How do Mums cope with cleaning the house with two young children?! I feel so deflated and exhausted.

[Biosblbay]

So I am currently on maternity leave but I go back to work full time mid March and I am freaking out! I don’t even have time to get house work done being off work, let alone being at work!
I have a 3 year old and a 7 month old. My typical day is wake up which is usually 6:30am, get my 3 year old ready for school and do breakfast, feed baby, do lunch for my 3 year old, feed the dogs, then my husband takes him school at 8:30 before he starts work. By this time the kitchen is a mess, living room is a mess, beds to be made, bottles to wash, dishwasher to unload, laundry to be done, by the time I have done these basics my baby would have woken up from her first morning nap and she would then need a nappy change, entertaining and feeding and then keeping her upright for half hour to let her food go down, then she would be ready for another nap at around 1pm. During her second nap I get about an hour to do something which is usually doing my lunch which then results in a messy kitchen again, I then get about half hour after lunch to do something else before she wakes up, but there’s honestly 101 things to be done, this even includes deciding if I can have a shower and wash my hair!. Then I have to collect my son between 3 and 3:30, which then I have 2 children to feed, bath every other day, kitchen is a mess again after doing dinner, bedtime routine. My son goes to bed at 6:30/7pm most nights but my baby would have a late afternoon nap and then be up from about 6 until 9pm, so I don’t even get evenings to do much (my husband works long hours so doesn’t usually get home until 8pm on average and travels a lot for work too) so a lot of evenings I tend to do most of it myself including dinner for me and my husband. But come 9pm when both kids are asleep I am too exhausted to do anything!

HOW on earth do I find the time to clean the bathroom, polish, Hoover, mop floors (I have dogs so it gets dirty quick!), look after myself when I go back to work?! I just don’t understand how people do it. I hate the idea of using every weekend to clean the house and get on top of everything. That to me is family time and we do go out a lot on weekends with the kids or we see family, we always have plans.

I know I could get a cleaner but I couldn’t afford one every day, maybe only once every 2 weeks. I seem to just have the time to do the living room and kitchen and I don’t get time to do any of the other rooms. I am struggling for sure. I sometimes get so overwhelmed with the amount I need to do that I end up staring into space for about 15 minutes stressing about what to do first and where to start!

I would love to know how mums cope with cleaning, especially full time working mums, it baffles me and I feel stressed thinking about it. The closer I am getting to starting work the more stressed I am feeling

There is probably a really simple answer here and It probably doesn’t help that my house is currently a mess due to moving all the bedroom around and a lot of stuff still only half done, but I just feel that a little tidy house is a tidy mind and having a tidy and clean home really does make a huge difference but I just can’t seem to get on top of it ever!!!

would love some tips, ideas, to know other people might be going through the same, how to cope etc…. Hoping for mostly positivity and no nasty responses from people 🩷 thank you x

You’re doing fine op, it’s a hectic season and it’s ok that the house has gone down the priority list. Make a list of all the jobs that are rattling round your head. Then pick out what is absolutely essential and prioritise them, delegate or drop the rest for now.

essential every day:
everyone is loved and fed (including yourself)
You need easy meals, quick kitchen tidy at the end of the day most days (no one will die if you leave dishes till the next day sometimes)
make sure clothes are washed and dried, a load most days will keep things ticking over. If you can’t put it all away until the weekend it will be fine even if it’s untidy.
keep the toilet clean, wipe the sink and mirror most days. Giving yourself permission not to need a full bathroom deep clean every time honestly makes it easier to keep on top of.

having less stuff will help but kids have a lot of stuff so don’t put pressure on yourself to declutter and organise everywhere right now. It will come in time.

Good enough is fine, know that as the kids grow they need you less and you will have time for a lovely house again. Try to switch up your self talk and recognise how hard you’re working already, you deserve grace and to allow yourself to rest, you’re not lazy you’re a new mum to two young kids!

It’s a nightmare to keep on top of! 4 kids here and both work as teachers, we did have a cleaner for 2 hours weekly before number 4 was born. On mat leave now and we lost our cleaner in Sept. I’ve tried to keep on top of things but I’ve just caved and about to hire a new cleaner.

I justify cost of cleaner by doing an hour of tutoring weekly as that covers 3 hours of cleaning. So saves me 2 hours of my time (but in theory more because I’m not as efficient as cleaner). Anything you can do to earn back the cost of a cleaner in less time than it would take you to clean?

Practical advice if cleaner is not an option…

• tag team relays, me and my husband challenge each other as to how much we can do in 15 minute intervals. Set a timer and the other person is on kid duty. Then swap and repeat.
• Tidy as you go, when moving between rooms/floors quickly scan is there anything to take with you. Helps stop build up of clutter and efficient compared to doing a separate trip when you eventually need to move something.
• do small jobs in short time periods, got a spare 5 minutes then challenge yourself to hoover somewhere or clean a toilet in that short interval. Set a timer.

Lower your standards or get a cleaner to come.

