Oh Jesus. Just agreed to go for #3

[Thowaway]

As the title says really.

We’ve been back and forth for a year over it and have just decided to go 3 cycles of ‘try and see’ and DH will get the snip after if no joy.

It’s our last horrah… I’m 36 and he’s 40. Two DC, a DD age 5 and a DS age 3.

After all the analysis I’m feeling ready but any advice welcome!

We are also very aware it might not happen at our ages so trying to stay relaxed..

I was 36 when I had mine and never once was my pregnancy referred to as geriatric. 36 seems pretty normal nowadays. Oh and OP my DH was 52 so your DH being 40 isn't a barrier at all

Im 36 and 2 weeks post partum with healthy baby number 6. No one used the term geriatric during my pregnancy and if they did theyd know about it.

If you're not 100% excited about the idea of baby no 3, do bear in mind that multiple pregnancies (twins and more!) are more likely in older parents. Just saying...

Just because many women have children in their 30s it doesn't mean being 36 and 40 is young to be having a baby which is the comment I was replying to. Anyone who thinks that it is, is delusional. At 36 I had a 20 year old daughter now thats being a young parent not 36 and 40

It's young to be assuming they will have trouble conceiving when they have two children already. Fertility doesn't reduce that much by age 36. That's what pp meant by young, not that 36 is objectively a young parent because anyone with common sense can tell it's not.

I had my first baby at your age and didn’t consider it a last hurrah!

It doesn’t really sound like you want another from your thread title?

Why “Oh Jesus”? It’s perfectly normal to have three children. I’ve got three. It’s like saying “Oh Jesus - just agreed to have a mid-morning snack”.

It sounds like you don’t actually want a third child, so I urge you not to go ahead because if you conceive that child will remind you of what it would be like with only two and how it would ‘all be easier/cheaper/whatever’ if you’d stuck to two.

Is it your husband who wants a third?

And why did you take a year to decide to try? Now your third child will have a 4 year gap between them and the youngest child, which isn’t ideal and separates them from their siblings.

I’d think very hard about what you actually want.

Don’t have a baby if you don’t want one OP. It’s all very well your partner saying he wants another, but he doesn’t have to gestate, birth and feed them. Plus I imagine you’ll be taking on most of the domestic grunt work and mental load, and taking another big hit to your career and pension!!!

It is young when she has another 10ish years of fertility left

You clearly don’t want this baby, you just don’t want to own the choice to stop at two.

Fertility reduces significantly at 36

Just a reality check for everyone saying im wrong and 36 is young to have a baby

The slope starts

The slope starts at 30 and significantly declines at 36

A lot of women end up having to have terminations because of this sort of misguided advice

As someone whose baby number 3 turned out to be baby number 3 and 4, don’t forget about the increased risk of multiples as you get older!

Women need to listen to their drs but a dr will say exactly what I'm saying as its a medical fact. Just because more and more women are choosing to have babies later in life does not suddenly change the risks or make 36 young to have a child

But it is a normal age to have a baby

Same here, might get a bonus child lol, although i was 23 when i had my twins so there is a chance at any age your last one could become your last 2! Lol x

Well whats normal is an opinion but this all started when I was replying to someone who said 36 is young to have a baby. It absolutely is not.

Normal in terms of lifestyle and society (our culture) yes.

That doesnt mean its statistically normal in terms of fertility.

It sounds like you just don’t want to not try rather than wanting to actually have a baby ?

Some very odd and defensive reactions. I imagine if you had your first child at 31 then starting to try again at 36 does feel a bit old.

I'm envious, had my first geriatric pregnancy at 37 and another at 39. Being referred to as a geriatric was an eye opening start.

Things to bear in mind, it's energy sapping. You don't say if you had easy pregnancies, I'm assuming so as you don't. I had very straight forward pregnancies, with a full time job. It was exhausting with a toddler in tow the second time around as you simply get no downtime. You've already got two under 5 so the key question will be are you going to get a lot of support from your spouse.

I don't regret having children in my 20's and early 30's but I do regret that the outcome is perimenopause and the teen years coinciding. You will be mid to late 50's when your third child finishes uni, and your husband nearing 60. Not remotely uncommon these days but worth bearing in mind the impact this will have on family finances.

I wouldn’t do it.

You are 36 now. Think of the strain of 3 kids when you go through peri. No laughing matter even though it seems like fun and games at the minute.

I am 37. Mine are 16, 14 and 11. Don’t regret the third at all, they often slot right in but think about how you’ll feel in 10-20 years time.

Also teenagers? Not fun at all. Like I said, I don’t regret number 3 because I’m still young enough to do the daily grind of teenagers, but honestly at your current age I would stop. Two is more than enough.

I think people want desperately to normalise what they do or did but there's a big spectrum. 36 is a completely unremarkable age. There are more women over 40 giving birth these days than teenagers.