How do Mums cope with cleaning the house with two young children?! I feel so deflated and exhausted.

[Biosblbay]

So I am currently on maternity leave but I go back to work full time mid March and I am freaking out! I don’t even have time to get house work done being off work, let alone being at work!
I have a 3 year old and a 7 month old. My typical day is wake up which is usually 6:30am, get my 3 year old ready for school and do breakfast, feed baby, do lunch for my 3 year old, feed the dogs, then my husband takes him school at 8:30 before he starts work. By this time the kitchen is a mess, living room is a mess, beds to be made, bottles to wash, dishwasher to unload, laundry to be done, by the time I have done these basics my baby would have woken up from her first morning nap and she would then need a nappy change, entertaining and feeding and then keeping her upright for half hour to let her food go down, then she would be ready for another nap at around 1pm. During her second nap I get about an hour to do something which is usually doing my lunch which then results in a messy kitchen again, I then get about half hour after lunch to do something else before she wakes up, but there’s honestly 101 things to be done, this even includes deciding if I can have a shower and wash my hair!. Then I have to collect my son between 3 and 3:30, which then I have 2 children to feed, bath every other day, kitchen is a mess again after doing dinner, bedtime routine. My son goes to bed at 6:30/7pm most nights but my baby would have a late afternoon nap and then be up from about 6 until 9pm, so I don’t even get evenings to do much (my husband works long hours so doesn’t usually get home until 8pm on average and travels a lot for work too) so a lot of evenings I tend to do most of it myself including dinner for me and my husband. But come 9pm when both kids are asleep I am too exhausted to do anything!

HOW on earth do I find the time to clean the bathroom, polish, Hoover, mop floors (I have dogs so it gets dirty quick!), look after myself when I go back to work?! I just don’t understand how people do it. I hate the idea of using every weekend to clean the house and get on top of everything. That to me is family time and we do go out a lot on weekends with the kids or we see family, we always have plans.

I know I could get a cleaner but I couldn’t afford one every day, maybe only once every 2 weeks. I seem to just have the time to do the living room and kitchen and I don’t get time to do any of the other rooms. I am struggling for sure. I sometimes get so overwhelmed with the amount I need to do that I end up staring into space for about 15 minutes stressing about what to do first and where to start!

I would love to know how mums cope with cleaning, especially full time working mums, it baffles me and I feel stressed thinking about it. The closer I am getting to starting work the more stressed I am feeling

There is probably a really simple answer here and It probably doesn’t help that my house is currently a mess due to moving all the bedroom around and a lot of stuff still only half done, but I just feel that a little tidy house is a tidy mind and having a tidy and clean home really does make a huge difference but I just can’t seem to get on top of it ever!!!

would love some tips, ideas, to know other people might be going through the same, how to cope etc…. Hoping for mostly positivity and no nasty responses from people 🩷 thank you x

I have two preschoolers, dogs too and work - honestly the cleaner every two weeks is a godsend. We only started it recently, it really helps. Also yes, you have to madly tidy before they come, so it puts a deadline on the mess!
We have floors that it wouldn’t work on, but friends swear by the robo vacuum that hoovers and mops while they’re at work or sleeping.
And then mainly changing the schedule for your baby soon, so she goes to bed at 7pm ish also. I wore the baby in a sling when cleaning up and tidying. And dog walking is exercise- when the days get longer the kids love going out all wrapped up in the morning before work or after work sometimes with their dinner in little bento boxes and having a scoot or bike after they’ve eaten. Also no mess all under the table on those days 😅 But yeah not very fun in the rain at the moment, as it’s more mess when they’ve jumped in muddy puddles

@TenderChicken this does help massively. It’s horrible to read that others have struggled or do struggle and I wish things were different, modern day society I think has made life practically impossible at times, but it’s reassuring to know that this is a common thing. As others have said it’s all about letting go a bit, not stressing so much about the mess and that it will get easier one day 🙂

Mrs Hinch has help. Not necessarily a cleaner in the traditional sense but she has help with childcare and that person will sort kids meals, tidy their toys etc.