I have 2 young children and whilst I manage to keep the kitchen tidy and the living room tidy when the 4 year old isn't here (at school or in bed) the rest of the house does suffer. We have a cleaner come weekly and do the big clean including; mop floors, hoover whole house, clean bathrooms, dust round. Otherwise my house would always look like it is inhabited by raccoons.

I do have a friend whose house is pretty much immaculate all the time with small children at home, she however does not allow toys downstairs, has absolute minimal toys to start with (she is incredibly ruthless with donating and rehoming toys -even recent birthday gifts), absolutely no craft/ slime or messy play allowed at her house. Food is only allowed to be consumed at the kitchen table and she refused to baby led wean because of the mess. Everything is incredibly minimal. She cleans for hours every day but she has very easy going, calm children who are not allowed to take toys out their room and can only play with their toys in their rooms. Imo it's a pretty miserable life for the children but her house is so clean and organised.

Honestly, you are not wrong to be finding it too much!!

I got a cleaner even before I had my 2nd child.

This surprises me! If you have a well behaved dishwasher it does the drying too. Eg it goes v hot and then it steams off to dry dishes. I can unload our full dishwasher in less than 2 mins flat as everything is grouped together eg all the big plates.

also never has left bits on. I think that sounds faulty? So we doesn’t dry anything or wash it up again.

Also, when you are at work, there isn't anyone in the house messing it up all day (this helps). And yes, you will have to BOTH do some at the weekends - it's not just your job. Do everything as you go. Both of you.

Why are you comparing yourself with some social media person? Mrs Hinch is a construct, a marketing tactic, she's not depicting her real life. As far as I'm aware she also has a husband who doesn't work so he presumably does things at home and does childcare. She's absolutely bound to have a cleaner/housekeeper too but it would ruin her to admit that.

It would probably help you to get off social media, not only because of unrealistic comparisons but also the time which is wasted looking at it. I bet you spend a lot more time looking at at than you realise.

With young children you simply lower your standards and have a messier house. Clean for hygiene so do kitchen and bathroom, but don't bother polishing or dusting. Hoover and mop less, it doesn't matter. And do it at weekends with your husband, take turns to look after the children, it would be done in a short time if you shared the load and you'd still have plenty of time to go out and about.

Stop following Mrs Hinch stat. And any other cleaning wannabes. Social media of this kind engenders comparisons and negative thought spirals. Go watch some funny cat videos to reset your algorithm.

Seriously, your self worth should not be based on the state of your kitchen floor.

Exactly that. And tbh, laying aside the fact that cleaning 24/7 is very lucrative for her, I'd say that the level of hygiene/cleaning that Mrs Hinch espouses is obsessive and mentally not very healthy.

Children need exposure to everyday dirt/bacteria in order to build a healthy, robust immune system. That's why children who play outside/in nature and have pets in the home have better gut health than those that don't (having good gut health is the cornerstone of having a strong immune system).

Unless there is someone in the home who is immunocompromised, or you're about to perform surgery there, sterile home environments aren't necessary, or even healthy.

I cook from scratch and find the kitchen can get messy quickly until I learnt the cake of having two bowls near me. One for wrappers to go straight into one for food waste / peeling etc. then once all the prep is done it’s a swift straight into the relevant bin. Empty bins every day and run the dishwasher every day whether full or not. I’m not a naturally tidy person but these two things make a big difference. Also I have dogs get a robot hoover that also mops - game changer.

A one hour blast around the house is what I live by! 😂 I have a 7 month old and a two year old who has nursery three days a week and I earmark my baby’s morning nap on a Thursday to do it (just finished it now and even had time for a coffee after 😀)

Massively agree with tidy as you go, put things away and in their proper place instead of just putting them down somewhere, definitely helps with keeping the tidying under control.

OP do you have a timer function on your washing machine? We set ours to come on at 4am so it’s ready to hang up/put in the dryer first thing and stops it taking allllll day to do.

And yes I agree again about keeping lunch as mess free as possible, just pop everything straight on your plate!

Those poor children. How awful to restrict their play like that, they're missing out, all for the sake of their mother wanting an immaculate house. I wonder why people like that even want to have children.

I tend to disagree that you have to lower standards when you have young children. But I really struggle mentally with an untidy or unclean house so for me the advice, although well-meaning, to lower my standards isn't actually helpful as I would just feel worse and more overstimulated and overwhelmed! I'm not sure if you feel that way too.

