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Original poster

Finding it unmanageable with 3 kids

107 replies

ForRoseLemur · 13/02/2026 21:11

I’m not sure why I’m posting this, maybe I feel like I will feel better if I write it down. I have 3 boys, 6, 3 and 18 months and I’m just finding it such hard work.

I work 4 days a week but my work is flexible so it means I end up working most evenings to make up the time I couldn’t do in the day after I’ve picked the kids up from school / nursery, done dinner bath bed etc which takes hours. My husband works away and is usually away on the weekends. My eldest is in school, middle at nursery 3.5 days and youngest 2.5 days. My husband usually has youngest when jm
working the day he’s not at nursery. I’m usually a very just get on with it kind of person but recently I’ve been finding myself getting really tearful, to the point I’ve broken down on the phone to friends which is very unlike me, and just generally having this feeling of overwhelm and like I can’t do it.

I feel like I have no time to myself, and we don’t really have any family support as my parents travel and are out of the country most of the time. Also I know they have made comments about - why did we have 3 kids (despite them having 3 themselves) and they make no effort with my youngest which just makes me feel worse. He just seems like an inconvenience to them. I don’t know whether it’s worth raising this with them not.

I have this feeling like it’s my fault for having 3 kids, I feel like I knew this at the time and if I’m completely honest I actually do regret it. Which I feel absolutely awful about. It doesn’t help that my youngest is hard work, he always has been since having colic as a baby and he’s always ill.

I just feel like I have no time at all, I’m always chasing my tail, the house is always a mess and I’m lucky if I get to watch an hour of TV a week. I just feel a bit resentful and alone. When my husband is here he’s incredible and very hands on, but it’s bloody hard work when he’s not.

I don’t know what I’m hoping for here - does it get better?!

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Pandorea · 13/02/2026 22:23

I have 3 with those age gaps. They are young adults now and they are a joy. It was so hard though when they were at the ages yours are - probably the hardest it ever was because the little ones were just destructive whirlwinds and too young to be reasoned with. It will get easier but totally agree you need childcare for your working hours. Ideally you’d get some childcare to allow you some downtime as well. It’s too much to do most weekends by yourself as well as all week.
Could you hire a teenager to help babysit a bit during the weekends - even if it’s just to play with them while you’re also around - but maybe to get a bit more headspace? It’s such a lot to manage.

Original poster
ForRoseLemur · 13/02/2026 22:26

Thank you so much. Yes I think it’s the weekends which are tipping me over the edge. It’s managing everything all week and then all weekend alone with the kids whilst everyone else is with their other halves and families. That is a good idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
ForRoseLemur · 13/02/2026 22:29

Itisallastruggle · 13/02/2026 22:17

I mean this kindly but I don’t think it is possible to have it all. By that, I’m not just talking about you working and parenting but that both you and DH work a lot, you have little help, your DH works away and leaves you to parent alone a lot, you love your job and don’t want to downgrade, you want to keep a house that is tidy and clean, you want to be a good parent, you want to pick your kids up from school and avoid them being in childcare, you have both chosen a life with high outgoings which don’t facilitate paying for help.

Something has to give or you will kill yourself trying to be perfect at it all. Balls will be dropped and you probably won’t like to see that happening but there’s only so much two people can do.

Either you need less work, your DH needs less work or a job where he can be at home more, you need lower outgoings (which may facilitate changes in jobs for one or both of you) or you need more paid help. You cannot be doing all the school runs if you want to climb the career ladder and nor could your DH. Only you can decide which compromises you will make as a family but if you continue as you are, you’ll spend so many years looking forward and rushing through life.

Maybe sit down with your DH and explain how you feel. Work out what is important for you as a couple and how you can support each other. I don’t think anyone can give you an answer to this as it’s really down to what makes you both happy. No one can suggest ways of creating more hours in a day (sadly).

I think this is the problem I’m trying to have it all, which clearly isn’t possible! Maybe the reason I’m thinking what’s wrong with me. Thank you

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cestlavielife · 13/02/2026 22:32

Pay for more help.

