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Original poster

Teen hates me going out without him

86 replies

RainyRainyRain · 06/04/2026 15:31

Has anyone experienced this? I have a teen who doesn’t have any friends (well he says he does but he never ever meets them outside of school) so every half term on holiday he spends at home, he comes out with me if I initiate a day out or take my youngest out but this is occasionally as otherwise he doesn’t like coming, the trouble is if he doesn’t want to go out he doesnt like it if I go out. He gets angry at me and stops talking to me if I go out without him but thats even if I have offered to take him out and he refuses. He is on day 3 of giving me the silent treatment because I went out without him the other day. Has anyone ever experienced this I’ve never heard of this before?! Most teens would love it if their mum went out and they got the house to themselves and she brought food home for them. (I touched on this in another thread I made but want to concentrate more on the fact he has been giving me the silent treatment for 3 days) please no judgement on my parenting i dont know why he is like this and dont know what has caused it

OP posts:
mismomary · 06/04/2026 22:10

I would say…. You’re obviously livid with me because I went out. But you know deep down that it’s ok and normal for me to go out don’t you. I think you’re angry because you don’t understand how you feel about me going out. Is that making any sense?

if he says nothing, continues to ignore you, I’d tell him to have a think and come back to you when he wants to talk about it. If he wants to carry on just feeling angry and being silent then the only person he’s hurting is himself. You will carry on being yourself and going out. But you’re there to help him whenever he’s ready.

PoppinjayPolly · 06/04/2026 22:14

Cushionsplease · 06/04/2026 20:42

Abusive according to the thread the op started two days ago that I was on

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Again, how fucking horribly sad, yet again a parent so caught up in ensuring that no1 child gets everything, never told no, is always their priority.. they don’t care how it affects their lesser children.

Lavender14 · 06/04/2026 22:16

Op I'm just wondering if there's a history of domestic abuse in your family. I have worked with lots of young people who grew up around domestic abuse, and a lot of the lads especially (even after the relationship ended and they were safe away from dad/ mums partner) still felt extremely protective of their mum and it was really a trauma response where they wanted to be where she was all the time, because if they could see her then they knew she was safe and okay and therefore they were safe and okay. Sometimes the kids had never seen their mum being hit, and sometimes there was only ever emotional abuse in the home, the oppressive atmosphere they were all living under was enough to trigger this in them.

Is something like this possible? If so then counselling with a domestic abuse specialist counsellor or youth worker via women's aid would be a good place to start.

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GloriaHeeler · 06/04/2026 22:50

What is he doing in his room for three days? Reading the Famous Five?

likelysuspect · 06/04/2026 22:58

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 06/04/2026 20:47

That's exactly what I was going to say.

I have a 13 yo DS who does similar things. It's not easy to deal with it but I take it VERY seriously. I refuse to raise an abusive men (like his father).

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If your son does similar things a) he is abusive then? So he's going to be similar to OPs son by the sounds of it b) what is the consequences then and if they are working why is he acting like thist

Re other posts, I knew that someone was going to raise whether he was ASD etc, and he may well be but in my view is that you can have autism and not all your behaviour is down to your ND. This doesnt seem to be agreed by most people in the autistic community, there is a belief that if you're autistic ergo your presentation IS autistic, so everything needs to be seen in that context. but I dont agree with that. Kids are kids first, their disorder is part of them but not the whole.

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 07/04/2026 01:02

likelysuspect · 06/04/2026 22:58

If your son does similar things a) he is abusive then? So he's going to be similar to OPs son by the sounds of it b) what is the consequences then and if they are working why is he acting like thist

Re other posts, I knew that someone was going to raise whether he was ASD etc, and he may well be but in my view is that you can have autism and not all your behaviour is down to your ND. This doesnt seem to be agreed by most people in the autistic community, there is a belief that if you're autistic ergo your presentation IS autistic, so everything needs to be seen in that context. but I dont agree with that. Kids are kids first, their disorder is part of them but not the whole.

Show quote history

Yes, he behaves in unacceptable ways and there are consequences. But I'm one person and his father lives across the street and undermines me and I have no extended family to support me. It's a fucking horrible situation and the whole society is aligned to raise abusive men and undermine anyone who goes against that.

Cushionsplease · 07/04/2026 06:34

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likelysuspect · 07/04/2026 07:47

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 07/04/2026 01:02

Yes, he behaves in unacceptable ways and there are consequences. But I'm one person and his father lives across the street and undermines me and I have no extended family to support me. It's a fucking horrible situation and the whole society is aligned to raise abusive men and undermine anyone who goes against that.

Show quote history

The reason I ask is that you say 'I take it very seriously' as if the OP isnt

But you're dealing with it you say there are consequences and the behaviour still continues. You say you refuse to raise an abusive man but he still is. Im just wondering what the answer is as he is one of many, you and OP are not rare unfortunately.

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 08/04/2026 00:10

likelysuspect · 07/04/2026 07:47

The reason I ask is that you say 'I take it very seriously' as if the OP isnt

But you're dealing with it you say there are consequences and the behaviour still continues. You say you refuse to raise an abusive man but he still is. Im just wondering what the answer is as he is one of many, you and OP are not rare unfortunately.

Show quote history

What I mean is that I know how serious it is. I don't know if the OP does, and I know lots of people don't take abusive behaviours seriously (i see that in my own family). I'm doing the best I can about my DS.

I don't know what exactly is your point. But I know I'm doing my best.

DemonsandMosquitoes · 08/04/2026 08:01

Far more to this. How did his dad behave towards you?

Lolalovesroses · 08/04/2026 08:41

Why don’t you ask him to ask a school friend out and take them both trampolining or the cinema? I know 13 year olds generally don’t have “ play dates” but it would be a start. Arrange his meet ups initially, then reduce your involvement.

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