Ibiza destination wedding with evening events, how to manage with toddlers?

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We have a family destination wedding this summer in Ibiza. It lasts five days, and all the events — dinners, boats, the wedding itself — start in the evenings from 7pm onwards. There are no daytime activities.

It’s my sister‑in‑law’s wedding, and my husband is one of three children. We’re the only ones with small children (1.5 and 3 years old). I’ve gone along with the plans so far because we haven’t had a full schedule, but I’m starting to feel worried. The family keep saying the children will be “fine”, that everything is child‑friendly, but realistically these timings won’t work for them at all. we are staying in a villa in the hills, so will have to trave be car, and the events dont have rooms etc that I could sit with the children in if they fall asleep etc.

It’s getting awkward because I’ve tried to gently suggest that we may not manage every evening, but I also don’t want to seem unhelpful. We will definitely dip in and out where we can, and of course, we’ll be at the wedding night.

There was also a suggestion that my husband could go to the events while I stay with the children and catch up with everyone in the day. I really don’t want the week — including my annual leave — to turn into me solo‑parenting two overtired toddlers while everyone else is out. My husband completely agrees and wants us to stay together so I’m not leaving events early or alone.
I’m a people pleaser, so I feel awkward raising this, but I also don’t want the trip to be stressful for the kids or for us.

Any advice would be really appreciated.

OP I wouldn’t overthink it too much. I assume theres other children going? I expect your 3 yo will love it. Your younger one can you take a lightweight buggy with you so you can settle them in there when they get tired?

I’d also reccommend putting them both down for a nap late afternoon & give them tea (dinner) before you go out in the eve then if they are tired & don’t want to eat you don’t need to stress over it.
go & have a fabulous time all will be fine

Sounds diabolical for someone with two young children.

You need a nanny. Or a grandparent.

Could eg your mum go with you to look after the kids in the evenings?

Just don't go. DH goes alone. It honestly sounds shit, I wouldn't do it.

ive always taken my dc out with us for late evenings on holiday. A long afternoon nap after a busy morning and big lunch. I do think you and your dh should come up with a plan for some of the evenings where he can go alone as it’s his sister. Maybe skip the boat trip. If it was your sister I would be saying the same.

my in laws got married in Ibiza. I was pregnant at the time so I ended up taking all my nieces and nephews back to the villa so it worked out for everyone. Do you have anyone with you or can you take someone even for the wedding night?

I think late chill evenings on holiday is very, very different to wedding events. Everyone needs to be dressed, timings will be very precise, a ton of people and noise, zero possibility to escape when it gets too much etc.

I personally would not entertain this with a 1 and a 3 year old. It will be truly shit for the OP. Annual leave is too precious.

I would either 1) not go at all or 2) not go to the evening events, so just be around in the day.

I can't get past a 5 day destination wedding, sorry that's insane.

Honestly it sounds awful. Mine were never the 'sleep late in a buggy' type. Of course we made it work for occasional evenings, but not lots in a row.

That sounds horrific, and very much like you're expected to be the sacrificial lamb. I would expect you both to go to the wedding night with the kids, and for your DH to make one other priority event. Other than that, the other 3 nights should be yours as a family.

I had similar when my twins were two.

it transpired the wedding couple had no experience with children at all and they got very pissed off when my two got hungry and tired and started chucking very loud tantrums which the role wedding could hear.

it didn’t help that dinner was delayed until 10pm because apparently there had been an accident in the kitchen.

the bride suggested we put our twins on their own in a room upstairs and just leave them (they were two).

my dh realised at this point it was not going to work and we all went back to the accommodation and ate biscuits. We did go to the event the next day at which someone gave them left over champagne and orange juice mix and if you’ve never seen two drunk toddlers I advise you not to.

at that point we just gave up and did our own thing.

seriously, this is very unlikely to go well. Work out your back up plan now (ideally don’t go)

I think do what you can. As you said, prioritise the wedding evening event and then see how it goes for the rest. I think one evening of a toddler meltdown should be enough for the wider family to get the picture. Annoying for you though as the whole schedule is clearly very adult focused. I'd be open to sending your husband alone to one of the evenings too. Especially if there's a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding (it's an American thing but creeping in all over).

You're going to feel like you've been robbed of annual leave most likely. It's all very well for people to say the toddlers will sleep but there's two of them so who the heck knows until you get there. I feel for you.

I would absolutely swerve the boat trip with small children. I can't think of anything worse plus it will be high summer so little relief from the sun even if it is early evening.

My experience of this is that you need to reset their clock. You will be surprised but the heat will be really helpful with this.

Up earlyish, lots of swimming and activities while it is still cool, early lunch, long nap and back in the pool for a few hours before getting ready to go out.
A long nap after lunch for all of you works well to take them into the evening. Make sure you have two buggies with you so the kids can go to sleep when they are tired. Insect screens are a must, it's really unpleasant coating your kids in repellent and then putting them to bed in it but needs must and the screen will keep the worst off unless you are happy to use the strongest stuff going.