GoingCrazy643 · 13/02/2026 22:48

With kindness, @Itisallastruggle is totally right. You are trying to be superwoman and it's not possible. One of you has to work less or, preferably, you hire a nanny. I would cut back loads on other stuff to afford a nanny.

user4534 · 13/02/2026 23:05

Rainraingoawaydontcomeback · 13/02/2026 21:18

You’re working 4 days but only have childcare for 2.5 days. This is why it feels impossible.

Yeah this tbh

JustGiveMeReason · 13/02/2026 23:36

icecreaminspain · 13/02/2026 22:05

She’s explained clearly enough, so I don’t know why it’s confusing. I’m not meaning that belligerently; I genuinely can’t see what’s confusing about the fact that the OP works for four days but flexibly, so makes up the one and a half days when she can.

Some jobs are fixed in terms of hours but plenty aren’t.

Because the OP says her dh works away a lot, so she is parenting solo for days on end sometimes. So all the 'stuff' (cooking, cleaning, baths and bedtime, shopping, literally feeding them at that age, clearing the table, washing up, getting clothes out for the next day for all 4 of them, filling up the changing bag, laundry, dealing with whatever things come home from school, answering party invitations, getting a present, wrapping it, sewing a button back on, let alone dealing with things that happen like appliances breaking or getting the car puncture fixed, or changing a light bulb) falls to OP to do outside of her working hours.
If she is already working (ie doing her paid job) 'outside of her working hours' (or working flexibly as you put it), because she is doing childcare in what would normally be seen as working hours, then when do you think she is able to do all the other stuff that needs doing when running a household with a baby a toddler and a small child, single handed for large parts of the week ?

The minimum childcare hours you need is the number of hours you are being paid for - whether that is OP's dh on that one day a week, or a Grandparent, or paid childcare. She is currently aiming for the impossible.

Original poster
ForRoseLemur · 14/02/2026 00:21

JustGiveMeReason · 13/02/2026 23:36

Because the OP says her dh works away a lot, so she is parenting solo for days on end sometimes. So all the 'stuff' (cooking, cleaning, baths and bedtime, shopping, literally feeding them at that age, clearing the table, washing up, getting clothes out for the next day for all 4 of them, filling up the changing bag, laundry, dealing with whatever things come home from school, answering party invitations, getting a present, wrapping it, sewing a button back on, let alone dealing with things that happen like appliances breaking or getting the car puncture fixed, or changing a light bulb) falls to OP to do outside of her working hours.
If she is already working (ie doing her paid job) 'outside of her working hours' (or working flexibly as you put it), because she is doing childcare in what would normally be seen as working hours, then when do you think she is able to do all the other stuff that needs doing when running a household with a baby a toddler and a small child, single handed for large parts of the week ?

The minimum childcare hours you need is the number of hours you are being paid for - whether that is OP's dh on that one day a week, or a Grandparent, or paid childcare. She is currently aiming for the impossible.

Show quote history

It’s crazy, because when you put it like that I can clearly see it’s an impossible task. For some reason I seem to diminish the tasks of running the household in my head, like I don’t realise that they are actually important jobs that I’m doing as well, which take up a lot of a time and are clearly invaluable. I do a lot more than DH in that respect, all the laundry, lunches for the week, meal planning, setting out clothes for the next day etc. It’s like the invisible labour.

OP posts:
Morepositivemum · 14/02/2026 00:27

Op it’s their ages, your work, your childcare arrangements. Sit down and look at what can be done with each (not telling you to quit job which must be tempting!!!). Also I agree with all the ‘it gets easier’ people- the ages are horrific!!!

Coffeeandbooks88 · 14/02/2026 00:27

When does he actually see his children? You might as well be a single parent.

Lady1576 · 14/02/2026 00:36

Feels like hard work because it bloody is! There are loads of elements to your daily life that I would find impossible. Working in the evenings because you‘ve been busy all day with the kids. Not enough childcare. Solo parenting 3 boys across lively ages. I have two gorgeous boys 6&4 and they feel like an assault on the senses at times. Let alone with a toddler in the mix. You are running yourself ragged so no wonder you are exhausted. Easier said than done, but look at changing one thing. More childcare so you can actually do your paid work during the day? Or cut black on work if you can find a way to afford it. Or your husband finds a job that means you‘re not carrying the household by yourself. If you have a breakdown, you‘ll be no good to anyone so do what you need to, to ensure your survival.

