70s/ 80s?

I remember:
Sunny Delight
Tartrazine in orange squash
Bright orange breadcrumbs on fish fingers
Soda stream. Lots of fizzy drinks generally.
Macdonalds /Wimpy being seen as a treat
Smash mashed potatoes

You know, you're absolutely right. I shouldn't have been so rude to you. I'm very sorry.
I still don't think your premise is correct though. There was a lot of child centred parenting in the past, it's not new. There's always been good and bad parenting

Hold on a minute. Seat belts didn’t exist, now we buy cars that are huge to transport the kids safely. There are countless threads about 11+ coaching, we have baby sensory classes, pregnancy vitamins, private scans, fashion brands just for children, countless extra curricular classes, child therapists, NCT classes, having my own experience and perception is not an astounding ignorance - how rude!

That really doesn’t reflect my 80s childhood! Some things were different but on the whole my parents did their best for us and made sacrifices

100 bloody percent THIS.

Thank you, that’s interesting.

It's not a problem putting children at the centre of child rearing- that's how it should be. The problem seems to be the shift form child-centred to child dominated.

I work in education and adults are now frightened to take charge of their children. It has become socially unacceptable to be firm with children, to demand compliance, and to have firm boundaries which are enforced. Parents are vilified for raising voices, showing annoyance or anger, criticising behaviour or having high expectations of children. Instead, everything is negotiable, everything is accepted, children are not expected to control themselves, not expected to be independent or have responsibilities, given too many choices and allowed too much autonomy which they are developmentally not able to cope with.

In response to all this children are insecure, feel out of control and overwhelmed by their own power. They are testing the boundaries constantly, crying out for adults to reign them in which never happens.

I agree with the comment about the introduction of freely available contraception. This in turn allowed women to work more and thus had fewer children. These days having children is a choice and parents are often keen to make sacrifices. Pre 60s, having kids /marriage was a given so life just carried on. I find the comment about religion, psychiatry and psychology influence very interesting.

My parents and my grandparents made massive sacrifices for their kids and cared about safety and nutrition.

What they didn’t do was helicopter whilst simultaneously clutching their pearls

None of that was a daily occurrence though, was it? Water was the main drink. In most households, sunny D/pop was a treat at the weekend. Even if it was daily, it would mostly be 1 glass in the evening (or sunny d for breakfast). Yes, junk was starting to become mainstream but it was still seen as something to enjoy in moderation, not the go to.

Some of this is just people spotting money making opportunities and a rise in consumerism. Keeping up with the joneses...the car thing will be partly safety for children and partly flogging stuff and fear of getting sued. I did NCT classes and they were a waste of money but it was a way of trying to feel like I had some control over something I didn't really and to boost my confidence.

Some we do definitely need - child therapists we need.

I would love to know the answer to this. As a child of the 70s and as a parent to two teens, I feel as though my childhood coincided with everything being dictated by the adults and my adulthood revolving around the children. When is it going to be my turn to be the centre of everything?! Fortunately, I had no ties in my 20s, a well paid career and lived by myself so I could do what I wanted then. —I miss my 20s!—

11+ coaching has existed for as long as the 11+.

Pregnancy vitamins have certainly existed longer than a decade or so, as have NCT classes.

A lot of the above is just societal change. Women on maternity leave sometimes like to speak to other women on maternity leave; shock horror.

Sorry, forgot to say I’m not from the UK.
Where I grew up, most mums were housewives.

This is the same theme of criticism educators have had for parents throughout time. In the 90s it was the teenage pregnancy epidemic, now it’s their lack of resilience.
It’s an exaggerated social commentary that blames the parents rather than society, who are always shown in time to be the real source of the behaviour.

Yes, I hear you!