For us, we try to clean and tidy as we go as best as we can. I am a stay at home parent of 4 young children. 2 are now in school and 2 go to nursery a couple of days a week but there have been points I have had either 3 or 4 at home and obviously at weekends they are all there and it is absolutely far more difficult then to keep the house clean and tidy and it can often feel entirely pointless as they go round like whirlwinds! I do hoover every day often multiple times but it's more spot cleaning with the stick hoover for crumbs etc and then downstairs carpets are properly hoovered every evening. Upstairs carpets every 2 or 3 days. We have hard flooring from the front door to the kitchen at the back of the house and with several young children we find the hall and kitchen need mopped every few days but kore if there are obviously dirty marks. This is just some dettol and a quick mop though. If I see something needing cleaned like a dirty mark on a wall, grubby door handle or light switch I try not to just leave it. Worktops, dining table, hob etc get wiped after every meal time. Toilet bowls get cleaned every day and any splashes etc from boys cleaned off the seats. Taps and sinks wiped of toothpaste and soap. Shower/bath rinsed after use. The bathrooms, other surfaces like side tables, shelves, windowsills, skirting and all that get a proper clean every 2 weeks. Windows get cleaned inside whenever. Not often really. Usually when it's sunny and I realise how many tiny handprints are on them. Tbh I never, ever iron unless it is a special occasion or school photo day. Beds are made almost as soon as they are vacated. My 6 year old daughter has started trying to make them when people are in still in them because she likes doing it and it gets her moved up the reward chart 😂 Also it sounds like a cheesy phrase but I try to remember "Don't put it down, put it away" so stuff doesn't just get left lying around everywhere because it very quickly can feel cluttered and messy.

We also try not to leave the house untidy or dirty before we go out so we come home to a fairly neat and clean environment. This usually means flinging toys and whatever else away and running the hoover round quickly.

I also make sure I get showered and ready before my husband leaves in the morning and he respects that he has to chip in before leaving for the day (and after work/on weekends) even if that means he has to get up earlier. I understand this may not work for everyone but a lot of men absolutely could make more effort.

Could you rehome your dogs, OP? To make life easier for yourself as it sounds like they are creating extra work for you that you don’t need

It’s tough for the first couple of years but gets easier. Plus if the children are not home all the day the mess isn’t as bad.

when the children are older - they help with tidy up. They play while you get stuff done.

but and big but the first year back to work with two small children is brutal.

It's really hard. Well, not for everyone but it is for me and many others. Getting in to the routine of making beds as soon as I get up has helped me. I've recently bought a robot hoover which is amazing! I come home from work to clean floors then it goes round again whilst I'm putting DC to bed. Quick wipe around in the bathroom whilst DCs in the bath. Load the washing machine at night then switch it on when I get up. Get it out to dry after work. I buy clothes that look like they won't need ironing, simple meals on work days, precut veg. Just look for quick wins and short cuts wherever you can. You may need to lower your standards too. I don't have time to wash the pots after breakfast, they get done after work but if it's something like porridge I will leave the pots soaking.

”doing my lunch which then results in a messy kitchen again “

there is something off about this - you have a dishwasher and a quick wipe of a surface takes 10 seconds and could be done whilst eating your buttie. Sounds like a deeper problem here - probably exhaustion or depression.

For the first - just stop. A slightly messy kitchen never killed anyone. Perhaps talk to your health visitor.

big house clean happens at the weekends when your husband is home. And takes a couple of hours at most. Not all weekend. Just a focused blitz. You talk about staring into space overwhelmed for 15 minutes - that’s the bathroom cleaned and floors vacuumed. But it’s all got too much for you - and looking after two kids single handed through the week is hard.

@itsthetea

no one can clean bathroom and hoover all the floors in 15 mins

Its not faulty, the bottom bit is nearly always dry but things with rims or hollow bits in it hold the water, as you pick it up, it then wets everything else, it infuriates me. We are in an exceptionally hard water area, we use all the right salts and rinse aid and tablets but there is always something that comes out grubby, its not a miracle worker and doesnt do as well as handwashing in my view.

Plastic tupperware with lots of seals and rims also hold water in them, the top rack nearly always has some water sitting on top of mugs at the top.

This is also what Ive found staying in holiday cottages as well so I know its not just ours. OH ignores it and puts things in the cupboard with dribbles on which I hate, I am fastidious about things being dry.

just seen your comment about a cottage with steps - just put the robot hoover in a room when it’s done pick it up and stick in another room or to charge and repeat - still far far easier than shoving a hoover round

Don't compare yourself to instagram - its nit real. Cleanfluencers have help too x

@likelysuspect Why are you fastidious about things being dry? They'll dry in the cupboard (and will likely be used and wet again within a few hours, anyway).

Not being fastidious (about anything) makes life a hell of a lot easier.

Cleaning her house IS her job.

Well, to be fair Im only fastidious about this, I dont like the thought that they're sitting there damp in a closed cupboard. Im amazed that people would put away wet or damp things, my point was (not really about my preference) it was about the dishwasher doesnt dry thoroughly

But I was also thinking about this thread while upstairs, Ive just 'cleaned the bathroom' to my standards, I didnt do anything after my shower, I dont clean or wipe it down, but I did wipe some marks off the loo with some loo paper (we dont have a brush), sprayed some spray down the bowl, then later 'cleaned the sink' by swishing water round it while brushing my teeth, wipe the tap clear of any toothbrush spots. Thats it. The cleaner will do it with products when she comes weekly but I dont see the need to do more than this

Very occasionally I might wipe the sink round with some loo paper or an antibacterial wipe. Thats all

I dont know what people are doing when they go on about 'cleaning' all the time.

Get a cleaner. Can your husband do more? Mine will empty the dishwasher and put a load of laundry on while I get the baby up. Then he drops off the 2yo on his way to work. Breakfast is always overnight oats so no straight on the table in the morning.