Would you leave Thursday evening or Friday lunchtime for a family trip?

[Slumberqueeen]

So myself and my husband can’t seem to agree on anything at the moment, parenting styles etc. The latest which may seen trivial is just wearing me down. We can’t agree when to leave for a long weekend trip with our 4 year old. It’s a 2.5 hour trip by car. We’d be there till the Monday afternoon. It’s at my parents holiday home. They are away so the water is turned off, no food supplies etc there.

I think that leaving at lunchtime on the Friday would suit best. DS will be in creche that morning so I can finish packing and loading up the car. DH will be working. Ds will get fed his lunch there and then we can leave. We could either bring supplies or stop nearby to get what we needed as shops would be open. DH would prefer to leave the evening before (Thursday) about 7.30pm so as not to waste the afternoon on Friday driving down.

However this creates more work for me. DS would fall asleep in the car but will wake on arrival. He should go back to sleep easily enough but I’d have to get his room ready, dress the bed, put up black out blind etc. We’d also have to unload the car then late at night ahead of the next day and probably be in bed later than usual and then up with DH the next morning as my husband will be working.

What do you think is best/fairest on everyone? thanks

Too tired from a 2.5 hour drive to help unpack?! Your DH sounds a bit useless, but he's right that it would be better to leave on the Thursday night.

I'd always opt for an extra night, your nonsense about putting up a blackout blind and making a bed, we go camping for the weekend with 3 young children and mansge to set up a tent, beds, unpack a car, cook an evening meal, leaving after school with a 2 hour drive. You literally need to put a sheet on a bed, pin up a blind and carry 2 cases out the car. I can't understand why this is so difficult?

This. Friday traffic is dire.

Nothing better than waking at your destination on a Friday morning after a good night’s sleep. Thursday evening all the way

DH sounds useless all round.

Thursday evening here too! Except I also do the packing, the mental load and the driving, it really is a no brainer.

Our DD is 5 now, and we go on holidays with 2-3 hour drives at least 3-4 times a year.. I find the first day is always a bit of a write off to be honest, it's tiring, long drive, packing and unpacking when you get there etc, kiddo unsettled on the first night there usually, I don't always sleep the best the first night, it's worse if you have to go after work, and we also have dogs that we take with us, so I am a HUGE fan of getting all that done in one day, even if it means a long day and getting there late.. you can then wake up on Friday and you and kiddo can go out exploring while your husband works, your holiday starts there!

if you do it your way your, and fought through Friday afternoon traffic, your holiday will not start until Saturday morning, by Monday morning you'll be packing back up again! It genuinely is a waste of a complete day to not go on the Thursday.

Make a list of everything you need to pack and start collecting it all together 2-3 days before you are due to go.. for 3 days I'd be taking everything with us food/drink wise, I refuse to shop on holiday unless absolutely necessary! We also use plastic boxes that can be carried inside and unpacked later, Most of the car would be packed ready to go the day before, but you really don't need that much for 3 days. You're definitely overthinking it.

Why does all the packing, unpacking and shopping fall upon you? If my DH was adamant that he wanted to leave on Thursday evening and we were both scheduled to work that day I would expect him to take the afternoon off to get packed and prepared. If he's not willing to do that then he needs to go with your plan and leave at lunchtime on Friday. Don't continue to make yourself the only person who can pack and prepare for a family trip - it's a form of martyrdom!

Can't dh take Friday off at work

I was team DH until you said he wont pack or unpack, is working Friday morn and wont look after his own child on Friday afternoon.

Go Friday so that you arrive feeling refreshed.

The overthinking is strong here.

It is always going to be better to have an extra day away I think, and to avoid travelling on a Friday. But the weirdness about packing and food shopping and driving will get neither of you anywhere.

Just pack a few bits including grocery essentials in the days leading up to the trip, shove it t all in the car and head off. Book a food delivery for when you arrive.

You need to not make mountains out of molehills and your dh needs to pitch in and not be dramatic about 2.5 hours driving. He can still carry a bloody bag ffs.

