Teen hates me going out without him

[RainyRainyRain]

Has anyone experienced this? I have a teen who doesn’t have any friends (well he says he does but he never ever meets them outside of school) so every half term on holiday he spends at home, he comes out with me if I initiate a day out or take my youngest out but this is occasionally as otherwise he doesn’t like coming, the trouble is if he doesn’t want to go out he doesnt like it if I go out. He gets angry at me and stops talking to me if I go out without him but thats even if I have offered to take him out and he refuses. He is on day 3 of giving me the silent treatment because I went out without him the other day. Has anyone ever experienced this I’ve never heard of this before?! Most teens would love it if their mum went out and they got the house to themselves and she brought food home for them. (I touched on this in another thread I made but want to concentrate more on the fact he has been giving me the silent treatment for 3 days) please no judgement on my parenting i dont know why he is like this and dont know what has caused it

How old is he.

My DS15 doesn’t like when I go out without him. He is autistic, doesn’t socialise and has anxiety so is very reliant on me. He would not give me the silent treatment though. It’s very hard but I continuously talk to him about it and how I need to see my friends etc and he has come around a bit. Not much advice I’m afraid but I do understand.

How old is he? Sounds rather controlling, if mine acted like this I would tell him he’s coming with me like it or not.

wasn't there a thread just like this the other day?

No this isn't healthy your son has issues. Get him a shrink.

It says at the end I have posted this on my other thread but wanted more advice about this in particular… as he still isn’t talking to me

Hes 13. You would force a 13 year old out? Most 13 year olds dont hang out with their mums anymore so I feel weird forcing him out (weve seen school children from his school when out and none of them have ever been with their mums) i dont mind if he doesn’t want to come with me it’s the not talking to me if I do go out. Also dont want to force him out as he argues with my youngest and makes the day unpleasant

13 is still quite young. You need to be firmer with him - he either comes or he stays home alone his choice- but any rudeness if you go without him has consequences, no phone/pocket money etc.

I would also let him choose some activities he wants to do so he doesn’t feel like it’s all about his younger siblings.
My eldest DD is almost 15 and yes she does still “hang out” with me and her Dad (not all the time but generally we enjoy eachother’s company)

He is offered things all the time, he doesn’t want to go anywhere so I have to make suggestions, I said during the holidays everyone can decide on a place they want to go, would he suggest anywhere no, because he doesn’t want to go out, he said he would “go last” but I need to know so I can plan what day it would be on but he refused to say anywhere

I guess I assumed kids his age dont hang out much with their parents anymore as thats what people say to me and say their kids dont want anything to do with them anymore (obviously not literally) and when we see kids from his school none of them have ever been with their mum so don’t know if someone’s said something to him. Maybe once in a while but as I said he doesn’t leave the house, he claims to have friends in school but he never meets any of them so if I go out which is most days he either comes with me or doesn’t want me to go and gets mad at me for going

The silent treatment is controlling and abusing behaviour coming out. I hope you’ve made it clear it not an acceptable way to behave.

I would carry on as normal. Go in and out and tell him where you’re going. He’ll have to start speaking to you when he wants some dinner!

My DC who has a diagnosis of AuDHD also gets anxious if I go out. It has improved as they’ve got a bit older.

Whether he’s NT or not though you need to tell him that using the silent treatment is abusive. You’ve asked him to come, he’s chosen not to and he should not be punishing his family for going out without him.

My 13yo had separation anxiety until age 11ish. He still would hate a sleepover, though likes friends staying at our house. And he still definitely feels safest and happiest in my company. Which is fine by me! My DS is fine if I go out, but not particularly keen on being home alone.

do you think your DS has anxiety?

Must do if he hates me going out though won’t admit to it so not sure what I can do

You are raising someone who is going to be an abusive controlling partner if you don’t parent up very sharpish

Just crack on with your plans. Obviously

He is on day 3 of giving me the silent treatment because I went out without him the other day

wtf? So you have been talking to your son and he hasn’t responded? You’ve been cooking for him etc in these three days and he’s just been ignoring you?

I am speechless

I force my 15 year old out sometimes, I must be a terrible mother.

Not sure what you want the answer to be but you need to knock this behaviour on the head, ask him why he does it or he’s going to grow into a not very nice adult.

I never said you were a terrible mother? I said I’d feel bad forcing a teen to come out that doesn’t want to not the same as a 5 year old is it and he’d make the day miserable with his grumpy face

Whats his reasoning for not wanting you to go out or not liking it

And if he says he doesnt not like it and is ok with it, whats his reason for the sulking

And if he says that he isnt sulking, whats his reason and explanation for his presentation to you which is akin to controlling silent treatment and unpleasant and bullying

And if he says its not 'silent treatment' how does he explain it only comes on when you have gone out and he hasnt gone with you

Go round in circles with him until you pin down how he can explain all this, it will enable him to think about how and what he feels and hopefully be able then to work through it

Hello? Are you ok, of course I talk to him, hes ignoring me

Stop with your judgement I specifically asked for no judgement

Are you ok? Reread my posts.

This 13 year old is giving his
parent the silent treatment for 3 DAYS! So rude as to be off the scale.

So… you serve up food to him and… what, he just takes it without a word?

You are being abused in your own home by a 13 year old.

You can't pander to this, go out and do things. He needs to learn that controlling behaviour and silent treatment is not acceptable.

Op, maybe you cannot see the wood for the trees.

Let's take the edge out of the replies, mine had it too.

Are you a single mother? Or is your ds' s father living with you?