Oh Jesus. Just agreed to go for #3

[Thowaway]

As the title says really.

We’ve been back and forth for a year over it and have just decided to go 3 cycles of ‘try and see’ and DH will get the snip after if no joy.

It’s our last horrah… I’m 36 and he’s 40. Two DC, a DD age 5 and a DS age 3.

After all the analysis I’m feeling ready but any advice welcome!

We are also very aware it might not happen at our ages so trying to stay relaxed..

@Czerwonitz

It is unremarkable, but I do think women should give a little bit more thought to their peri years.

Im 37 and still feel young and capable. I could cope with a newborn obviously. Do I really want to be dealing with my third and final teenager at the age of 50 and most likely menopausal.

I understand if it’s your first/second baby at 36/37 because if you want a family then it is what it is. I would think twice if I was the OP though. She does already have two. I do think women don’t give menopause a second thought at 36/37.

I also think the media always 'blame' the women for wanting to pursue that pesky career, when in fact not everyone gets married at 22 and then just waits around. In fact having to find a half decent man is a struggle and can take women into their 30/40's.

I think menopause is no big deal for some (many?) women and the Current Thing about it does nobody any good.

Speaking for myself I've felt calmer since I hit 40 than I have since I was 8.

Sounds crazy to me, but you do what pleases you.

There’s a biological ‘age” and a societal norm. Biologically , the younger you are the better but we dont generally encourage 16 year olds to have babies. Similarly 36 is no longer old to be having even a first child , but your body thinks you should have had one by now!

Of course it’s a normal age to have a baby, but it’s not a young age to have a baby. They are two different things.

I get the impression that having 3 children is hard work, and the fact that you’ve been deliberating over it for a year and only want to give it 3 cycles before removing the option altogether via vasectomy, gives the impression that it’s not something you really, really want.

Think carefully OP.

Bringing a third child into a settled and stable family unit is a huge decision so don’t do it unless it something you both feel very passionate about.

@Czerwonitz

What do you mean the current thing? It’s a good thing that women speak about menopause more. I’m 37, humble enough to not truly know how I’ll react to it.

Plenty of women have first babies at 36/37. Unremarkable. I do think having a third at that age is pushing it a bit in regards to the increased load you will face, during a potentially difficult time in a woman’s life.

@Czerwonitz

With all due respect you are 40. A brilliant age for a woman to come into her own, before meno hits. You’re not there yet.

According to MN at the moment, peri menopause hits some time in your mid to late thirties and lasts for the best part of twenty years before you go through the actual menopause. I mean, on that logic and knowing that according to MN no one would have teens and be menopausal / in peri menopause, we’d all have to have completed our families by around age 20. But MN also scorn teen mums, so …

The Current Thing is a term referring to the current fad (peri is a top example).

Menopause is a nothing for some women - many humans are sadly very biddable so will experience psychosomatic illness thanks to the social contagion.

(I don't really believe in peri I think it's a label)

@Revoltingpheasants

Well, I don’t agree with that personally.

If you go by the stats, women enter peri at around the age of 44-46, and it’s usually done and dusted by 51.

It obviously varies. My mum had her last period at 60 but she was an outlier.

Now I am not saying women should live like that or in fear, but if you already have two kids by 36 it may just be food for thought.

@Czerwonitz

Whilst I am a firm believer in psychosomatic manifestations, I’m still humble enough to say “let’s wait and see” 😂🤦‍♀️.

I think a lot of stress piles up in mid life and can certainly mimic peri symptoms, but I wouldn’t like to state that as fact.

Some of these replies are so weird. 36 is a completely normal age to have a baby, particularly a third. In fact both DM and DMIL had 3rd children in the 90s at 36 as did various Aunts. And it wasn't seen as hugely old then. Also a 4 year age gap is pretty normal as well. I've met loads of people with one.

It's a bit weird to only give it 3 cycles OP as you know it could take longer than that easily but otherwise crack on if you do indeed want a third.

I'm jealous as I had my second at 37 and would love a third but I'd be 39 plus and DH would be 42 plus and he's decided that is too old for him!

It's just another version of "must be her time of the month eh lads eh eh eh" except it covers a decade.

Thanks though influencers for trying to undermine all female dignity past the age of 35 it's not like we need to be legitimately boundary setting about anything

@Czerwonitz

I don’t relate. I see women trying to help and advise other women. Any man who said that to me is very unlikely to be in my life.

Three kids is a lot, for anyone at any age really. I don’t think the denial or the minimisation of peri/meno is helpful really. It’s just another thing to perhaps consider, if you already had two kids.

I would read it as they would like to have another baby, but don't want it taking over / ttc heartbreak. So they have put a time on it.

Ok but try telling these helpful women that you feel fine and at the top of your power
... They don't love this news

Why do it that way ? Life is not that way , I’ve conceived my 2 fast and my 3 rd come after a couple of miscarriages . Give yourself time to properly try .
3 kids is amazing , 4 is amazing too . Nothing to fear imo . Pity no more people do it

@Czerwonitz

but surely that’s great for them if they feel good. It’s obvious that not every woman will suffer. I think you need some new associates or mates, because they don’t sound like good ones to me.

I think you are confused (peri??). I don't know anyone who really believes in it. Fine attention for Davina McCall or whatever.

@Czerwonitz

Well. I do believe other women’s experiences.

Good or bad in regards to peri and meno. I don’t dismiss or minimise women’s health. We will have to agree to disagree. I respect that you think it’s psychosomatic. Perhaps it is.

I think I’ll prefer to stay humble thanks. At 40, you’re not there yet.

I think its hardest to go from none to 1, and then 2. By the 3rd people say you have already mastered multiple kids. And yours will already be at school.
So - if you do get pregnant, and everything goes well - you will be fine!

Are you only trying 3 cycles because you are not really sure?
36 is not old at all. Plenty of people have their 1st one around that age and go on to have more.

Good luck