Was my daughter unreasonable putting up birthday decorations at her dad's house?

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Just after some advice and who is being unreasonable…

I have 2 daughters aged 18 and 14 with my ex husband-we were together 15 years and split 6 years ago.
Their dad kept the family home which we built 10 years ago and I moved out with the children.
3 years ago their dad moved his girlfriend into the home (now fiancée)-all fine and no problem
Neither of them sleep at their dads anymore but last week my 18 year old stayed at her dads to look after his dog while him and fiancée were away for two nights celebrating his birthday.
My 18 year old bought 3 ‘happy birthday’ banners, a ‘happy birthday’ balloon and a small cake. Thought she was doing a lovely thing now she’s got a job and spending her own money.
Her dads fiancée has hit the roof, texting her and myself saying that this was disrespectful by not letting her know that she was arranging something for her dad, telling my daughter that she was upset by not being kept in the loop because she lives there too.
Ive also received a load of messages off her-telling me that my daughter has disrespected her and has criticised my daughter for arranging something in the home where she now lives.
There was nothing arranged-she put up a few banners and a balloon for him to come home to.
All the dad has said to my daughter regarding his fiancées reaction is ‘you know what she’s like when she don’t know what’s going on’
I must add that there’s no bad feeling between myself and their dad-everything’s absolutely fine on that front.
I have a 4 year old with a new partner and we’re all very happy in our lives.
Is this a normal reaction for a woman to act when her finances daughter has put up a few decorations in what is her family home??
Granted, she doesn’t sleep there anymore, but both my daughters still have their own bedrooms at the house with some of their belongings.

I find that anyone who talks about being disrespected is usually quite thick.

id be saying x, you need to look within yourself and work out why this bothers you so much as it’s obvious it’s not about the balloon.

Really bizarre reaction that has obviously triggered something in her. I assume your DD was staying over there to look after the dog, so it’s not like she doesn’t mind people coming over and potentially moving things around while she’s not there. Maybe she is embarassed she didn’t make much effort so is taking it out on your DD about three banners. I think it’s a lovely thing to do and a reasonable person would appreciate the effort made and the bond your DD and her dad have

Your daughter didn't need permission from her fathers girlfriend to put up some removable Happy Birthday banners in the house she grew up in with her father and one she still has a room to use in.
The girlfriend is overstepping, no one needs to apologise to such a histronic personality.

She’s a bitch! Any normal person would think how lovely.

Bet she didn’t mind your daughter watching the dog though!

Your ex should have stood up for his daughter, what a wet wipe

The over-reaction from the girlfriend is horrible, also strange. I think in this situation anyone would surely welcome someone's DC putting up a few decorations for their parent's birthday. Very weird from here.

Absolutely not making excuses for her - but did she get the wrong end of the stick and think there was a party arranged in the house or something? Honestly it's the only thing I can think of which would get a strong reaction. She may feel bad if she thought people were turning up and she didn't have chance to clean/prepare.

She is totally out of order. I hope your daughter tells her dad to bugger off and not to bother getting in touch until he has got rid of the pathetic woman.

The dad should have stuck up for his daughter. What a looser. Sounds like him and his new girlfriend are well suited.

I’d guess she doesn’t feel it’s her home whether that’s rational or not is something else, basically it probably reminded her that she has no part of the house’s history in terms of celebrations etc and she wrongly took it out on your daughter. I feel for her a little tbh

She sounds unhinged!

What an absolute melt!

If I was DD I’d be telling her to stop being so pathetic and a control freak.
I’d also be ensuring that I regularly do things like this in future.

What thanks for looking after their dog so they can go away!

Woman sounds very insecure. Your daughter did nothing wrong at all. The house is her father’s house after all. And she is his daughter.

The same kind of woman that comes on here complaining that her new DH has a 'weird' relationship with their daughter.
Your DD did a lovely thing. The new gf sounds jealous, your ex-h needs to grow a backbone and not accept his GF treating his DD that way.

The only way to respond is to ignore the fiancee.

