Was my daughter unreasonable putting up birthday decorations at her dad's house?

[AvidOpalViewer]

Just after some advice and who is being unreasonable…

I have 2 daughters aged 18 and 14 with my ex husband-we were together 15 years and split 6 years ago.
Their dad kept the family home which we built 10 years ago and I moved out with the children.
3 years ago their dad moved his girlfriend into the home (now fiancée)-all fine and no problem
Neither of them sleep at their dads anymore but last week my 18 year old stayed at her dads to look after his dog while him and fiancée were away for two nights celebrating his birthday.
My 18 year old bought 3 ‘happy birthday’ banners, a ‘happy birthday’ balloon and a small cake. Thought she was doing a lovely thing now she’s got a job and spending her own money.
Her dads fiancée has hit the roof, texting her and myself saying that this was disrespectful by not letting her know that she was arranging something for her dad, telling my daughter that she was upset by not being kept in the loop because she lives there too.
Ive also received a load of messages off her-telling me that my daughter has disrespected her and has criticised my daughter for arranging something in the home where she now lives.
There was nothing arranged-she put up a few banners and a balloon for him to come home to.
All the dad has said to my daughter regarding his fiancées reaction is ‘you know what she’s like when she don’t know what’s going on’
I must add that there’s no bad feeling between myself and their dad-everything’s absolutely fine on that front.
I have a 4 year old with a new partner and we’re all very happy in our lives.
Is this a normal reaction for a woman to act when her finances daughter has put up a few decorations in what is her family home??
Granted, she doesn’t sleep there anymore, but both my daughters still have their own bedrooms at the house with some of their belongings.

Oh you are good! I like that!

There's always next year!!!

Your daughter tried to do a lovely thing and his partner has ruined it. What a horrible piece of work she is. Your DD was being lovely and are prob hasn’t had the opportunity to do something for her dad for years!

Absolute bunny boiler behaviour.

A nice person would be praising her for being so thoughtful and saying how lovely for your dad to come home to this! I’d not want my daughters to have much to do with her.

This sounds like something my former step mum would have done. I wouldn't have quite believed it either, but she was oddly jealous of me (and anyone from my dad's previously life).

The marriage has since ended.

ETA: It put a strain on mine and my dad's relationship while they were together. I found it difficult to talk to my mum about this as she couldn't get past my step mum being the OW (understandable but I felt very alone). It sounds like you are doing all the right things for your daughter ❤️

What the fuck. I hope your DD clapped back at this fucking nutter.

Worst case scenario I could imagine is maybe the banners were put up with tape or blue tac and they maybe messed up some paint? But even that wouldn’t warrant this. That’s the only reason I could imagine being mad about it.. but that wouldn’t cause this?

You’re a better woman than me OP I would have given her more than a sharp response.

The fiancee is nuts, hopefully she will be the ex soon.

Your ex needs to come to his daughter's defence here.

It sounds like the fiancée felt bad that it showed her up for not putting in the same effort? Pathetic!

She sounds fucking mental, your poor dd did a lovely thing.

That's not normal. I think his fiancée needs reminding that his children comes first. She seems jealous of his children. All children like to suprise their parents for their birthday. I hope her father realises how unhinged this woman is. Not everything is about her.

Keep her blocked. I would probably message ex about it just to say that I’m disappointed that he’s not stepped in and stood up for his child.

He sounds like a cowardly man that’s about to find himself married to a psycho that wants to cause a rift with his children.

So the ex's gf freaks out but it's the ex that at fault? 😅

Fucking freak. I mean wow, the woman is clearly very jealous and insecure. But instead of thinking to herself ‘oh, I wish I had thought to do that’, she’s taking it out on a teenage girl!
Your daughter did a truly lovely thing. The only justification would be if the dog got hold of the cake and became really ill!
It’s great that you get on with your ex, though I’m not sure he deserves it. I can’t believe he let you and his children move out of the family home while he stayed in it. What kind of man does that?!

Future step mum obviously feels excluded which says more about her insecurity than your daughtere's relationship with her Dad! FHS a few banners and a small cake isn't exactly a 'party' is it?!

Send an email to your ex stating that you are disappointed that he hasn’t been more supportive of his daughter who was just trying to do something nice, that it’s a complete overreaction. Explain you have have blocked his fiancée due to the deluge of messages and that you strongly advise he apologises to his daughter and for the foreseeable future arrangements are made to see his daughters without the fiancée. Also say to him if he wants to talk that’s ok (it could be he needs to extract himself from this relationship!)

What a bitch.

A teenager does something nice and it is shoved back in her face by someone it wasn't intended for.

Batshite crazy!

Your Ex's new partner is batshit and a nasty person too. If their dad is choosing such an unpleasant person over his daughters then your two eldest will need emotional support to deal with that. The impulse to do something so lovely for her dad is a classic and totally understandable indication of a young woman who is feeling a lack of real emotional connection from her dad and is trying to show hom how much she loves him. His new partner's reaction is frankly jealousy, she doesn't want her man bestowing his affection anywhere else, not even to his kids. He has chosen his sex life over his children and is a shit dad. You need to help them to deal with that without internalising it - without mature help and support the children could take serious damage to their self-esteme and emotional landscape and be set up for a lifetime of getting into relationships with bastards who treat them like shit because that's the dynamic they expect.

If you have a good ongoing relationship with your ex, i think you should ring him and make sure he’s okay! Seems like he’s got himself engaged to a very tricky woman. Tell your DD to take no notice of her.

I would just tell your dd that she has done nothing wrong at all, and that it's a bizarre reaction from her dad's fiancee, and that youd hope her dad would stick up for her, as it's really not fair.

Is she the reason the youngest one doesn’t stay over there anymore?

I think I’d be tempted to text back ‘what a ridiculous woman you are! And leave it at that.

Christ some people need a well aimed kick up the arse.
Its a few balloons and a banner. Jesus wept

Pretty obvious imho!!