Oh Jesus. Just agreed to go for #3

[Thowaway]

As the title says really.

We’ve been back and forth for a year over it and have just decided to go 3 cycles of ‘try and see’ and DH will get the snip after if no joy.

It’s our last horrah… I’m 36 and he’s 40. Two DC, a DD age 5 and a DS age 3.

After all the analysis I’m feeling ready but any advice welcome!

We are also very aware it might not happen at our ages so trying to stay relaxed..

Totally!! 2-3 has been the easiest jump

I don’t think it sounds odd at all! Best of luck with it x

https://www.varta.org.au/resources/news-and-blogs/women-are-often-told-their-fertility-falls-cliff-35-right

A woman's fertility does not fall off a cliff after 35. The decline is steeper after 41 but it is generally gradual up to that point.

Much better to have become a fully-functioning adult before having a baby, even if that means it happens during your decrepit late 30's 🙄, than it is to be a child yourself giving birth to another child.

I had my third at exactly the same age as you and same age difference with older siblings . He is the most amazing adult and the most beautiful human being .His siblings love him to bits and he has always been the wise one in the family.
I conceived first cycle aged 36 .

I agree with this. The current talk about menopause, and the term perimenopause implying more than a decade of hormone-fuelled emotional instability, aren't helpful at all.

Ooh crikey! Sorry, logged off last night and went and DTD 😆 didn’t realise I’d sparked such a debate.

We may extend beyond the 3m window but that’s how we’re approaching it now. DH had a hard stop originally for 41. We would have started last summer had life worked out at planned but I had both parents in ICU 9m ago so it sort of stymied any forward thinking!

To those who asked, we struggled to conceive with DD (5) - sort of; it took 10m. DS (3) was a surprise when DD was just newly 1. And DD was a Covid baby so things were rather odd, and we never ‘decided’ on baby 2 as DS decided to come of his own accord (who tf conceives on day 25?!)

I really do want DC3, if anyone thinks I don’t, I promise I do. I’m such a logical thinker and have spent the last year thinking about how it doesn’t make sense, but I can’t rationalise a feeling. It’s only now I feel like we are in a place where we can handle it and it is a bit ‘wtf’ - feels like rolling the dice one more time which goes against my every nature.

If I’m lucky enough to get DC3 I will be over the moon. It’s just feeling like I’ve jumped off a cliff a bit! I’m sure many people feel like this when deciding to have number 2; for us, number 2 arrived of his own volition so “choosing” it - should it happen - feels a bit mad.

I’m also acutely aware pregnancy at 36 may not be like pregnancy at 30 and 32. Sort of why I posted! But I had excellent pregnancies with both kids. Horrid births but that’s one day right…?!?

@Czerwonitz thank you for your posts, I agree with each and every one of them - so refreshing to hear!

Had my first at 38 and pregnancy was totally fine (I was one of those annoying people who was not at all uncomfortable), so hopefully it’ll be a breeze for you.

36 isn’t that old to try to conceive, I don’t think you’ve left it too late!

Amen to that - finding father material is hard!

hahahaha spring chickens really :)

blimey some of the comments ! I’m having my 4 at 44 , normal conception , massive difference from my first but only 3 years from my last but 🤷🏻‍♀️ I didn’t find it harder in any way quite the opposite. Don’t let other fears stop you. It has honestly been amazing and I’m one of those people that until 10 years ago swore she would only have one child .

I have 3 and 1 and 2 were happy surprises, number 3 was planned and I was desperate for another baby. I had 2 miscarriages before having him. I suppose it’s a little strange that after 2 surprises we planned and wanted another so badly but I wanted the first 2 babies so much once I was pregnant I feel like the were planned

3rd babies are like dessert! It's busy and chaotic sometimes but you are so much more relaxed with no 3.. ours is so lovely and easy going!

Had number 3 aged 39 and I don’t regret it for a second. She is a joy and I’m so glad i’ve got to do it all over again. Go for it OP!

No it isn’t young but it isn’t geriatric and having a baby at 16 isn’t young it’s very young. 36 isn’t young or old just a normal age to have a baby. No one said 36 was young but again it certainly isn’t geriatric and to think it is is delusional (to use your own words).

You sound very fertile, 10 months is not in the ball park of difficulty conceiving.

36 is fine, I think the difficulty kicks in later with teens and menopause.

I had my first at 32 and my second at 37 with two miscarriages at 36. We decide to give ourselves 9 months to conceive number 2. I was losing my second pregnancy in 5 months when this date came up. I had hyperemesis with both pregnancies which I found hard. We agreed to try again but only for 3 more months as I didn't have more than one more loss or one more experience of hyperemesis in me. As it was I conceived 3 weeks after my miscarriage, escaped hyperemesis but developed icp and possibly hellp so I had to be induced at 37 weeks. He is now 6 months and I'm still recovering but I think that's more because of the way the pregnancy went rather than my age.

I had babies at 25, 28 and 42. Most of my friends had their first child around the age of 35. It was more tiring getting through the baby bit with the third one than with the first 2 - but then I wasn’t working when I had the first 2 and with the 3rd I was working full time in a demanding job. I don’t regret anything. I knew a lot more about life, myself, and parenting when the third child arrived than I did with the first two, that’s for sure.

But in medical terms which is now changed to advanced maternal age from geriatric is anything over 35.

I got pregnant at 39 from one shag and had a much easier pregnancy than my first at 33. My trust doesn't use the term advanced maternal age until 40+ so I just missed it.

I get it! We talked on and off for ages about no.3. Both our kids were IVF, so the way we decided was to do one more cycle and let that make the decision. It worked and I now have 3 wonderful kids! The oldest 2 were 5.5 and nearly 4 when baby 3 was born, which was acts really good gap. Go for it! Oh and I was 42 when I had the third.

This isn’t true of all areas, some NHS trusts are changing the advanced maternal age to 40.
My trust in West London is one.

A baby at 35 was a geriatric pregnancy, it isn’t being used now because maybe people found it offensive and I think the age has been put up from 35 but just because it’s much more normal now for women to have babies in their late 30s and into their 40s doesn’t mean that it’s not physically old. Having a baby at 16 is emotionally and socially very young but physically its more like the optimal age.
There was a reason they termed 35 and over as geriatric and changing societal norms doesn’t alter the biological facts

I really can't get on board with faffing about having a third I'm afraid. The planet is so overwhelmed and overpopulated already and environmental catastrophe is not far away. Water, resources, housing, education, health services are all getting worse and worse. Be content with what you have. You just don't need to do 3. Their future is pretty bleak as it is.