Ibiza destination wedding with evening events, how to manage with toddlers?

[ForHazelScroller]

We have a family destination wedding this summer in Ibiza. It lasts five days, and all the events — dinners, boats, the wedding itself — start in the evenings from 7pm onwards. There are no daytime activities.

It’s my sister‑in‑law’s wedding, and my husband is one of three children. We’re the only ones with small children (1.5 and 3 years old). I’ve gone along with the plans so far because we haven’t had a full schedule, but I’m starting to feel worried. The family keep saying the children will be “fine”, that everything is child‑friendly, but realistically these timings won’t work for them at all. we are staying in a villa in the hills, so will have to trave be car, and the events dont have rooms etc that I could sit with the children in if they fall asleep etc.

It’s getting awkward because I’ve tried to gently suggest that we may not manage every evening, but I also don’t want to seem unhelpful. We will definitely dip in and out where we can, and of course, we’ll be at the wedding night.

There was also a suggestion that my husband could go to the events while I stay with the children and catch up with everyone in the day. I really don’t want the week — including my annual leave — to turn into me solo‑parenting two overtired toddlers while everyone else is out. My husband completely agrees and wants us to stay together so I’m not leaving events early or alone.
I’m a people pleaser, so I feel awkward raising this, but I also don’t want the trip to be stressful for the kids or for us.

Any advice would be really appreciated.

Double buggy is your friend here, they can nap in it once they get too tired. Spanish kids run around until midnight. Don’t overthink it, will be fine

It's tricky because they're neither babes in arms or quite old enough for any independence. It doesn't sound great. You're going to give up your leave to facilitate something which you won't necessarily be able to join in with, and enjoy.
I would talk to DH again about the practicalities.

I’d also consider changing from a villa to a hotel more centrally located if you can, easier if you want to slip back

Children or no I wouldn't manage every event anyway by choice

Where abouts in Ibiza are you staying ?

Are they Ibiza residents? Or is the ceremony in a Catholic church?

If not then this 'wedding' is just a celebration and you won't be witnessing the legal event. On that basis alone I'd decline the invite, never mind for 5 days solo parenting 2 littlies.

Annual leave and ££££ just so someone can have insta pics? Nah...

Have they already paid for your villa?

Don’t worry about it! The little ones will sleep in the prams once they get tired and you ll get a chance to enjoy too :) I’ve taken mine to many destination weddings and we never had an issue. It’s just the annoying 10-15min around their bedtime that you need to step away.

FML, champagne to a two year old, arseholes, I would have lost the plot. OP, do what makes the children happy. People please the children.

Can someone explain why leaving 2 year old in a hotel room ( while in the hotel) with a video monitor is unacceptable. We hve just been away for a weekend with family the house was huge, how is a hotel different ?

A whole house means a child can come and find a parent if they need to a closed off hotel room where parents are in another place is not the same

Plus it sounds dangerous in a fire or fire alarm even a drill

Would have hated this. But practically if you go get heat spray and get them on piriton a few weeks before to back up theory systems for the heat. I took mine abroad when young and the heat really affected them.

And that was a relaxed fun holiday.

I think @TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams has given the answer. Let’s face it, young children go to family weddings in these countries every week.

When ds was the same age I’d have been strongly tempted to ask my mum if she fancied a holiday and have her on hand to take the kids on the wedding night if things weren’t working out. But my mum adored babies, toddlers, travel and hot weather and would have genuinely enjoyed herself, plus would have waved aside offers to pay for her…

I would still go if you’ve booked and paid, all go to the wedding evening and your husband can go to another event. The remaining 3 nights you spend at the villa with your husband and a bottle of wine.

you’re going to be default parent on the wedding day and on the other event he goes to, which seems fair if it’s his family (and if he would do the same for you).

We have a UK wedding in 2 weeks time and it’s only 2 hours away, but it’s a Friday, in half term with no children allowed through the day (evening they want the kids there though- figure that one out?!). I can’t get childcare in our home city and IL’s were offended I was planning to stay at home and just send DH. In hindsight I wish I’d stuck to my guns but they weren’t very upfront about all the details and I naively thought it would be something I could manage.

we’ve booked a nanny through the day for our 4.5yr and our 6m old, but I’m on standby for all breastfeeds as she won’t take a bottle. I’ll also need to find food for the older one unless I spent £30+ on hotel food for him (nope!!)