Once the kids are asleep, make your excuses when it suits you on the grounds they will be "up with the lark" and agree before you go out whether today is the day that DH stays on with his family or comes back with you. Really unfair to have to sole parent the evenings and the mornings unless he is covering all pool time mornings and afternoons but realistically you need two pairs of hands around a pool with two such small children even if your 3yo can swim like a fish.

Or you suck it up on the basis it's a one off family wedding and he owes you big time. He then covers while you have a nice 5 day solo weekend at a later point....... and make sure you do!

Lastly, it's a bit painful for a day or two but generally kids adjust straight back into their usual routines. It's cooler, they are therefore awake more during the day and they adjust back quickly.

Do bring plenty of spare clothes. Sun lotion and insect repellent wreaks havoc on your stuff and if you are handling small slightly greasy children you are very unlikely to get more than one evening out of any outfit.

I think you should cancel your AL and your DH go on his own.

So we went to a destination Ibiza wedding when my eldest was ten months and it was fine but the hosts had really considered kids. For the evening event they had hired local Nannies who were amazing and fed and played with the babies and then walked them round until they fell asleep in their buggies. Otherwise it would have been crap

Leave them sleeping for very long afternoon naps, or hire a babysitter at night

Completely agree.

There is no point “voicing” any concerns, they will be so invested in the wedding that they have booked that no amount of voicing anything will make them change plans/timings for you. I would prioritise wedding, try a later sleep and nap, make that the day your DH stays out late. Can you get a relative to come with you? Pay their travel in return for babysitting?

avoid the boat trip, claim dodgy tummy or something- as per pp that will be awful

The whole suggesting you leave your 2 years olds in a hotel room alone and someone giving them champagne is absolutely diabolical. Like wow , I would have ran so far away from all of that. People are clueless!

these things always sound nice on paper but in reality someone has to deal with the childcare, people are always up late etc. it’s ok if you are all very laid back but if there’s schedules to keep etc it may be tricky.
as the in law I would worry that the childcare is always going to fall to you.
destination weddings are quite selfish, there’s such an expectation on people to spend out, use leave, spend a lot of money etc.
you and your DH need to be on the same page about this.
do you want to go? Could you stay somewhere more child friendly and just go to some of the days including the wedding?

Can you take someone with to help with the kids? A friend or babysitter maybe - not necessarily to leave the kids with but as an extra pair of hands.

Would suggest taking two individual travel prams for naps - a double means one will wake the other up. Also ear defenders and an spf blackout canopy.

It is unreasonable to expect you all to go to everything, and the fact is you don’t have to. Ignore the suggestions from others and do what is right for your family.

YANBU - looking after the kids for a week solo each evening is not a holiday and it’s not fair. As much as the others are saying the “kids will be fine” they aren’t the ones having to look after them. Do what you can, miss what you need to and support each other.

That sounds like my idea of a nightmare! Personally I just wouldn’t go, if my DH wanted to go on his own then fine but that situation with two children that are still so young is going to be nothing but stress.

I hate when people suggest “they will fall asleep in the pram” etc. how do they know?? My two would never have done that.

I’d be staying home with the kids and leaving him to go alone. Sounds stressful!!

My SIL is getting married this year in Spain (where she lives) and timings are similar. We’ve decided that toddler DS and I won’t go. It’s not worth the hassle of the flights (two each way as we’re islanders) only for me to have to leave everything after an hour to take him back to sleep, and he turns into the grouch when he’s kept up beyond about 7.30pm so even if we tried it’d be a nightmare for one of us trying to entertain him.

I agree with some others on here who suggested bringing along help if possible. Can one of your parents or niece, etc come along? Either that or research reliable sitters at location, and arrange in advance.

This would be my take on it too. I took my kids to various weddings at young ages and we still enjoyed the occasions. Having said that my kids could cope with a lack of routine and with a bit of walking round the block I could get them to sleep in a buggy pretty much anywhere. If this doesn’t feel like it’ll work for you then you’re totally justified in saying no. Good luck with whatever you decide but try not to worry about it from now until the summer!

I think you’re right to have the attitude of we’ll dip in and out where we can and stay firm with that. It’s your holiday, as well as a wedding so you’ve got to do what works for you as well so that you enjoy it.

We spend a lot of time in Spain and mine have always stayed up late on holiday and slept in buggies but they would also wake up late and just seemed to adapt to a different schedule so we were lucky but even so, I’d always be very much we’ll play it by ear. If they’d had a late afternoon nap then I knew they’d be fine staying up and going out for dinner later but it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes I’d feed them before we went out for dinner so they weren’t starving hungry and then it wouldn’t matter if they fell asleep en route. I’m pleased to hear your DH’s on board and won’t be trying to sneak off on his own (unfortunately some men are very much like this!) I know there are no daytime activities scheduled but I’m assuming you’ll all be hanging out together during the day at some points so even if you don’t make it out in the evening, everyone will feel like they’ve spent time with you all.

I’d definitely take two buggies and always take them with you if you’re going out at night. Sometimes mine just wanted to get down from the table and chill in their buggies.