How do parents juggle work, children, housework and avoid burnout?

[Sunshine231]

How do people manage to keep a clean tidy house, work full time, have more than one child and have time to do activities with those kids and stay sane / not burn out? And also maintain their appearance, get their hair and nails done etc.? I have quite a high pressure job. I clean the house once a week but it’s just a surface level clean really. It takes 2 hours but I can still see things that need cleaning when I’m done (inside windows, skirting boards, doors, inside of the washing machine). And then all of our cupboards are just chaos and need sorting but I never seem to have time to do it. I feel guilty for not doing enough activities with the kids. My house just never looks properly clean and organised. I feel tired and overwhelmed all the time. I look a complete state. My makeup bag is just a mess of old makeup but I can’t find time to sort it. Haven’t had my hair or nails done for years. Am I missing something? How are other parents doing it all?

I’m mean we don’t live like you, but we are also stress free and happy…it’s not about “stuff” for us either but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to somewhat prioritise kids having their own bedrooms or having holidays. I personally would be depressed at the thought of no takeaways, new clothes or days out that are on the more costly side. We have fun every day not just at weekends tbh. It’s not a one or the other…

I don’t know how people do it to be honest. I only work part time and my house doesn’t feel very tidy. The cooking, cleaning, washing etc just seems like a relentless cycle that never ends and if I ever feel I get to the end of it, reality kicks in after a few hours and it’s back to the beginning again!

Only had 2 kids because I’m not sure I could cope with more. Thankfully DH pulls his weight in many ways and we probably look like we have it all together from the outside (someone asked me once how I manage haha so I’m clearly fooling some people)

I look like ass.

My house look like ass.

My mental health has been ass and i had a breakdown last year from extreme sleep deprivation and exhaustion.

We have a bit of a military operation.

Food shop is organised on a 3 week rotating menu with online shopping delivered on set days (two deliveries a week to make sure we have fresh fruit and veg)

Every night the dishwasher and washing machine get put on and robot hoover is set off as we to to bed. We put one basket of washing away every night.

Every morning the dishwasher and washing machine are unloaded during breakfast. That means most washing is done before the weekend.

At the weekend we clean bathrooms and upstairs rooms in about an hour.Downstairs kitchen and loo takes about 20 mins and then I do something in depth for 40 mins. So that could be the oven and skirtings, or all the picture frames or windows etc.

Every week DH is delegated a cupboard to sort. This week it was bathroom cupboard. Last week it was the outside store cupboard. By the time he's done all the cupboards the first one is probably messy again.

All clubs kids do have different bags packed for the various activity (swimming. Drama, sport)

I am strict with clutter. We have a box to go at all times.

Garden and car we are a bit lax with but I will do most of the gardening while playing with DC at the weekends.

Oh but I don't do nails etc. they get ruined anyway with the cleaning!

The only people who have it all are paying for hired help.
Accept even with 2 parents you are glossing over some things
work out your priorities and get those done
Everything else is a bonus
I batch cook where I can, try and train the DCs to be tidy and sometimes we get a cleaner if we can afford the extra.
Be ruthless with clearing out clothes and toys
Have a clean sink, toilet and fridge
Don’t stop aspiring to it all but don’t get too down if the wheels fall off

this. So many men who talk the feminist talk and then miraculously don’t notice that they’re not walking it

Well it isn't one or the other if you earn enough money to have both! But if your single salary/part time salaries are not high enough, then you probably need to choose between a more luxurious lifestyle vs more free time.

I was quite obviously using lattes, holidays, and new cars on finance to be examples of an overall 'spendy' lifestyle.

Swap lattes for other takeaway coffees, buying food from cafes at lunchtime rather than taking your own sandwich to work, Friday night takeaway pizza, it doesn't matter. If you do none of these it's a lot cheaper than if you do lots of these.

I worked PT evenings and weekends until DC started secondary school.

I have low housekeeping standards.

