Finding it unmanageable with 3 kids

[ForRoseLemur]

I’m not sure why I’m posting this, maybe I feel like I will feel better if I write it down. I have 3 boys, 6, 3 and 18 months and I’m just finding it such hard work.

I work 4 days a week but my work is flexible so it means I end up working most evenings to make up the time I couldn’t do in the day after I’ve picked the kids up from school / nursery, done dinner bath bed etc which takes hours. My husband works away and is usually away on the weekends. My eldest is in school, middle at nursery 3.5 days and youngest 2.5 days. My husband usually has youngest when jm
working the day he’s not at nursery. I’m usually a very just get on with it kind of person but recently I’ve been finding myself getting really tearful, to the point I’ve broken down on the phone to friends which is very unlike me, and just generally having this feeling of overwhelm and like I can’t do it.

I feel like I have no time to myself, and we don’t really have any family support as my parents travel and are out of the country most of the time. Also I know they have made comments about - why did we have 3 kids (despite them having 3 themselves) and they make no effort with my youngest which just makes me feel worse. He just seems like an inconvenience to them. I don’t know whether it’s worth raising this with them not.

I have this feeling like it’s my fault for having 3 kids, I feel like I knew this at the time and if I’m completely honest I actually do regret it. Which I feel absolutely awful about. It doesn’t help that my youngest is hard work, he always has been since having colic as a baby and he’s always ill.

I just feel like I have no time at all, I’m always chasing my tail, the house is always a mess and I’m lucky if I get to watch an hour of TV a week. I just feel a bit resentful and alone. When my husband is here he’s incredible and very hands on, but it’s bloody hard work when he’s not.

I don’t know what I’m hoping for here - does it get better?!

You actually need childcare for slightly more than you work. IE if you do 4 X 8 hour days, you need nursery for 40 hours to cover drop off/pick up and the chance to do a bit of maintenance around the house/batch cook or whatever. Don’t feel guilty about it! Do your kids not get the 30 subsidised hours?

He WORKS.
The OP stated they need his salary.
Surprise surprise, a choice to have three children turned up hard work.

Yes something like this would be ideal, I’ve had a look locally but can’t seem to find anything like this, but have had a nanny recommended to me by a friend who is looking for a few extra hours. She’s pretty expensive, but at this point I think I might have to just bite the bullet. I could do with some help on the weekends, just to break it up a bit and mean I can actually get things done!

I think working four days, childcare for 2.5 and three kids is a bit insane tbh. Do you need the income from your job? Can you afford to buy in help. Xx

Have you asked nursery? Our nursery staff do extra hours in the evening & it’s really handy as they know our kids really well. We are in Cheshire and they only charge £10ph for 2 children which is insanely cheap in my opinion. We lived in East Sussex until last year and it was £12 for 2 children down there with the nursery girls which is still amazing value but we did also often give them lifts to & from our house as none of them had cars.

I echo the getting help - doesn't need to be qualified super expensive help - particularly at weekends when you're solo. My friends have two kids and I help them one evening and one weekend day a week. I'm basically an extra pair of hands, I do things like blitz a load of washing up and clean the kitchen, cook dinner, help with targeted tidying jobs like sorting through stuff to donate to charity shops, play with the kids, take them to the park or out for an hour or two to give people a break. If you don't have someone like me willing to do this for free (I admit it's an unusual setup!) then you can find someone to pay - either a "mother's help" type person more aimed at the cooking and tidying jobs, or a teenager/student probably more aimed at playing with the kids. It's the sort of thing a more traditional au pair may have been able to help with, the light household jobs and babysitting like an older teenage child of the family can do, but they're hard to come by these days.

Do it.
Book the nanny for several hours a week.
Maybe for 6 months maybe a year.
It will make a difference.