Ibiza destination wedding with evening events, how to manage with toddlers?

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We have a family destination wedding this summer in Ibiza. It lasts five days, and all the events — dinners, boats, the wedding itself — start in the evenings from 7pm onwards. There are no daytime activities.

It’s my sister‑in‑law’s wedding, and my husband is one of three children. We’re the only ones with small children (1.5 and 3 years old). I’ve gone along with the plans so far because we haven’t had a full schedule, but I’m starting to feel worried. The family keep saying the children will be “fine”, that everything is child‑friendly, but realistically these timings won’t work for them at all. we are staying in a villa in the hills, so will have to trave be car, and the events dont have rooms etc that I could sit with the children in if they fall asleep etc.

It’s getting awkward because I’ve tried to gently suggest that we may not manage every evening, but I also don’t want to seem unhelpful. We will definitely dip in and out where we can, and of course, we’ll be at the wedding night.

There was also a suggestion that my husband could go to the events while I stay with the children and catch up with everyone in the day. I really don’t want the week — including my annual leave — to turn into me solo‑parenting two overtired toddlers while everyone else is out. My husband completely agrees and wants us to stay together so I’m not leaving events early or alone.
I’m a people pleaser, so I feel awkward raising this, but I also don’t want the trip to be stressful for the kids or for us.

Any advice would be really appreciated.

That is because with kids in Spain and Italy, it is there rountine to eat late, be up late. I bet they don’t get up at the crack of dawn either.

My kids are in a great routine and this type of event would seriously disrupt them and it wouldn’t be enjoyable for any of us. It isn’t overthinking at all, it’s called protecting your peace and family. One evening yes, but 5 evenings in a row is utterly ridiculous and a huge ask of someone with two young children.

This, absolutely.

Not all kids are the same . I once thought like this. My middle child changed my mind. Never slept in a pushchair or pram ever! Took hours to settle. Such a trip just wouldn’t have worked for us without one parent leaving every evening to look after the child,

I get that not all kids can switch routines easily, I’m very lucky with mine, she’s always been super adaptable and easy-going. OP’s kids may be the same though. Best way to find out is try keeping them up later one night and see if they manage to sleep in the next morning. If they do then OP could start to change to a later routine a few days before the holiday then gradually phase it out in the days after the holiday

When we've stayed in Greece, there were regularly quite young kids at tavernas late in the evening. Our culture says children get to maybe 18 months/2 and the ones that have had good parenting will grow out of naps and go to bed early. The number of hours they sleep maybe a scientific/biological thing but when they sleep is not. If you are out late they will adjust to later mornings and party nights, with siestas which you'll probably find the grown-up have too! The first couple of days might be rough, but they'll get into it!

I definitely think you should do what you can answer not feel bad about the things you can't do. As long as you get to the wedding that's the main thing. It's a massive amount to ask of you with children that age.

They bride and groom have chosen what they want to do and not taken your situation into account, which is absolutely their choice but it's also your choice to participate in what parts you feel will work for your family.

I wouldn't have wanted to keep my kids up late or have them sleep in buggies at the side and several days out of routine would just have made them miserable/grumpy for the wedding.

Well done for making the effort to go and just do what you can.

I think I would go, but don’t commit to every evening event. Maybe just the wedding and one other. Five successive nights of late nights for two toddlers sounds like hell, unless you can get them to have a long late nap. Maybe just go with the expectation that your plans will be fluid. I actually wouldn’t mind if OH went to actual evening events with out us! Yeah you are left to be the default parent but me I would just get the kids down and spend the evening relaxing with a book- even better if you are abroad and staying somewhere with a balcony/terrace you can sit on.

I agree. My kids wouldn't go down for naps whenever I wanted them to, they just wouldnt, and would then get over tired and overwrought so this would have been pointless for me.

I know my children and at that age they would have been cranky and crotchety as hell if I had done this. Not all kids are the same!

Personally I wouldn't go. The idea of using my annual leave on solo parenting at someone else's wedding at a destination I didnt choose is my idea of hell. No thank you.

Its entirely people's choice to have a destination wedding but then they cant complain if people dont go.

.. especially a 5 day wedding with events every evening.

A 5 day wedding? Who are these people?! It sounds like hell on earth with 2 young children, so I'd either prioritise the actual service and tell them you'll dip in and out of the rest of the fripperies as and when you can, and enjoy a chilled family holiday the rest of the week, or I'd send DH on his own and and have own family holiday another time.

I've witnessed plenty of overtired, cranky toddlers and young children from other countries late at night on holidays - it's far from the truth to suggest it's just children from the UK who can't handle late nights.

Imagine someone had posted on the Holidays thread that 'Dh wants me to have sole responsibility for both children most evenings on our 5 day overseas holiday so he can focus on attending parties' - what might the responses have been?

It might work out, it might not. But the person responsible for picking up the pieces will be you OP. Only you can decide whether being there is worth it, particularly as you're using up work a/l.

