Returning to work with a baby and school pick-up worries

[DreamySquid]

Returning back to work after baby, I'm struggling to ask for help I have a lo in school and a baby. My job entails a 3.5hr drive there (as I moved away on mat leave) so I can bring my baby with me as I have family to help while I'm at work but I'm struggling to find a solution for my other child at school my partner works and it'll be difficult to work my work around his work.(mines mon-friday) his are shift 4 on 4off falls different each week. So some days are fine as he'll be off to have him other times I'll have no one unless I ask his parents which I really don't like asking for help and I think its unfair on them as he isn't theres if thats makes sense. Basically how do I do this? Any advise? Any solutions? My plan is to get get a job this area but so far nothing is about.

Assuming that your mum can manage both kids at once, school holidays will be fine.

So, realistically you should be able to cover the week with your accrued holidays from maternity leave (you still earn holiday when you’re off). Perhaps with your partner taking a couple of days to cover one week.

Good luck with the job hunt, that bit will be key.

Your language is telling. I’ll do this, I’ll need help. You’re a family and although you say your partner is supportive it sounds like it’s only when it doesn’t put him out. Where’s his solutions, ideas etc?

No i don't travel 7hrs for work i haven't gone back yet and it wouldn't be travelling 7hrs a day. It'll be travelling for 3.5hrs doing 2 shifts overnight stay at my parents then coming back. I didn't once say my partners parents don't see him as their grandchild I said I don't like to ask as he isn't (thays a me problem and think its cheeky even if he was their grandchild) i hate asking anyone for anything i didn't say i can't rely on them. And no i have prioritised this man over my eldest cause they are living their best life here loves the school the area the house its so much better from where came from. And my job I was looking for solutions to work around childcare until I get transfered or don't have to pay omp back. Im not upset with how unavailable he is with his work i needed to find a solution to my childcare issue with his shifts and yes he could be abit more supportive on that side but no ones perfect last i checked.

They're baffling me aswell makes me wish I never posted tbh. Some very helpful suggestions but some are more at bashing me which I'm not sure why.
I will speak to him properly i think ive come up a solution anyway as one of the other posters commented and it works out i only need help every 6weeks for 2 weeks which I can take annual leave or if school holidays my mum have them. And I'll continue job hunting and speak to my manager how or if I can be transferred she's from Wales and was transferred to where I work so it might still be a possibility. I think I just overthink alot and make myself stress more.

Yeah she's bought up 5 of us she's more then happy to have 2 😅 love her ❤️.
Yes I should tbh and I'll see when he's holidays falls might be able to do it with no help.
Thank you so much really helped alot.
And thank you gonna need it in this area

Sit down and think and talk it out. If you do have to leave at I least it isn’t a job that’ll be fine in the future- the other thing is you could look for temping/ contract/ local care work to get money together at different times.

Have you looked at any local hospice organisations. ? Although not directly NHS they are often classed as arms length re terms and conditions and continuation of pension contributions. Worth a thought….
Agree with other posters.Current situation is untenable. Also considering petrol and childcare costs you won’t have any money to live on.

What’s cheaper - night nanny or paying back your mat leave?
This is madness.

This wasn’t very thought through! You’ve moved your older child away from their school and all your support network.

if you want to build a new life where your dp lives you’ll have to change jobs. There must be similar roles you could do such as in a care home/nursing home/home care. Then keep an eye out for hospital HCA work. You might just have to take the hit on extra mat pay.

You should be able to request upaid parental leave. Check the trusts policy but they should be able to let you apply for it. 18 weeks per child until 18th birthday (maximum 4 weeks per year per child). I think you can start this within the 3 months and it still counts as retuning to work but you would need to double check this with HR as might be different in your trust.
See link:
www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Have you considered hiring an au-pair if a nanny would be financially prohibitive?

Every so often there is atleast ONE sensible comment on threads like this.
i had the very same question….

If I was your partner's mum (my kids are only young, but might be in this situation one day!) I would be very happy to help, health/work permitting. If you're my DIL (whether married or not an actual in-law), you're my family, and I would want to help and get to know you and you family well. So just ask-I get it if they're working/ill, but otherwise it seems weird if they wouldn't help.

Honestly if your partner isn’t willing to support you, make any changes himself or even be partially helpful in brain storming a plan to sort this then it might be best that you move back home. Does your mum live close by to your work? Your partner can come visit on his 4 days off. You can be applying for jobs where your partner lives and move back once you’ve got one.
is your partner even offering to help cover paying back the maternity pay if you end up quitting? He doesn’t seem like someone you should be throwing yourself at their financial mercy by quitting your job for.

They do see us as family they're here every day pretty much having a chat a cuppa or something. I just really struggle asking for help. I know this is a me problem. Im sure they would take up the chance to help when ever they can think I just need to bite the bullet.

Not everything in life happens to plan down to a T 😅 but its literally 3months ive got to travel for after that I wont have to pay omp back. And it makes no difference what job i go into. Im looking for other jobs as we speak theres been very helpful suggestions and we've come up with a plan both me and my partner I sat him down lastnight and explained throughly how im stressing about returning and leaving my eldest. Im still job hunting and my eldest will be taken care of. Thank you for the suggestions with different jobs im more clear headed and open minded now about what to look for.

We spoke in depth lastnight about it and how its affecting me. We've come up with a plan with helpful suggestions made on aswell of how we'll work it. It's only for 3m then I can find/ go into another job without paying omp back. He's going to help me job hunt and has said if needs be we'll pay the omp together but we've come up with a plan so shouldn't have to do that. I wont be quitting my job without another job to go into. If I start applying now by the time my 3m is up all the checks and things you need to work in the care sector should be back and ready for me to give a date to finish and start new role. If I can't find a job in the care sector I'll be applying for any other job going. Worse come to worse I can work on his dads van to earn extra income.

No but i will do thank you for the suggestion. I know my job long term isn't visible i only need to do it until I don't have to pay omp back which is 3months. We've come up with a plan to get it sorted and he's actually helping now ive spoke in depth with how it was affecting me.

Hrft but i think you can extend your mat leave up to 5years with NHS before paying back, but ibvs its unpaid after 12m.

Next thing, look at hospitals closer than 3.5hrs away, call them up if neccessary, start closest and keep working out.

We have a big turnover of hcas, (18k staff so big hospital gtoup) make sure you look at similar job titles, like imaging assistants and outpatient clinic staff. Even if these roles aren't your ideal, they will keep you going till you can give up and not owe mat pay.

You would need nursery for baby though, do thats an extra cost. Is going to be tricky and no easy answer.