We’ve already declined a dinner the night before the wedding (after being put under lots of pressure) and I’ve recently discovered our hotel room is up 120 stone steps with no lift, and we’ve been booked in for 9:15 breakfast both mornings (whereas we are normally up at 5:30). It was booked for us by ILs. I’ve already got the hotel to amend what doesn’t suit us.

we’re just making the best of it now but as it’s DH’s brother I know I’m going to be the default for all child related things, and I’m fine with that for a couple of days. He would do the same for me.

if you’ve not paid yet- cancel and just send DH. I wish we had done this and me stay at home but it’s too late now for us.

Lots kept getting added into ours which has made it more difficult for us, so I’m annoyed family weren’t as upfront in the first place!

Make sure you know exactly what’s expected before making a final call whether to go or not. If you do go, make the best of it. Can you book an extra couple days on the end so it’s nice family time for the 4 of you?

It's interesting how some people would enjoy it and their DC would sleep in a buggy and for others it sounds like their worst nightmare.

The trip would be a flat no from me. And 5 days of celebrating a wedding?! I wouldn't go even if it was in the UK.

A PP's suggestion of spending hours in the pool to tire the DC wouldn't work for me. They are 1 and 3, it's a safety nightmare - 30 degree heat, supervision.

Honestly I wouldn't be attending at all. It sounds utterly shit.

I also absolutely love it when people say that all young children will just fall asleep in the pushchair. Trust me some do not. 5 days of dragging small children to events that don't start until 7pm sounds like a recipe for grumpy children and an even grumpier mum. Stay home and send DH alone.

I had a very similar situation when my dd was 2 - a holiday type wedding in Northern Spain. I was a solo parent so it was just the two of us. Every evening was drinks receptions, dinners etc. She had a great time, all the events were outside with plenty of space to run around. She spent every evening running around with her cousins/the other kids there. I’d give her dinner before we went, about 5pm and take plenty of snacks with me so she never went hungry. I know all kids are different and maybe not as chilled as mine but I think a lot of British parents overthink this. In Spain, Italy etc it’s normal to see kids in restaurants at 10pm. It’s just about adjusting their schedule to ensure they get enough sleep. When my dd and I were at that wedding I’d usually get her to bed between 11pm and midnight most nights and she’d sleep till about 10am, so she got the same amount of sleep as she would if I put her to bed at 7 and she woke at 5. (Although I have been told by mum friends that their kids still wake early if they go to bed late but maybe your kids will be like mine!)
I took her buggy every evening, so that she could sleep in it if she got tired, she never did though, she was having too much fun! I managed to have a few drinks and chat to everyone and had a great time too. I think not overthinking things, but at the same time, being super prepared and having everything you need for the kids will help a lot

Yes, I agree. It sounds very stressful and difficult. The opposite of a holiday, really.

For evening events we replicated what we did for evenings on holidays. A long nap during the day and then take the buggy for when they fall asleep in the evening.

@Brightbluestone I don't necessarily agree with the "over thinking". This has been said time and again. She has 2 little children and it's basically a 5 day wedding with planned events. She's understandably anxious. With 2 children - one still a baby - it's not always easy to be so chilled. The OP says they're the only children, certainly young ones. You and your daughter sound amazing, so relaxed and happy, but I think this is a challenge for the OP to be fair.

I wouldn’t even entertain attending. Aside from it sounding like ridiculous indulgent nonsense, it is not in the slightest bit suitable for such young children.

Stay at home. If DH wants to attend on his own that’s his call.

I would have said NO to a five day wedding...
Really...who wants to spend five evenings in a row with their inlaws and other people they may not know?
Plus I couldn't do two nights out in a row let alone five.
If you have to go , if be very clear your going to the wedding..the rest of the time is your family holiday, you'd love to see people a bit further days for meeting at the beach etc but your children are not being dragged out to evening events so the bride can get cute insta photos.
Can you imagine how tired they (and the OP) will be come the actual wedding evening?

I’m the person who got to experience this.

there wasn’t a video monitor.

or a phone.

it was an old French building that had rooms but no mod cons whatsoever.

they were basically suggesting locking our two year olds into a hotel room with no supervision remote or otherwise.

we declined.

There are numerous reasons! A house is different because there is only you and your family there. Most hotels abroad are huge and I bet the monitor wouldn’t reach that far.

There could also be any sort of weirdo lurking around in a hotel. What if there was a fire or some other emergency and you couldn’t get to them??

You're right, very stressful and exhausting. It's also difficult because of the heat. I know people say to avoid it, but you can't.