Returning to work with a baby and school pick-up worries

[DreamySquid]

Returning back to work after baby, I'm struggling to ask for help I have a lo in school and a baby. My job entails a 3.5hr drive there (as I moved away on mat leave) so I can bring my baby with me as I have family to help while I'm at work but I'm struggling to find a solution for my other child at school my partner works and it'll be difficult to work my work around his work.(mines mon-friday) his are shift 4 on 4off falls different each week. So some days are fine as he'll be off to have him other times I'll have no one unless I ask his parents which I really don't like asking for help and I think its unfair on them as he isn't theres if thats makes sense. Basically how do I do this? Any advise? Any solutions? My plan is to get get a job this area but so far nothing is about.

Does the school have wraparound care. If not have you looked into childminders?

That’s one hell of a commute to work!

What sort of hours childcare would you need on the days your partner works? It sounds like you might need a nanny if it’s outside normal nursery hours. Even if you need someone only 2 days a week, if these days aren’t the same days, it’ll have to be some full time.

I used wrap around carethat I paid for. What were your plans when you moved? The local council should have lists of childminders etc.

They don't but theres a nursery nearby that does. I don't mind paying but I will be doing my shifts all in one go so I'll be away for 2nights and come back saves doing a 7hr drive in 1 day. The times my partner work are 5am til 5pm 2day and then he does 2night shifts. The days I can get wrap around for him but its when he does nights I'm at a loss.

My plan was to find work close by but there isn't any jobs going at the hospitals near by. I have to go back to work if nothing lined up otherwise I'll be paying my mat leave back. The plan was to transfer so it wont affect my mat leave if there was a job going as its nhs. But turns out its not as simple as that

My plan was to find work close by but there isn't any jobs going at the hospitals near by. I have to go back to work if nothing lined up otherwise I'll be paying my mat leave back. The plan was to transfer so it wont affect my mat leave if there was a job going as its nhs. But turns out its not as simple as that

Can you used your accrued annual leave to delay your return to 3 months? Then you could quit if you're able to afford this, or use the extra time off to look for alternative work. What is it that you do in the NHS? A lot of roles have skills that are transferable.

Why do you have to pay your Mat leave at back.

It sounds like one of you needs to stop work. Your current set up simply won't work and you can expect someone to look after your children two nights a week whilst you're both working.

If there's no roles nearby and presumably you've been looking for a while is there a role you can sidestep into or a different job for your partner to ensure he's home each night?

That’s really not going to be possible unless you pay by for a live in nanny. There’s not going to be childcare available from 5am otherwise. It’s also not going to be great for baby doing two 3.5 hour drives every few days.

You really need to rethink going back. This is not sustainable and not fair on your children

I agree with others this isn’t a sustainable plan for anyone. Is your partner father to both children?

You away two nights at a time and his working a lot of nights means realistically unless you can afford live in help you will be stuck.

No only dad to baby which is why I struggle to ask his parents for help with my one in school. They have the other grandchildren but feel bad asking for them to have mine.

Because with nhs you are entitled to omp if you've been there so long which i have its basically better pay for mat leave if you don't go back you have to pay it back.

Unfortunately your job, his job, and your location is not going to be sustainable, and something will have to give.

To be perfectly fair even if they were both his children it would be a huge ask to have them both so frequently overnight. You really need to sit down and work out a plan going forward because without one of you changing jobs this situation won't work.

I was a health care assistant on the wards, and currently working in theatres. I've looked for both in this area and non about atm. I could find a way to delay 3m then quit but then I'll be jobless.

Yeah think we're trying to figure out if I can do it just when he's off or on days and get wrap around care so after school he'll go to that and partner can collect him after work. I really do try to have a conversation about how its going to work but I don't get much out of my partner other then I'm not sure and that he can't work overtime so I can stay at home with the kids as theres non going then thats the end of the conversation. I would like to stay in work as its the only thing I still have atm.

Wait what? You drive 3.5 hrs a day to work? How many days? I don’t understand. So you drop eldest at school and then drive? How does this work?

you need a new job or to move. It’s not sustainable

What does your partner do? Can he put in a flexible working request to not do nights/do nights when you are at home? Bit late to be doing it now tho.

Alternatively can you explore having a career break/unpaid leave to buy you more time? Surely you won’t be much better off working by the time you have paid for accommodation and petrol?

No my job was literally across the road from where I lived. I moved to be with my current partner 3.5hrs away. I always planned to go back to work but now the times coming up I'm struggling to find a solution. My plan was to go part time drive in the morning do my shift stay at my mums do another shift drive back which will work when my partners works shift fall on late week/weekend. But I don't know how to do it when he's shifts fall in the week. I normally do 4days a week but obviously part time will be 2 or 3. Im struggling to find a new job here and I dont think my partner will be best pleased if I move out 😅 (he wont move or change his job as he loves his house/kids/and its a decent paid job)

I think you should move back to where your job is. My dh has a job which is two hours away and it’s just awful. It’s not sustainable believe me.

Im not sure if he can i can ask but I think he needs the shift allowance from nights. I pay my way here but I think he does struggle with his wages as it is without having a loss. I've still got some time before I go back I'm just stressing.
It's not too bad fuel wise tbh and I'll be staying with family at night so no expenses there. I'll have a look into unpaid leave but I really like having my own money to help with bills and anything the kids needs falls on me. I'll keep looking around this area for jobs in the mean time.

I'm going to be blunt but it was quite daft to move your whole life including your other child and away from your family support for this man who himself wouldn't make such a commitment and won't even discuss what he thinks the plan moving forward should be. He seems quite selfish.

One of you will have to make a sacrifice and I can sadly forsee you leaving your job and being hours from your family left to look after the children whilst his life goes on as it always has without any sacrifices made.

Yeah I know it'll be my job that gives just sad cause I feel like ive made alot of sacrifices already and I really enjoy my job.