@Pepperedpickles my mum does tell me this. She tells me to leave Baby in her bouncer or in her cot for 20 minutes with some toys while I crack on. She said things are so different now to what they used to be. I am 31 myself so social media probably does have a bit of an impact to how I can be.

Social media puts so much pressure on everyone to be perfect at everything. It’s not real life. ❤️

My husband worked away 5.5 days a week for the first 18 months of DD’s life and still did more housework than me.

it seems to be a common trap that instead of seeing maternity leave as being about recovering from growing and birthing a baby, it’s effectively to become a housekeeper. It’s very hard to change these patterns once they are established so I never let it start.

Get a dog walker and start redistributing the domestic responsibilities.

Sounds like you are doing an incredible job at the moment!!!
A cleaner once a fortnight will make a huge difference and ensure the bathroom / kitchen / floors are kept clean enough.
The rest is on you once working full time to ensure the load is split with your husband, you must divide and conquer, don’t for even a second try to keep up what you’re doing now - have a chat before you go back about how to equally split the load pre and post work and hopefully it will just be manageable xx

They hire a cleaner, if they can and want to, otherwise they take the pain, discomfort and getting up early, if they want a spotless house.
Not being funny, and since I don't have children and am older than you, OP, this is what I observed when I was a teenager.
Kinda encouraged me to make the child free decision.
I'm not going to mention husbands in this post.
My father was military and did what was required at home, without being propped.
Others did fuck all.

Okay so I’m not a working mum (I was when we had 1 dc). I have 3 kids 5 and under inc a baby. I feel for you going back to work!!

okay:
absolutely everything in the dishewasher inc baby bottles. Run at least once a day, sometimes twice.

heated air rack. One or two washes a day.

mop the floor once a month. No shoes household. Would never get a dog for this reason. Sorry they are cute but I wouldn’t cope

change bedsheets every 10 days sometimes every 2 weeks. Standards lower!!

batch cook

Clean the bathroom when I have a shower. Full proper clean every 2 weeks. Just clean the toilet more often.

cordless hoover. Hoover every day.

tidy the kitchen as the kid eat breakfast. I make myself a tea and toast in travel mug and eat line on the drive to school!!

shower and wash my hair in the evenings. Go to bed when baby does eg 9pm so I maximise sleep

Cleaning with kids in the house is like trying to brush your teeth whilst eating Oreo’s

just a bit of perspective here, when my eldest reached secondary school age she lived in her room the majority of the time. It was only her and I in the house and it was immaculate. It was also very sad, no more toys to clear up, no more stopping what I was doing because she needed me. The house looked lovely but it felt depressing and I felt lost. I hate the “enjoy every moment” narrative but we are lucky to have these little people that take priory over a Mrs Hinch style home

my life is very different now with a partner, baby and dog alongside the teenager, so I completely feel your frustration. It drives me mad at times but one day the house will be immaculate again and I’ll miss this chaos

just a practical tip here, one of these with method floor cleaner is great for when you need a quick clean of the floors. It’s easy, dries quickly and smells amazing

www.amazon.co.uk/MICROFIBRE-ABSORBENT-CLEANER-SWEEPER-EXTENDABLE/dp/B077WY5QGY/ref=asc_df_B077WY5QGY?mcid=bd1e3a8e1021316cb06c8a0d4733775d&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697306065299&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4611304545401943935&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007063&hvtargid=pla-702931853892&psc=1&hvocijid=4611304545401943935-B077WY5QGY-&hvexpln=0&gad_source=1

An upright cordless hoover is great for quick hoovers up of crumbs etc . Clean bath after kids are in it . Don't put it down put it away is a good mantra . Baskets at top and bottom of stairs for stuff up and down . Get husband to fold clean clothes and put away when he's around . Reduce ironing especially kids clothes . Don't let kids have all the toys out at a time . Toddler can help tidy his room.

But honestly after all this advice try not to stress too much . It will never be the way it was before kids. You have two extra little people now . Enjoy them . Housework will always be there , your kids won't be this lovely age always.

