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Original poster

Teen hates me going out without him

86 replies

RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 15:31

Has anyone experienced this? I have a teen who doesn’t have any friends (well he says he does but he never ever meets them outside of school) so every half term on holiday he spends at home, he comes out with me if I initiate a day out or take my youngest out but this is occasionally as otherwise he doesn’t like coming, the trouble is if he doesn’t want to go out he doesnt like it if I go out. He gets angry at me and stops talking to me if I go out without him but thats even if I have offered to take him out and he refuses. He is on day 3 of giving me the silent treatment because I went out without him the other day. Has anyone ever experienced this I’ve never heard of this before?! Most teens would love it if their mum went out and they got the house to themselves and she brought food home for them. (I touched on this in another thread I made but want to concentrate more on the fact he has been giving me the silent treatment for 3 days) please no judgement on my parenting i dont know why he is like this and dont know what has caused it

OP posts:
LizandDerekGoals · 06/04/2026 19:37

RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 19:29

I want to take my daughter to fun places and im not allowed if he doesn’t want to come so he doesn’t want to hang out with me and his sister.

Who gives a shit! Not allowed? This is controlling behaviour. You need help as this boy is going to be a danger if he continues down this path.

take your daughter out. Ffs.

LizandDerekGoals · 06/04/2026 19:38

RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 19:18

What consequences would you like me to give him? The consequences are me going out if I want without being forced to stay in and im not listening to him telling me I have to stay in. Im not taking devices as he sleeps all day if I do as I’ve already explained.

Then get him out of bed?!?! Do you seriously have no control at all over a 13 year old?

PoppinjayPolly · 06/04/2026 19:38

Cushionsplease · 06/04/2026 19:30

Agreed

and this is on another level. He hasn’t spoken to the op in 3 days because he’s so angry. He’s 13. Now imagine him behaving like this at 30 years old to a girlfriend

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Well especially when he would expect her to continue to pander to him and continue to cook for him!

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Cushionsplease · 06/04/2026 19:40

PoppinjayPolly · 06/04/2026 19:38

Well especially when he would expect her to continue to pander to him and continue to cook for him!

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He actually sounds quite terrifying

Original poster
RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 19:43

LizandDerekGoals · 06/04/2026 19:37

Who gives a shit! Not allowed? This is controlling behaviour. You need help as this boy is going to be a danger if he continues down this path.

take your daughter out. Ffs.

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We went out?? Perhaps you missed that

OP posts:
Original poster
RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 19:44

piccalili · 06/04/2026 19:33

I think I’d be worried as to why he doesn’t have friends at this age … or why he never meets them out of school. It does sound like something else is going on for him -as to what’s really behind this behaviour… are there any concerns at school?

School haven’t mentioned any concerns, he says he has friends at school which I do believe as he plays with them online but doesnt meet out of school

OP posts:
Cushionsplease · 06/04/2026 19:58

RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 19:44

School haven’t mentioned any concerns, he says he has friends at school which I do believe as he plays with them online but doesnt meet out of school

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I have a teen who doesn’t have any friends (well he says he does but he never ever meets them outside of school

playing with people online doesn’t equate to having friends at school

Original poster
RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 19:59

Cushionsplease · 06/04/2026 19:58

I have a teen who doesn’t have any friends (well he says he does but he never ever meets them outside of school

playing with people online doesn’t equate to having friends at school

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The friends are from school…….

OP posts:
RawBloomers · 06/04/2026 20:01

Is there any neurodiversity OP? It's not a given, but him having no friends and being so inflexible makes me wonder. Because if he is, it may be you need to use different tactics. But if not then you need to just continue reinforcing that he can't control what you do and that the silent treatment is rude. (Edited - sorry just read the having friends just not seeing them out of school so this bit is probably irrelevant).

I would check on his Internet use, in case he's getting validation for his attitude from unsavory sources, and keep involving him when appropriate and going out without him when appropriate. It's really hard to have your children, whom you love, be cold, rude and unapproachable. But I think consistency, not pandering, keeping up the communication - reminding him how you expect him to behave but also telling him how much you love him, what you'r proud of, etc. - is the way forward.