We both work full time. He has a low stress job but it’s also low paid so we can’t afford to outsource cleaning etc. we don’t buy takeaway coffees, we don’t have meals out. We do not go on nights out or have gym memberships or anything like that. We live on a strict budget just to be able to afford our house (which is modest but in a nice area) and to afford to give the kids all the things they need. I went for coffee with some mums from school and they both had fresh gel nails and hair extensions and just look so nice. I’ve seen their homes and they are like show homes. They both spend their weekends doing days out with their kids. But what I’m realising from this thread is that these parents who seem to have it all, have more money and can afford to outsource or for at least one parent to work part time.

We don’t do any of those things and we still can’t afford for one of us to work part time. My partner is on minimum wage. I have an average salary. We would not survive if one of us went part time. It wouldn’t be a stress free life as we would constantly be worrying about paying the bills every month

This makes me feel a lot less alone 🥰 I see other mums at school and think there must be something wrong with me because they just look so put together. Their homes are immaculate. It’s nice to know that’s not how it is for everyone

But as far as I can see…you are the one with more free time? Family time is at the weekends? Same for us, now my dc are older they chill on a Saturday morning. I’m an early riser so I have the laundry on and shopping done by then. It’s swings and roundabouts I suppose. I’m lucky I like my job too though.

I didn't do any of those, one child, part time job reasonable house and a husband.
Never had my nails done, hair cut every 6 weeks with out fail. Always done me things, nights out with friends, exercise, solo shopping days, day at the races with old work colleagues. Always some activities for ds but not every night - scouts, swimming and football was enough.
Family days out at weekends.
No one including me gives a shit if my skirting boards or the inside of my washing machine were clean!

Yes I agree, if you are on minimum wage it probably isn't feasible to have one parent not working at all, but one full time and one part time could work IF your mortgage is small and you live cheaply. Our monthly income is about £2600 after tax etc. We save about £800 a month, so technically could make it work on about £2000, with £200 savings for emergencies etc. £2000 a month is equivalent to a salary of about £28k, so that would be one full time minimum wage salary plus a part time minimum wage salary.

Obviously to have a small mortgage you need to live in a non-expensive area, and buy a small house in poor condition then do it up yourself! As those were decisions you likely made years ago, it's difficult to sort it out now iyswim.

Is there a reason your partner is on minimum wage? I would think it’s fairly unusual for a male old enough to be a father and working full time to not have progressed a rung up?

Fair play to you because I don’t think I’d have the discipline for that. Do you ever feel like you miss the little treats though, like takeaways, new clothes, or experiences. or do you find you just don’t need/want them anymore?

Cleaner bi-weekly, shopping delivered, meal prep, and divide and conquer with husband/partner. I get my nails and hair done regularly and sometimes I take my little boy with me…iPad time - bad parenting but only a short time and we both win!

Quiet quit the housework

He left school at 16 with no qualifications. He spent 15 years living in Australia where he worked in bar / cafe jobs. When he came back to the U.K. he had no qualifications and also no experience in anything but hospitality. He never progressed to management level because he hopped jobs quite a lot. So he’s just taken whatever jobs he could get here. Warehouse work, admin jobs.

We have a weekly cleaner. Nails and hair went by the wayside some time ago, although I prioritise exercise. I’d say we probably spend too much time at the weekend doing housework when we could be playing with the kids but we do also prioritise quality time together in terms of holidays, days out etc. I am very tired all of the time. We don’t cook elaborate meals. Air fryer and robot hoover are both worth their weight in gold.

I was going to write a longer post but somebody else put it better

"I look like ass." Same
"My house look like ass." Same
"My mental health has been ass and i had a breakdown last year from extreme sleep deprivation and exhaustion."
Mine is actually OK but this could easily be me if my children were younger (I can plonk them in front of the TV now) and I hadn't inherited a big quiet house and some money (the big house naturally holds more clutter but there's room to push everything behind the sofa and a couple of rooms literally waist deep in stuff with the doors shut- the other rooms there's space to walk across the floor which is nice mentally).

I would say here lies a fair bit of your problem op. It’s quite a luxury as a parent to opt for such stress free roles.

The same way they always did, bar hair and nail appts.

It's only fairly recently that it's been said being a parent and working is a near impossible task.

I'm from working class families where the women either worked part time at least, often more than one job, with more DC and didn't have any of the modern conveniences that we have now.

And I'm not saying it was easy or great but it happened for thousands of families. It was just life.

And no universal credit or other benefits.