How do parents juggle work, children, housework and avoid burnout?

[Sunshine231]

How do people manage to keep a clean tidy house, work full time, have more than one child and have time to do activities with those kids and stay sane / not burn out? And also maintain their appearance, get their hair and nails done etc.? I have quite a high pressure job. I clean the house once a week but it’s just a surface level clean really. It takes 2 hours but I can still see things that need cleaning when I’m done (inside windows, skirting boards, doors, inside of the washing machine). And then all of our cupboards are just chaos and need sorting but I never seem to have time to do it. I feel guilty for not doing enough activities with the kids. My house just never looks properly clean and organised. I feel tired and overwhelmed all the time. I look a complete state. My makeup bag is just a mess of old makeup but I can’t find time to sort it. Haven’t had my hair or nails done for years. Am I missing something? How are other parents doing it all?

I’m divorced and my ex has the two kids half the week, but not sure anyone would aspire to that!

Other than that, I work full time but from home so I can clean on my lunch breaks. I use my child free evenings and one weekend day to do things like an exercise class, volunteering, go out with my partner/friends or decorate my house.

I feel most stressed at times like the kids being ill and having to take time off work to look after them, or when they’re being difficult (they’re autistic).

My parents both worked full time so I agree with your point that this is nothing new. But the house was never very clean or tidy. The washing pile was about 6ft high at all times. My parents spent very little time with us. My mum certainly did not spend her weekends at softplay or kids parties 😂 they were both stressed and quite angry most of the time. However the parents I know these days do have tidy homes and they also seem to do a lot of activities with their kids

They have tidy homes when they invite you round, yes!

What works for us is a solid routine.
Either a Saturday or Sunday morning we both spend a couple of hours each cleaning the house. We sit together and plan the weeks meals and place an online order. We are busy and tired dont get me wrong but having a set routine helps us not miss things. We use a shared calendar for anything we shouldn't forget. Our 3 kids are all secondary school now though so that helps massively. We both have busy jobs which aren't always 8-5 so we just communicate as well as we can. Some weeks are smooth going others a little more chaotic. We have 4x days a week with kids activities that keep one of us out of the house until 8pm.

Hi @Sunshine231if it helps at all I had a full on breakdown to my mum yesterday with the exact same things you have listed there. I have no idea how to do it all - work, kid, dog, housework, washing, other caring family commitments, kids activities, exercise, food shopping, food prepping - child is 14 months old so I’m even thinking how do I get a shower when my husband is at work and I’m solo parenting. There is so much pressure and all we see on social media is people who appear to have their shit together - in reality no one does. I’m contemplating getting a cleaner, an eufy, a dog walker and outsourcing some of our bigger washes like bedding etc to hopefully take some of the load off!

I have a cleaner, I love her! I feel so much better knowing that the house gets a good clean every other week and it stops things from getting too bad.

The house still looks like a bomb has exploded most of the time, so the day before the cleaner comes my whole family does a panic tidy.

I would give up all other luxuries before I give up the cleaner.

True.

Not sure when the 'kids activities' and parents devoting their free time to them started but my parents didn't do it and I think I had a great childhood.

And Dad took us out for walks and to museums sometimes and we'd have very rare days outs to paid things like zoos and theme parks but this idea of every weekend and even evenings devoted to going out with the kids just didn't exist in my family or the peers I hung out with in the late 80s.

We just played. On our own or with siblings or when older, with friends.

It was great. We didn't expect to be entertained all the time.

We don't avoid burnout. We're completely burned out, but the wheel never stops turning. Always a class, a new theme day at school, entertainment for the kids needed, demanding job. Tomorrow is always a new day though, and whatever I don't get done today, rolls over to tomorrow. As long as we're all still alive at the end of the day, it's a win.

It's quite dangerous to have machines running at night. Even "water based" ones like dishwashers and washing machines.