Cushionsplease · 06/04/2026 20:02

RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 19:59

The friends are from school…….

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So he does have friends, albeit ones he plays with only online
so why in your op say he doesn’t?

you do see you are being abused by your son, dont you?

Original poster
RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 20:13

Cushionsplease · 06/04/2026 20:02

So he does have friends, albeit ones he plays with only online
so why in your op say he doesn’t?

you do see you are being abused by your son, dont you?

Edited
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My posts literally says he says he has friends in school ffs

OP posts:
Original poster
RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 20:14

Hes already monitored online and yes my posts literally says he says he has friends in school but never meets them outside of school.

OP posts:
curlyfriess · 06/04/2026 20:20

God people on here are obsessed with punishing kids - when they get to teens it just doesn't work. It just breeds resentment and makes everything worse. I wish people would stop going on about it.

People are also obsessed with kids being controlling. Much more likely his behaviour is down to anxiety. My immediate thought when I read your first post was does he have ASD? I'd seriously be wondering about autism. He's not talking to you because he doesn't know how to handle his emotions. He sounds like he's really struggling tbh. He's a 13 year old child not a 30 year old bloke. People really seem to struggle to differentiate between the two.

Are you sure he has friends at school? Are you sure he's not just pretending to have friends? DS has ASD and he didn't like seeing people from school outside of the structure of school so it might be that.

I think you need a gentle conversation with him to try to get to the bottom of why he gets so upset if you go out without him. Point out to him that nothing gets sorted out or is going to change if he doesn't help you understand why he doesn't like it.

If he ignores you then I would just continue as usual be bright and breezy and talk to him as normal but just don't ask him anything that needs an answer. Basically ignore the fact that he's ignoring you. Don't make it into a big issue.

Coconutter24 · 06/04/2026 20:21

RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 18:29

Hello? Are you ok, of course I talk to him, hes ignoring me

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You need to re read that

Original poster
RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 20:25

curlyfriess · 06/04/2026 20:20

God people on here are obsessed with punishing kids - when they get to teens it just doesn't work. It just breeds resentment and makes everything worse. I wish people would stop going on about it.

People are also obsessed with kids being controlling. Much more likely his behaviour is down to anxiety. My immediate thought when I read your first post was does he have ASD? I'd seriously be wondering about autism. He's not talking to you because he doesn't know how to handle his emotions. He sounds like he's really struggling tbh. He's a 13 year old child not a 30 year old bloke. People really seem to struggle to differentiate between the two.

Are you sure he has friends at school? Are you sure he's not just pretending to have friends? DS has ASD and he didn't like seeing people from school outside of the structure of school so it might be that.

I think you need a gentle conversation with him to try to get to the bottom of why he gets so upset if you go out without him. Point out to him that nothing gets sorted out or is going to change if he doesn't help you understand why he doesn't like it.

If he ignores you then I would just continue as usual be bright and breezy and talk to him as normal but just don't ask him anything that needs an answer. Basically ignore the fact that he's ignoring you. Don't make it into a big issue.

Edited

Thank you, some of these comments have been horrid, I have wondered if he is probably trying to make the friends sound closer than they are. He did have friends from primary that went to the same secondary so I know they exist but they weren’t put in the same tutor groups so I don’t know if he’s struggle to maintain the friendships. ASD could be possible I do have family members with autistic children.

OP posts:
PoppinjayPolly · 06/04/2026 20:26

curlyfriess · 06/04/2026 20:20

God people on here are obsessed with punishing kids - when they get to teens it just doesn't work. It just breeds resentment and makes everything worse. I wish people would stop going on about it.

People are also obsessed with kids being controlling. Much more likely his behaviour is down to anxiety. My immediate thought when I read your first post was does he have ASD? I'd seriously be wondering about autism. He's not talking to you because he doesn't know how to handle his emotions. He sounds like he's really struggling tbh. He's a 13 year old child not a 30 year old bloke. People really seem to struggle to differentiate between the two.

Are you sure he has friends at school? Are you sure he's not just pretending to have friends? DS has ASD and he didn't like seeing people from school outside of the structure of school so it might be that.