Yeah I dont understand the thing about being glued to your child 24/7 either. Chidlren are fine once they're fed, watered and changed (largely, there are always exceptions) to be left for 20-30 mins while you get on with stuff.

Your options are (a) let it slide or (b) let someone else do it. Either you need to be ok with the mess or you need a cleaner or DH needs to step up. Caring for 2 small children is more work than a full time job so he is the one who has capacity for housework/cooking out of the 2 of you.

And Mrs Hinch? Who the hell is she?
😆

Also to add to my comment above. I don’t iron anything. Unless we are going to a wedding

husband irons his own work shirts

I had to lower my expectations massively when my second was born as I was newly single also.

my house isn't pristine everyday but I managed to get things done.
I ate when she ate.
she would go in her bouncer whilst I done a job or two.
id put her on the floor with toys, your fine doing jobs around them.

You have to drop your standards a bit when you have two small children.
Hoovering once a week is fine, nobody dies if their bed isn’t made every day, kitchen messes are cleaned up as you go with a proper clean once a week. Dusting isn’t essential. Iron only when absolutely necessary and adults iron their own stuff.

Stop following Mrs Hinch!! It’s not a realistic way to live with small children and a full time job

You have a partner, with both adults working full time household tasks and childcare need dividing out equally

I have never washed or ironed DH’s clothes. Even in the 9 years before we had DD.

It’s hard when they’re this age OP but it won’t last for ever. When my kinds were these ages I used to pop my youngest onto my back in a baby carrier and get on with stuff, I’d let him open the doors and turn the lights on and make a big deal of bending over etc while chatting to him. He loved it, we could get washings put away, change beds, quick wipe round the bathroom even cook dinner, he was safe and entertained. During snack times I would move his highchair to whichever room needed doing and clean while he had a snack (preferably something that took a long time to eat!). If you can build things like this into your routine then when nap times come around the work is mostly done and you can chill for a bit. I refused to do any housework during nap times unless absolutely necessary!

Gently ,you need to let a lot go .How is the kitchen so messy?.Just a wipe round with some Dettol spray after the evening meal surely.Do sarnies for lunch and some Apples/carrots and crisps! No cooking or yoghurts allowed! Robot hoover if at all possible and TD all clothes .No ironing allowed ( nearly knocked DD out with my steam iron when she pulled the ironing board over once !) If you can afford a cleaner get one! DW essential .Can you not pop baby in a carrier and hoover do dusting then? TBH mine are older now ,but we have always had dogs and there is a lot of mud! I prefer doggies to a clean house though!

Split the essential jobs evenly between you and DH. Don’t be too uptight about housework whilst your kids are little. It’s a losing battle. Just make sure it’s hygienic.

I have one white linen top that I iron after a holiday in the summer…this is the ONLY thing I ever iron…nothing else! And dishwashers seem more bother than they’re worth!

I find a dishwasher causes more work, much more work. Theres tons of stuff in it for a start, its always wet which means drying up, it dribbles over everything else. And sometimes things are grubby in it. Hate the thing

I rinse as I go, nothing gets that dirty unless its had raw poultry/meat on it.

Yes a cleaner even once every 2 weeks definitely helps!

Other than that, we share the load. We both help to stay on top of washing, we don’t iron anything. DH sorts the kitchen after dinner. We both do a very quick hoover. I am more in charge of trying to declutter and also sorting the kids’ clothes once they’ve grown out of stuff to make sure we don’t hang on to stuff we don’t need.

The beds don’t need to be made and the kitchen you tidy as you go along. So the only big mess is dinner. Breakfast shouldn’t cause a mess.
Laundry just do what’s important and save the rest for the weekend when your dh is back.
Having a baby that naps reliably is amazing. I had a baby that would barely sleep and wanted to breastfeed non stop. Because of that it should be easy to plan what to do.
Also go out with baby in the pram that way they mess up the house because they are out.
I dont have a dishwasher and just wash as I go with 6 of us. So you having a dishwasher should be easier.
With your husband, when he is there, I would say to him do you want to hold the baby or empty the dishwasher? Do you want to change a nappy or put in a wash? Don’t do everything yourself.