I wouldn’t aspire to be like someone with gel nails and hair extensions and a show home because those aspects of performing femininity don’t appeal to me. Likewise giving up my financial security and future earning potential to clean the house whilst my husband works and then only being able to afford to go on puddle walks for ‘fun’.

We do work full time and my cleaner quit so I do understand op. I do online shopping and meal plan. I put everything for the dc in my calendar and my dh’s calendar and check it constantly. My house is clean enough. My dh pulls his weight. I don’t iron.

Tbh if one of us was only earning minimum wage I’d look at that person getting more education or starting a business or trying to get onto an apprenticeship or something - having more income will give you far more options in the long run to make your lives easier than trying to optimise what you have.

I'm determined that this year is the year that I get a handle on this. My youngest is three and I'm feeling like I can get more organised.

I'm being ruthless with the shite and clutter and more mindful of what I'm putting where and when - make less work later.

Well see how I go......

Just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Thank you, reading these comments has in fact made me feel a bit better and a lot less alone ❤️

This!
What housework etc does your dh do?

Ime people don't do it all.
The ones with clean houses work part-time and their dh's do a lot too.
Or the kids are in fulltime day care and get all their meals there - very little cooking goes on.
Or they have cleaners and gardeners. Or both. Or grandparents that help out ..I see my neighbours dad hanging out their washing.
I don't know any house where parents work fulltime with young kids and they have a clean house /lots or activities etc and no help

He looks after the kids on a Saturday morning so I can have 2 hours to clean the house. He unloads the dishwasher on a morning and puts the bins out on bin day. He will help with folding and putting away laundry if I ask him. He dresses our youngest child and changes his nappy if he’s home. If we need anything from the shop he goes while I look after the kids. It’s not quite an even split as I do all the cooking and I do quite a bit more laundry and cleaning than him but he helps where he can. He also has a 20 minute drive to and from work while I work from
home. Although my job is really strict and I’m closely monitored so I can’t really do housework or anything during the work day

Single parent in a high pressured job for years. I think I did nearly break. You just have to plough on. It starts getting easier quite quickly.

Sounds like you are carrying everything at home (with ‘help’) and have the harder job. That might be the issue. .

He can take the kids to the shop. Or you go to the shop (and stop for a coffee!) while he takes the kids

There’s your answer then. Parent’s’ do it by having 2 functioning adults in the house who equally pull their weight. Not with the same person who pulls the finance weight, the housework weight, the cooking weight, the childcare weight.

I clean little and often. So nothing is ever perfect, but everywhere is acceptable. My husband pulls his weight.

I work 4 days. On Fridays i do self care, shopping, exercise and cleaning. Try and pick the kids up by 3pm!

I remember asking this same question on mn around 18 years ago when I had three little ones at different schools, I was running myself ragged working three p/t jobs (my DH pulling his weight around his f/t job) and the housework/garden/life admin was overwhelming. I was roundly told I was just lazy. 🙄

Well what about single parent households? How do they function?

From what I hear from speaking to other women, a lot of us are good at putting a face on. Not much I can say but just wanted you to know I really felt your message and I hope you have a good friend who you can spend an afternoon with to regain some sanity x

To be truthful I have been wondering recently if maybe I am just lazy and / or inept. I’m only at work 8 hours Monday to Friday. There are 16 hours of the day that I’m not at work and then the whole weekend as well, but I still can’t seem to find time to get everything done around work apart from the bare minimum of keeping everyone alive, clean clothes and trying to spend most of the weekend with the kids. I feel like everything is falling apart while I struggle just to do those basic things. Then I see other mums who have beautiful homes, do loads of days out with the kids, and keep themselves looking lovely and glam and I just feel like there must be something wrong with me 😣

Because they’re not carrying the other parent at the same time. Not doing their laundry, not putting more in to the pot to cover their costs, not doing their cooking, their shopping, their cleaning etc
and then, if your ex is even half way decent, you’ll get time completely to yourself however often they have them. Often at least a whole day per week.