How do Mums cope with cleaning the house with two young children?! I feel so deflated and exhausted.

[Biosblbay]

So I am currently on maternity leave but I go back to work full time mid March and I am freaking out! I don’t even have time to get house work done being off work, let alone being at work!
I have a 3 year old and a 7 month old. My typical day is wake up which is usually 6:30am, get my 3 year old ready for school and do breakfast, feed baby, do lunch for my 3 year old, feed the dogs, then my husband takes him school at 8:30 before he starts work. By this time the kitchen is a mess, living room is a mess, beds to be made, bottles to wash, dishwasher to unload, laundry to be done, by the time I have done these basics my baby would have woken up from her first morning nap and she would then need a nappy change, entertaining and feeding and then keeping her upright for half hour to let her food go down, then she would be ready for another nap at around 1pm. During her second nap I get about an hour to do something which is usually doing my lunch which then results in a messy kitchen again, I then get about half hour after lunch to do something else before she wakes up, but there’s honestly 101 things to be done, this even includes deciding if I can have a shower and wash my hair!. Then I have to collect my son between 3 and 3:30, which then I have 2 children to feed, bath every other day, kitchen is a mess again after doing dinner, bedtime routine. My son goes to bed at 6:30/7pm most nights but my baby would have a late afternoon nap and then be up from about 6 until 9pm, so I don’t even get evenings to do much (my husband works long hours so doesn’t usually get home until 8pm on average and travels a lot for work too) so a lot of evenings I tend to do most of it myself including dinner for me and my husband. But come 9pm when both kids are asleep I am too exhausted to do anything!

HOW on earth do I find the time to clean the bathroom, polish, Hoover, mop floors (I have dogs so it gets dirty quick!), look after myself when I go back to work?! I just don’t understand how people do it. I hate the idea of using every weekend to clean the house and get on top of everything. That to me is family time and we do go out a lot on weekends with the kids or we see family, we always have plans.

I know I could get a cleaner but I couldn’t afford one every day, maybe only once every 2 weeks. I seem to just have the time to do the living room and kitchen and I don’t get time to do any of the other rooms. I am struggling for sure. I sometimes get so overwhelmed with the amount I need to do that I end up staring into space for about 15 minutes stressing about what to do first and where to start!

I would love to know how mums cope with cleaning, especially full time working mums, it baffles me and I feel stressed thinking about it. The closer I am getting to starting work the more stressed I am feeling

There is probably a really simple answer here and It probably doesn’t help that my house is currently a mess due to moving all the bedroom around and a lot of stuff still only half done, but I just feel that a little tidy house is a tidy mind and having a tidy and clean home really does make a huge difference but I just can’t seem to get on top of it ever!!!

would love some tips, ideas, to know other people might be going through the same, how to cope etc…. Hoping for mostly positivity and no nasty responses from people 🩷 thank you x

What’s your husbands role in the house when you go back full time? Because surely it’s not all going to come down to you? You can’t do everything so stop trying to.

I always used to say to myself ‘has anyone died today’? If the answer was no, then I’d done a good job. Your house doesn’t have to be spotless, the floors don’t need mopping and hoovering every day.

Imagine you only have 2 bowls, 2 forks, 2 spoons etc etc

Just rinse stuff before using it again, dont pile it up for 'washing up' or loading the dishwasher, its just more work

Apart from running a hoover round the kitchen bits (so food doesnt get trodden around the house) I wouldnt do that every day in other rooms

Dont dust

Dont iron

Dont do any of this other 'cleaning' that I keep seeing people do.

Tidying, just grab stuff as you're moving from room to room and focus on 10 minute segments.

Badly.

i stopped ironing and we got a cleaner every two weeks.

i can’t say it stopped the chaos but it never got absolutely horrendously dirty.

Our house gets mopped when the cleaner comes once a week

In between times there are footprints from the wet in the hallway when you come in. We take our shoes off but thats further down the hallway

Those footprints stay there until she comes again.