Just readings this - pack with/ no dc, bring/shop for supplies, expect when ds will fall asleep, think about the place/ water/ temp/ bedsheets when you get there, expect ds to be grouchy after interrupting sleep,…- that is what they mean about mums and the ‘mental load’, isn’t it? All these algorithms going through your head and making sure you’re prepared for all possibilities.

And dads - go early and get an extra afternoon at holiday place. The end. (Wifey will take care of the rest).

Go Thursday on the condition your useless DH pulls his weight. You can DS can go out for a wander and breakfast while DH works, home for lunch or a picnic and nice afternoon out.
Get an online shop with nice snacks and easy food. Eat out if you can.
Get your husband to sort himself out. Too tired after a 2-3 hour drive is just wet!

Yesss this sums up exactly how I feel and thank you for understanding and completely getting it.

Obviously my comment about sharing the load for Thursday evening was before I saw what a lazy arse he is! I would laugh in his face! He clicks his fingers and expects you to do all the work. Twat. Either he does 50% both ends and you go Thursday or if you are doing everything then you get to call the shots about when you leave. Going forward, he needs to step up. And remember it’s your break as well.

I say LTB and go and enjoy your weekend with your LO without him! It doesn't sound like him coming makes things in any way easier for you. Make sure there's nothing left in the fridge for him to eat whilst you are away too.

7pm Thursday

We go away regular to a holiday home
with a 3 year old and 10 month old and will always drive at night so leave at their bedtime and the sleep on the way. yes transfer and settle takes time when we get there but we then wake up on holiday.

your husband won’t unpack the car because he’s tired from the 2.5hr drive?!? That’s ridiculous I’m sorry. After a 4.5hr drive we unpack the car, set up fires, make beds if needed etc…

I don’t normally always agree on mumsnet but I think the problem her is your husband!!

regardless it doesn’t really matter what anyone thinks is the best time to go, as all that matters is what works for you and your family. It sounds like you’re thinking of yourself and your children, and your husband is just thinking of himself…

Whenever you go just order a ‘Collect by Car’ from the nearest supermarket to your holiday cottage.

Wow.. this sounds like a lot of "I don't want to parent DS on my own"

Why can't you & DH pack in advance? Clothes and dry snacks can be packed days in advance and just throw in toiletries / fresh snacks before ye leave.

You can bring alot of groceries with you / you & DS could pop out for breakfast on the Friday morning & do a fresh shop for milk or anything fridge / freezer you might need? It'd pass an hour or two.

How hard is it to make the child a sandwich or a small bowl of pasta? You'll be having lunch yourself so again I don't see the difficulty here in feeding your own child.

You sound like you just wouldn't enjoy 1 on 1 time with your DC for half a day? Is that the real issue?

I agree I don't see the big issue
It sounds as though OP's husband isn't a great help which is annoying and wrong but not uncommon and I wouldn't let that result in having one less day on holiday.
Also how much packing /unpacking will there be for 3 nights? How hard is it to take a box on food essentials into the car or to make breakfast/lunch for one person and a 4 year old.
I could maybe understand it if there was more than one child but I always did it with two children.
It sounds as though OP wants to spend a day less on the short break. I wonder if there is more going on?

I can see pros and cons for both but your DH can’t help sort the holiday home out because he’s driven for two and a half hours? What a wet lettuce!

Agree with your dh then you will get set up on arrival and have the full weekend when you wake up Friday to enjoy the break.

It feels like this is being made into a huge deal when it’s really not - with kindness, are you maybe sticking to your guns on this one because you and DH aren’t getting on?

Packing for a couple of days away isn’t a drama - I’ve done the same myself recently for four of us and it took me half an hour.

spending the morning with your child on Friday morning would be nice I would have thought and I wouldn’t be saying I needed a break in the afternoon as an exchange either.

Yeah I agree the DH needs to do more but that's a very simple conversation to have (assuming no other issues).

"DH, if we are leaving Thursday, you need to have your bag packed Wednesday evening and you need to look after DC for 20 minutes after work so I can gather the perishables quickly."

It takes one parent less than 5 minutes to make a bed and put up a travel blind.

I'm unsure why there's a hullabaloo about looking after the child on the Friday.