Teen hates me going out without him

[RainyRainyRain]

Has anyone experienced this? I have a teen who doesn’t have any friends (well he says he does but he never ever meets them outside of school) so every half term on holiday he spends at home, he comes out with me if I initiate a day out or take my youngest out but this is occasionally as otherwise he doesn’t like coming, the trouble is if he doesn’t want to go out he doesnt like it if I go out. He gets angry at me and stops talking to me if I go out without him but thats even if I have offered to take him out and he refuses. He is on day 3 of giving me the silent treatment because I went out without him the other day. Has anyone ever experienced this I’ve never heard of this before?! Most teens would love it if their mum went out and they got the house to themselves and she brought food home for them. (I touched on this in another thread I made but want to concentrate more on the fact he has been giving me the silent treatment for 3 days) please no judgement on my parenting i dont know why he is like this and dont know what has caused it

I don’t pander to him i have been out since that day that started it off. I am a single parent.

What are the consequences for him giving you the silent treatment?

What reason has he given for not wanting you to go out?

I’m sorry if mine came over as judgemental. I didn’t mean it that way but looking back I can see that I might have written it better.

You do have my sympathy OP. My DC2 also got very anxious so you do have my sympathy.

Is his Dad around at all or do you have a relative he can go and stay with for a day or two, just to give you a break and him some time away to cool down?

I think he is likely to deny that he doesnt like OP going ou

He'll probably shrug sulkily and deny it

He may not even realise what he feels and thats why OP needs circular questioning

Yes he does not admit he doesn’t like it, I suspect he is worried about missing something when I’m out as I have a younger child so hes worried she will get something he does even though I offer to bring him things back. He does not see his father.

He goes out or he doesn't, his choice, but rudeness should lead to loss of privileges.

Likewise ignoring you in your own home - go on strike!

Consequences?

Honestly my 13 year old would not be allowed to behave like that. I'd tell my 13 year old that he can stay in his room until he is ready to behave appropriately. Bit sulky comes with the territory but absolute ignoring would not wash with me.

I’ve taken his phone away but then hed sleep all day, which I’d rather not have tbh

Hes gladly stayed in his room

So, there are no consequences?

What consequences would you like me to give him? The consequences are me going out if I want without being forced to stay in and im not listening to him telling me I have to stay in. Im not taking devices as he sleeps all day if I do as I’ve already explained.

So worried a much younger sibling will get something he doesn’t?
so the answer is he wants the something? He goes!
is the issue younger sib is female? So he thinks he as male should be pandered to?

Take away any monetary allowance he might have.

He doesn’t get pocket money, he doesn’t go out to spend it!

Some kids that age do hang out with their parents, it’s fine if he’s more attached to you than some other kids. But the silent treatment is controlling and you need to try and talk to him about that. It’s actually a bit abusive. You don’t want him to think it’s ok to treat people like that and potentially behave like that in an adult relationship.

And this, also any privileges he has. I know many on mn will be horrified at this, but honestly the amount of posters who let one child rule the home, and sod the rest of the dc is horrendous.
tipping point for me was a poster who was allowing a 19 yo dd to dictate who else in the family could eat at home, and where and when to the extent one dd was not allowed to eat with the family as special dd had decided so.
also the rest of the family couldn’t watch anything on tv if she wasn’t there, so if she was out with friends no tv for anyone!

I don’t mind if he wants to hang out with me, I’d love it if he did, my point was he doesn’t, if he did we wouldn’t have this problem. He doesn’t want to come out anywhere with me, he was offered a trampoline park and food on Friday but he didn’t want to come then got mad because I went out. He obviously doesnt want to hang out with me 🤷‍♀️

I want to take my daughter to fun places and im not allowed if he doesn’t want to come so he doesn’t want to hang out with me and his sister.

@RainyRainyRain So basically he doesn’t want you to be able to do anything nice?

Agreed

and this is on another level. He hasn’t spoken to the op in 3 days because he’s so angry. He’s 13. Now imagine him behaving like this at 30 years old to a girlfriend

I think I’d be worried as to why he doesn’t have friends at this age … or why he never meets them out of school. It does sound like something else is going on for him -as to what’s really behind this behaviour… are there any concerns at school?

Yes exactly. He needs to be in therapy and severely punished as his behaviour is atrocious.

Gosh, how controlling of him. So you’re not allowed to go out basically?!

I have a 13 yo son and a 10 yo daughter. He comes out with me if I say he is eg walk, family day. If I’m doing something I know he wouldn’t be into, eg more for my younger one, he stays at home if he wants to. He wouldn’t ever demand I stay at home. If he did, I would completely ignore it and if he spoke to me like shit, I’d take away all electronic devices, WiFi etc.

Probably because if he behaves as nastily to peers as he does to his own mother… no one wants to be friends with him