Hi op

I have 2 kids, 5 and 2. I work part time hours but over 5 days so i can do school pick up.

We have a cleaner once every 2 weeks.

Apart from that our house is a shithole.

We are trying to gradually declutter. But very slow process as we are knackered and lack time.

Lower standards for a few years x

When my eldest was a baby we had a cleaner for 3 hours every other week and she was a godsend.

It's much easier to keep on top of the chaos if the basis is clean.

I think you need to lower your expectations.

And if you can’t afford a regular cleaner, (I can’t! I wish) pay for a one off deep clean of bathroom, kitchen etc then it’s easier to keep on top of.

beds don’t need to be fully made just pulled over which takes two seconds.

lunch- choose things that aren’t messy to make, or prep the night before and just pull out.

I totally get how overwhelming it can feel but I think you’re expecting too much. Some nights I just come home, set a timer for 45 min and do as much as I can, then that’s it. I have nice looking big wicker closing baskets to lob everything in to give the illusion of tidiness to sort out later.

When my four year old is at home, we spend a lot of time out with a packed lunch, because it really helps with the level of tidiness indoors.

Change baby’s nap and bedtime for a start if you can so they aren’t going to bed at 9pm. Eat your lunch at the same time as them so it’s one less job to do when they’re asleep. Stick them in the high chair with some utensils to play with in the morning while you clear around. Basically try and do as much as the housework with them as possible. Get a cleaner every other week if y my can afford it for the bigger jobs.

Oh and a robot hoover is a great investment

Cleaner or lower expectations. You are just one human, your little ones are your priority and the house will be clean again one day! Don't burn yourself out!

@MTOandMe my husband walks the dogs, does bins, I charge of changing our gas bottles when needed, occasionally does dinner if he gets home early enough but due to the nature of his job, even when he is home he has to work. He is commission based so the more he works, the more money he gets.

i always look at people like Mrs Hinch if you know of her and think “how do you do it!!!” She even gets time to clean things I wouldn’t even think to clean!!

@Iocanepowderi like this! I could afford a cleaner once every 2 weeks when i go back to work, do you think it helps?

but yes, my house is a shithole too! It’s a constant battle, I feel like I do the same things every day and don’t get anywhere! Trying to declutter also to help!

@CuteOrangeElephant a cleaner every other week is definitely something I will do when I go back to work, I was just worried that a cleaner once every 2 weeks wouldn’t make a difference but a few others have said a fortnightly cleaner worked for them too :)

Get a cleaner, every two weeks. It makes a huge difference to know that the kitchen, bathroom, floors and dusting (or whatever you ask for) will at least be done regularly. Only kicker is that you do have to tidy up before the cleaner comes... but this does mean the house gets panic-tidied every two weeks and you re-locate the floors.

What is your husband doing in the morning? Is he, as I suspect, just getting himself ready and then heroically taking one child to school, rather than trying to get himself, two other humans and animals fed and dressed? He needs to do more - he can at least get one child fed and tidy up after them.

In our house we do one adult does bedtime, the other tidies up and sorts the kitchen and toys. So as you're doing bedtime and dinner already - and are obviously exhausted - your husband needs to be tidying up at the end of the day.

Don't iron. Don't clean things that aren't visibly dirty. Hoover every other day, it makes the biggest difference to how grotty the house feels. Robot cleaners are great, but not very practical is you have tiny bits of toy everywhere like we currently do. (Heaven forbid we lose an essential bit of Lego.) And yes, it's boring but decluttering will help - if you have empty drawers and spaces where things always go and fit, you're more likely to put them away without having to think about it.

To be honest our house was a shit-tip until we got a cleaner, I just couldn't keep on top of everything.

The more time you spend on cleaning, the less time you have to attend to your children. Isn’t that just as important?

He can muck in and do housework. He just chooses not to.