Lady1576 · 14/02/2026 00:37

ShetlandishMum · 13/02/2026 21:27

You need nursery hours according to your work hours.
You need a cleaner.
Your husband should find a job not working away with 3 young children.

Yeah this!

canuckup · 14/02/2026 00:39

Surprise surprise, hubby away at the weekend when it's all hands on deck

😂

What the fuck with these men

canuckup · 14/02/2026 00:40

It's not like the invisible labour, it is

canuckup · 14/02/2026 00:42

NB. Do not cut back on your hours at work to accommodate him.

LoftyAmberLion · 14/02/2026 00:49

You are doing far too much OP! With far too little
support! Working 4 full days?!! Something has got to give and that thing is probably work. Cut your hours asap.

LoftyAmberLion · 14/02/2026 00:51

You are not superwoman and you need to stop trying to be before you have a breakdown.

BoxOfCats · 14/02/2026 05:41

When was he last time you did a through review of your budget? The most obvious solution is to throw more money at the situation (eg more childcare). With you Boh being so busy have you actually properly looked to your outgoings recently?

BoxOfCats · 14/02/2026 05:47

*both

movinghomeadvice · 14/02/2026 05:49

OP, I have 3 DC aged 7, 3, and 18 months. I work full time as a teacher. I live abroad so absolutely no family support. I make it work by:

  • DH working very flexibly and he is home all the time. NO WAY could I ever survive with him being gone. I have no idea how you manage this.
  • all 3 of my DC are in full time childcare or school. Youngest is in nursery 5 days. I refuse to feel guilty about this.
  • I have 1 friend and no life outside work and family. I manage a workout a few times a week.
  • I don’t have a cleaner or any domestic support.

I am in the process of moving back to my home country because I’m sick of it! My parents are keen to help with the DC, and it’s not longer fun or edifying living abroad.

Im not sure if you’re asking for advice or just wanting to vent, but my advice to you would be:

  • increase the childcare and DO NOT feel guilty about it
  • have a serious discussion with your DH about his working hours

It will get easier.

LadyPene · 14/02/2026 05:51

I just wanted to add whilst the physicality of looking after the kids gets easier (that age really is a drudge of feed, clean, sleep repeat) other aspects don't. It gets harder to make up working hours as bedtimes get later. The kids need you for a different set of things. You have to have a better match between childcare and working hours.

PinkPomeloFruit · 14/02/2026 05:53

This is unsustainable and not surprised you’re fed up. Is your husband looking for a more family friendly role?

IveStillNotGotThisFiguredOut · 14/02/2026 05:59

What you are describing is tough.
It does get better.
I’d be (and did) give up some of the high outgoings to have DH around more. Or nursery for all 3 children to 6pm 3 days a week.

CeciliaMars · 14/02/2026 06:09

It’s not just that you have 3 kids. You have 3 young kids, work 4 days, have a partner that works away and almost no support. This would be unmanageable for everyone. Something needs to change and seeing as you can’t give a kid back or magic up family support, it’s going to have to be either you or your husband’s job that changes surely?

GreenSalon · 14/02/2026 06:32

It isn’t really sustainable or something will give and you don’t want that to be your wellbeing and mental health. I really feel for you. You must be so TIRED!

I was in your position with 3 ds similar age gaps and working full time in a job I loved with DH away Monday, back Friday. The difference is I did have some parental support and full time childcare. I was exhausted! And resented the fact that everyone’s solution was me to give up my career. But I was uncharacteristically bursting into tears at work (and once in Tesco!) as I was just juggling too much. And I’m known as an incredibly organised and capable person so in my head I think I could make it work if I “ just” made more effort,

However, in the end and due to the loss of a close friend, we decided life was too short to live like we were especially realising the main issue was DH and I spending too much time apart and him not seeing his children enough. So, we moved to where his job was/is. Ironically meant me giving my job up anyway. But it was a joint responsibility to find a solution- I had been trying to do that solution finding on my own.

Might be too radical for you or not possible so not suggesting that is your solution. And I lost my entire support network too but in the end for me, it was about DH being able to parent as much as I was. It was a huge wrench though and a giant leap into the unknown. 10 years later I’m so glad we did it and actually have built a lovely life elsewhere and I picked up my career a few months in and it’s been great.

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