Was my daughter unreasonable putting up birthday decorations at her dad's house?

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Just after some advice and who is being unreasonable…

I have 2 daughters aged 18 and 14 with my ex husband-we were together 15 years and split 6 years ago.
Their dad kept the family home which we built 10 years ago and I moved out with the children.
3 years ago their dad moved his girlfriend into the home (now fiancée)-all fine and no problem
Neither of them sleep at their dads anymore but last week my 18 year old stayed at her dads to look after his dog while him and fiancée were away for two nights celebrating his birthday.
My 18 year old bought 3 ‘happy birthday’ banners, a ‘happy birthday’ balloon and a small cake. Thought she was doing a lovely thing now she’s got a job and spending her own money.
Her dads fiancée has hit the roof, texting her and myself saying that this was disrespectful by not letting her know that she was arranging something for her dad, telling my daughter that she was upset by not being kept in the loop because she lives there too.
Ive also received a load of messages off her-telling me that my daughter has disrespected her and has criticised my daughter for arranging something in the home where she now lives.
There was nothing arranged-she put up a few banners and a balloon for him to come home to.
All the dad has said to my daughter regarding his fiancées reaction is ‘you know what she’s like when she don’t know what’s going on’
I must add that there’s no bad feeling between myself and their dad-everything’s absolutely fine on that front.
I have a 4 year old with a new partner and we’re all very happy in our lives.
Is this a normal reaction for a woman to act when her finances daughter has put up a few decorations in what is her family home??
Granted, she doesn’t sleep there anymore, but both my daughters still have their own bedrooms at the house with some of their belongings.

Reply to this loon saying for all your Daughters don't live there it's still their home as it's where their Dad lives & therefore it's a second home for them. They've done something nice for their Dads Birthday which has nothing to do with her therefore she wasn't notified. They've not damaged anything & don't need to run anything they chose to do past her for approval. She was happy for your DD to stay there to look after the dog so obvs trusts her. She's over reacted so just let her know that & & tell her to suck it up & move on.

Your daughter has been in your ExH life, a lot longer than his fiancé...how dare she try to make it about her and her feelings. It was a surprise for her Dad, nothing to do with the Fiancé - definitely she's jealous that she didn't think to put up the banners etc. Pathetic woman

Sounds to me that the woman was taking the opportunity to have a go at you and put you in your place too OP.
How dare she lecture you like that! It's very aggressive behaviour, she's clearly not a bridge building type is she?
She's probably a bit crazed and imagined that you put your DD up to it because you are jealous of her relationship with the Ex and desperate to show her up. LOL. Insecure much?

Your Ex has really let DD down.

Thank you so much to you all for your replies-I honestly didn’t expect to get so many and I’m grateful to have so many opinions.
I thought she was the one being unreasonable so I’m glad to see that so many of you all thought the same.

Just to update-my girls are yet to have a message off their dad asking them which night is best for them to go over for their tea (usually they have a message on a Sunday/Monday and go over for tea on a Tuesday/Wednesday.
As it’s Wednesday now I can’t see that they’ll be asked over this week…
It looks like this is going to drag out a bit longer but I will constantly be reminding my 18 year old that she is definitely not in the wrong.
It’s a shame their dad’s stubbornness in contacting them appears like he’s fully supporting his fiancée having an issue with the banners and balloons 😳

If I was the DD I’d message my dad and invite myself round just to piss of the gf

So your ex is one of those who opts for an easy life and doesn't want to rock the boat, he needs to grow a pair and put his children first.

Was Ex as pathetic when you were with him or does the new Mrs have him whipped?

I cannot stand men who simp for their other halves for a 'peaceful life' at the expense of their kids.

as you get in ok, I'd invite him around to yours for dinner (or get the girls to) let the stupid bitch have a shit fit about that!

She sounds like a psycho. Your poor DD - you should all be disengaging with this woman for good and your ex should be standing up for his DD, he sounds like a cretin.

OP just read your update and I don’t think you’re taking this seriously enough - this could really have an effect on your DD and you seem to be minimising it “oh he hasn’t asked them round for tea this week, this is going to drag out” you need to put your kids first and limit contact with this woman and your useless ex.

And in ten years he will be "blindsided" when your DD wants you to escort her down the aisle and not him.......

She’s round the bend and he’s a wet wipe for not standing on for his daughter.

I agree.

I think I'd be messaging him asking why he hasn't invited his daughters round for tea this week, but just left them wondering. If he doesn't want them to come, he should say so and why.

Oh and I don't think he'll be getting any birthday recognition in future from any of you.

Limit contact?? her daughter is 18 years old, not 18 months!!

I suspect she means the OP's contact with her ex and the girlfriend, given that the daughter can arrange any contact she wants herself.

That said, by behaving as she has, I cant help wondering whether Step Mommy Dearest will get what she wants, which is him all to herself. OP's DD will quite probably start avoiding her father, and he will let that happen because he is a spineless arsehole who is more interested in getting his leg over keeping his GF happy than having a good relationship with his daughters.

I’d happily put up decorations in the house without telling husband. I’d also move furniture etc. Id also happily put up decorations in my mums house where I’ve not stayed for 20 years and she lives with her ‘new’ partner. I don’t think it’s about mutual respect…I think the step mum expects your daughter to behave like a guest. She is not and should not apologise for that. I will never be a guest in my parents homes.

Nope, that’s not a normal reaction at all. Sounds a right bitch frankly.