We've been to two overseas wedding where (different) couples brought similar age toddlers. They both said they'd never do it again.

I've witnessed plenty of overtired, cranky toddlers and young children from other countries late at night on holidays - it's far from the truth to suggest it's just children from the UK who can't handle late nights.

Yep- I've been abroad plenty of times and it's simply not true that kids in Spain or France or Italy never get cranky in the evening - ive seen some epic meltdowns from kids who live abroad. The idea that they are a different breed is quite silly

My husband completely agrees and wants us to stay together so I’m not leaving events early or alone.

Did you read the OP? Not what the husband has said at all!!

I wouldn’t say anything. Don’t over think. Have the attitude of ‘play by ear’. They’ll be so engrossed in their day if you bow out early evening they won’t be too fussed. Make a think of it way in advance and they will be.

I personally:

1. send DH on his own (l
2. (more likely) 100% avoid boat trip. Adults partying and you have eyes on 2 kids near water surrounding you 24/7 - hell on earth? No. I would also make the decision for an early bedtime night before the wedding so they weren’t grouchy the day of. I would try the other evenings, but if I had to head off early or not go, fine too.

I had to duck out of a very dear friend's wedding when I had a six week old, and a few years later she apologised for being a bit cross about it. Until people have their own kids, they just can't process how hellish this sort of thing can be. Drop out. You won't have any fun. The kids won't have any fun. Absolutely best case, your kids will only slightly annoy the bride and groom. Worst case and they'll really ruin things (sorry, I am sure your kids are charming, but if these people don't understand that this will be awful, they def won't be cutting slack when they're stressed out of their minds in the middle of this marathon). Do Not Do This.

I'm going to add to my advice and say under no circumstances would I spend 5 evenings "celebrating" with small kids in tow as my annual holiday and family members who don't like that can just sod off. Different if you are young and have no responsibilities and you are there with lots of friends.

But you can easily put an appearance in at the bar or wherever at a time that suits you. There will be I assume cousins and other relatives to catch up with, it's not all hateful. There are often teenagers who are more than happy to help you entertain small children with colouring books and looking for special pebbles at a beach bar.

The trick is not to commit to everything and just say you'll be along. If you make a big stand now, bridezilla will just get insulted but when it comes down to it she will be having cocktails with her friends and family and won't be remotely bothered about you.

Plus small children are prone to a bit of a tummy bug. Wouldn't want to pass anything on....

Different if your husband plans to be out every night on the lash and then be grumpy as hell the next morning. I'd have little patience for such selfish behaviour.

We've always taken out kids on holiday since they were babies. At home we had a strict routine. On holiday we stayed out until midnight, had naps whenever,slept in late. All 3 adjusted really well, so it might surprise you with yours.
If it doesn't work out, then you and your husband can do your own thing, just attending the wedding where you may have grumpy, tired kids. Would the sleep in buggies?

OP I would go but the only event I’d be 100% attending is the actual wedding itself. Other than that I’d have a nice few days holiday with the DC. I’d also look into changing your accommodation. Being stuck away from everything needing to drive isn’t a holiday with small dc so I’d move to a hotel or villa close to a town and beach. That way you can put them into the buggy and go for a stroll to a playground or just to a cafe yourself. My cousin got married years ago in Ibiza and everyone had a ball but the wedding reception was in the grounds of the hotel where everyone was staying which was practically on a beach so all very family friendly as the hotel had a kids club and children’s entertainment. However your family wedding sounds far fancier than ours lol.

Except it's not a wedding, unless they're Spanish residents or it's a Catholic church ceremony..

I would do a late nap maybe even 2 naps a lunch time one and then one around 4/5pm after a substantial snack. Then they can still eat with you . Bring the buggy so they can sleep if needed at the events. I wouldn’t do a boat trip with children that age tbh not when it’s more of a party event I wouldn’t be able to relax at all but the other bits I would try and do. If it really isn’t working I would take the kids home and let my husband enjoy it as it’s his sibling. He would do the same if it was
mine. I think you just need to go into it with a positive mindset and go with the flow

Well fair enough, we always took our own baby monitors with us. My inlaws use their phones to watch LO while she sleeps, I suppose I though everyone did that

Yes, just hire a total stranger in a foreign country to look after your children 🤔 What could possibly go wrong?

And how much has this ridiculousness ended up costing you?

No one cares about anyone's wedding enough to celebrate it for 5 days, it's entitled and unrealistic. This is a couples trip, not a family one.

Yeah, everyone most definitely does not leave toddlers alone in a hotel room at night so they can go out. WTF.

I agree
it would be too stressful for me, especially the boat trip!!!
are they having a UK night do?’you can always go to that but I think it’s more hassle than it’s worth

So you all sit by your toddler's bed ? How far is too far ? I do accept the Madeline Mc Cann argument but this is just making parenting such hard work, no wonder the birthrate is dismal....