I think you need a gentle conversation with him to try to get to the bottom of why he gets so upset if you go out without him. Point out to him that nothing gets sorted out or is going to change if he doesn't help you understand why he doesn't like it.

If he ignores you then I would just continue as usual be bright and breezy and talk to him as normal but just don't ask him anything that needs an answer. Basically ignore the fact that he's ignoring you. Don't make it into a big issue.

Edited

And people are obessed that kids should be pandered to, that they should never face consequences, that abusive controlling behaviour must be ND (how offensive!) and that controlling abusive behaviour has to be PDA/ODD and the only option is gentle parenting and absolutely the only option is doing only what they allow, which includes controlling the whole family.

TreatedAsOptional · 06/04/2026 20:27

What’s he like with his sibling? Does the silent treatment extend to her too?

I am glad to see that you won’t put up with this and you will still go out.

Cushionsplease · 06/04/2026 20:39

RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 20:13

My posts literally says he says he has friends in school ffs

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I have a teen who doesn’t have any friends

Cushionsplease · 06/04/2026 20:41

Coconutter24 · 06/04/2026 20:21

You need to re read that

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Yup.

Fact is… this is actually the most disturbing thread I’ve read on mumsnet. This is literally like watching the formation of a man who become abusive to his partner.

Ignoring his mother for 3 days for going out…. I mean. No words

Cushionsplease · 06/04/2026 20:42

TreatedAsOptional · 06/04/2026 20:27

What’s he like with his sibling? Does the silent treatment extend to her too?

I am glad to see that you won’t put up with this and you will still go out.

Abusive according to the thread the op started two days ago that I was on

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 06/04/2026 20:47

Cushionsplease · 06/04/2026 18:20

You are raising someone who is going to be an abusive controlling partner if you don’t parent up very sharpish

Edited

That's exactly what I was going to say.

I have a 13 yo DS who does similar things. It's not easy to deal with it but I take it VERY seriously. I refuse to raise an abusive men (like his father).

fashionqueen0123 · 06/04/2026 21:12

Cushionsplease · 06/04/2026 20:41

Yup.

Fact is… this is actually the most disturbing thread I’ve read on mumsnet. This is literally like watching the formation of a man who become abusive to his partner.

Ignoring his mother for 3 days for going out…. I mean. No words

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Exactly.

There don’t seem to be any consequences for his behaviour.

OP you can not let this continue for your and his sake

Moonlightfrog · 06/04/2026 21:20

I think 13 is still very young. I have friends that don’t leave their 13 year olds at home (though I think it’s fine too).

My dd was always grumpy about going out so I would leave her and take her sister out, there were also times where I would make her come with us. Both my DD’s are autistic, dd1 is more of a home body and would happily stay at home gaming rather than come out with me.

It does sound like he’s being a bit controlling, I would ignore the sulking, you gave him the choice to go with you and he declined, he can’t expect you to stay at home with him just because he doesn’t want to go out.

hesinfee · 06/04/2026 21:47

RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 18:49

Yes he does not admit he doesn’t like it, I suspect he is worried about missing something when I’m out as I have a younger child so hes worried she will get something he does even though I offer to bring him things back. He does not see his father.

He has no relationship with his dad, that's sad, what the backstory there?

I'd be concerned for his sister too, is he abusive to her? I'd imagine so.

But there is hope. Try and talk with him, maybe do a night in with a take away. Does he do gaming? Could ou join him? Then work from there on some compromises? Desensitise him to his strong aversion to you leaving him?

Does he have terrible attachment problems? he wasn't adopted, was he? Or left without mum and dad for prolonged periods when younger? Has he watched a horror movie with friends or has something else happened to him?

PollyBell · 06/04/2026 22:05

Cushionsplease · 06/04/2026 20:41

Yup.

Fact is… this is actually the most disturbing thread I’ve read on mumsnet. This is literally like watching the formation of a man who become abusive to his partner.

Ignoring his mother for 3 days for going out…. I mean. No words

Show quote history

How has he ended up like that? It sounds like he needs counselling