"Dear Ex. I'm disappointed that your fiancee has reacted this way to daughter's well-intentioned gesture to celebrate your birthday. It was a heartfelt message from daughter to father and was certainly not meant to disrespect your fiancee. I'm also disappointed that you have minimised fiancee's tantrum over this to our daughter rather than considering daughter's feelings. I have had to block fiancee because of the volume of messages she has been sending me - all over our daughter wanting to celebrate her dad's birthday. This is not the way I expected things would be, I hoped that you and DD and your fiancee could have a good relationship. I have no desire for any further involvement in your business and I don't expect your fiancee has any need to message me again."

My XH has a wife like this. She would react exactly the same, banging on about “disrespect”

My adult DC have lost all respect for their father and never visit his home. I think the last time was five or six years ago. They feel so unwelcome.

Keep her blocked and hopefully DD won’t bother looking after the dog next time.

What a horrible woman. And I don’t think much of your ex either for not pulling her up on it. Clear to see where his daughters fit in his priorities. Poor things. As many posters said I would reassure your daughter it was a nice gesture and the girlfriend is mental. If I were the girls I think I would ask to meet my father alone and out the house going forwards but I guess that is up to them. One thing though, this was done by an 18yo. To the girlfriend directly I would respond ‘DD is an adult and if you wish to discuss anything with her please do so directly. This is none of my concern. If you wish to hold parents accountable for an adult’s behaviour you have ready access to her father.’ What the hell is she dragging you into it for?

Total over reaction, your DD hadn’t spray painted happy birthday over the house, she sounds deranged 😳

She is BU. Is your ex a bit scared of her?

Completely and totally batshit crazy. Hell, i'd do that for a random friend if it was her birthday and I'd been round her house looking after the dog.

The fiance sounds like she's inserucre about whatever effort or lack thereof she put into your ex's birthday. Maybe he said something like how much he loves it and he wishes she'd thought about it. Either way, she's an idiot. Your DD should just roll her eyes and move on.

I wonder if she felt a bit embarrassed that she hadn’t been involved in planning? Maybe she thought she had a better relationship with your daughter and she was a bit hurt?

Your ex is a dick and his fiancée sounds insecure and jealous of your DD and their relationship.

I'd 'communicate' to her she better apologise to my daughter, who was just doing something nice for her dad, and if she speaks to her or me like that again, I'll wipe the fucking floor with her. Nasty bitch.

Your poor daughter. She did something kind and thoughtful.

The gf is a horrible control freak and your ex is a shit dad for not sticking up for his daughter.

That's is not normal and her dad needs to make his new partner aware this shouldn't be happening under any circumstances!
He is her dad that is her family home so she can actually do what she wants in all honesty and what a lovely thing to do !!
I would be careful thou my dad ignored me for 7 years when his new partner said I wasn't allowed in her house anymore it wasn't her house it was my old family home ! My dad went along with it for a quiet life .
She is now in a home (dementia ) and we are slowly trying to heal but I'll be honest the hurt is there it will never go away and I look at my dad in a new light now he isn't my hero he is a coward who put his friend before his daughter !

It's a complete overreaction from the fiancee and your ex should be speaking up for his DD. She has put up a few decorations, in her dad's house, where she would presumably be welcome to live if she wanted to. Yes, it's the fiancee's home but also your DDs'.

You ex obviously knows he's marrying a nut job. He's going need all the luck he can get with her. She sounds like a potential bunny boiler.

Of course your DD hasn't done anything wrong.

I really think you need to speak to ex a bit more strongly about this. I'm afraid the 'You know what she's like..' argument doesn't cut it when the situation is his partner sending aggressive texts to his child!

What his GF needs to be told, by ex-H or by you if he cannot find his spine, is that his children have every right to celebrate their father's bday in any way they see fit and that the house the GF now lives in was the children's family home for longer than she's been around so they have no reason to check in with her when leaving a little surprise for their dad and ESPECIALLY when they had been asked to be there to feed the bloody dog!

She sounds like a right twat, OP.

I would suggest slapping her down a peg or two now or next time she's likely to overstep even more.