Dont look at people like Mrs Hinch. No one has houses like that unless they're at home full time with help. These properties dont exist like this

It's Mrs Hinch's job to clean. She literally gets paid to do it. That's why she's cleaning things that don't need cleaning - she needs to flog whatever product she's doing an ad for.

I didn't manage it when I was a SAHM. I definitely don't manage it now that I'm working 4 days a week. So no help from me!

@WizardLizard86 I do stress a lot about cleanliness and clutter and the mess does drive me insane. I think I need to just let loose a little. I am one of these people that apologise for the state of my house when people come round even when it’s really not that bad. I just get embarrassed that people will think I am lazy or something. But I also compare a lot! I follow Mrs Hinch who seems to have such a hectic and busy life but her house is always spotless and I just don’t understand how she does it!
but when I do go back to work I will be paying for a fortnightly cleaner to just do the bathroom, hallway and kids bedrooms which would be a weight off my shoulders

Christ, stop following Mrs Hinch! Deathly dull watching other people clean, and she probably has a cleaner or a housekeeper or something herself anyway. Social media is not reality, like I said she is literally paid to clean.

1. Work as a team with your OH - not all of this is down to you. he is busy, but so are you.
2. Let some stuff float by - homes with little children are not meant to be tidy!
3. Get a cleaner once a fortnight (or whatever you can afford) - that way a basic deep clean is done every two weeks - you can ignore a lot if you know this is going to happen.
4. Write a list of priorities - what is really important to you to achieve each day? Does this include cleaning or is it about interacting with your children? - hopefully the latter.
5. Some of that interaction can happen with the cleaning/tidying as a focus - stuff gets done slower but it does get done and you have had some happy time with your child.

@BelleEpoque27 unfortunately that is the case, he wakes up at 7 most mornings, walks the dogs and the. Gets himself ready. I have told him he doesn’t need to have a 15 minute shower and some more help would be appreciated, but as I am on maternity leave I feel like I am entitled to do it all, but things will change when I go back to work! We will be setting our alarms at 6am so we have more time in the mornings to get things done.

But going by what you have said and others a cleaner every 2 weeks is still a huge help! I just need someone to do the bathroom, bedrooms and hallway, maybe dining room.

we can’t have a robot cleaner, we live in a cottage where there’s different levels, steps etc all over the place!

But it is very reassuring that I am not alone in this. I really thought I was going wrong somewhere

I think some of it is just accepting that the baby will cry sometimes - I’m not talking ignoring them for hours but putting them down in a safe play pen with some toys whilst you have a quick blast round with the hoover or tackle a bathroom (use a baby monitor if out of earshot) is fine. I think we’re all conditioned now to feel like we have to spend every waking moment with our children being Mary bloody Poppins but actually it’s fine for babies and toddlers to amuse themselves for 15-20 mins sometimes (or not). I am
probably a lot older than you, my dc are 13 and 22 (!) and I just had to clean sometimes and so they had to get on with it. No long term harm done!

Do peope not read the OP answers? Her DH works alot and has to work when home to earn extra money or should he stop that work to dust and then the family income lowers?

OP how is kitchen always a mess after 1 meal? A mess after you just make yourself lunch? What on earth are you making?

Takes 2mins to make a bed. Tidy as you go. Leave the big stuff to the weekend and take turns with yr DH to have a good 1hrs blast around the house, unless you have a mansion it really doesnt take long.

My thoughts for what they are worth. 1) Cleaning up is everyone's responsibility- even when kids are very small they can do little bits and learn not to make lots of mess and DH ends to pick up and do stuff as he goes. 2) When kids are very small it will not be perfect. 3) Do not be hard on yourself. If you have areas that are not used often then set up a rota so they are done once a week or once every two weeks. Everything does not need to be cleaned every day. These times are precious. Cleaning is not really, time with a young family is. 4) Automate. Robo vacs are fabulous and now relatively cheap. Dishwashers are absolutely essential. Automate all you can.