Is it abusive (or otherwise problematic) to have a toddler out late?

[Chizzit]

I'm really curious about this as have never thought about it much before and am now seriously second-guessing myself!

My 2-year-old DD falls asleep between 7.30 and 8 almost every night and tends to sleep well through the night. We have a consistent bedtime routine. However, occasionally - I'd say once every 2 months for the past year - she stays up late to 10/10.30ish. This is always in the context of a family member having a birthday party and wanting to go out for an evening meal or to have guests round to theirs. DD is the only kid in the family. Invitations always make it clear that she is welcome and so rather than getting a baby sitter, I always bring her along. She is used to restaurants; doesn't tend to eat much that late and always has dinner before we leave but is easily entertained at the table by drawing or chatting. If we go back to someone's house instead, someone is always playing with her. Me or my DH might have a couple of drinks whilst the other stays sober to be lead 'parent on duty' and drive us home. Afterwards she falls asleep in the car on the way back, gets carried up to bed and sleeps well. She has dropped her daytime naps usually but will have one the next day if we've been out late.

Anyway, when I was out with her at a restaurant last night, a stranger asked me why my toddler was out so late in quite a critical way. It was nothing to do with her behaviour - she was really good and quiet in the restaurant, not bothering anyone that I can possibly discern. But it made me think: is it somehow cruel or abusive to do what I'm doing?

I come from a background where kids being treated in quite an adult way and being part of adult events is quite normal so perhaps this has skewed my thinking on this.

God if that's abusive, better call social services on me right now.

My husband and I are both night owls raising a couple of night owlets (6 and nearly 4). We don't go out much as we'd like as our youngest is an absolute terror when out and about, and it's not fair on other people. But they're usually awake after 10pm on weekends and it's rare to be asleep before 9pm on weekdays.

We choose not to do this except a couple of times for weddings as our children generally didn't cope well with such a routine change at bedtime and it would ruin the evening for all involved.

However in your case it works fine and your child adapts and catches up with sleep the next day. Plus it's only every few weeks. So carry on.

I do admit I have wondered how people take their toddlers out in the evening when I've seen them in the past but I wouldn't say anything! Especially if they are behaving well.

I live in Spain. ... The children are still in the playgrounds at 11 pm. Do what suits you and your child. It's nothing to do with anyone else

OP your are teaching your child good skills, being in social situations that they have to sit down and behave. If you had her sat on a phone and it was blasting peppa pig on full blast then I’d probably have said it’s not acceptable.

The audacity of someone else to comment if beyond me, I hope you told them to mind their own business.

Also I assume you didn’t arrive at the restaurant for 10pm….. people are just to bothered by others nowadays!

Our DD rarely sleeps before 9pm! We do what we want and when we want, within reason and we teach her that adult time…. ( later in the evenings) means calm down time.

For the comments that say they don’t do this or wouldn’t do this…. They are controlled by their child and their precious routines.

When your DD starts school you’ll have routine so don’t worry what others say.

We did this with our twins quite a few times. A wedding when they were about 4 months (did go home early evening), another at 6 months where we stayed at the venue, and they had a ball being cuddled by everyone. Think they slept in their double buggy until we were ready for bed. Also several other parties when they were toddlers, they would have a great time and sleep in the buggy when tired, we turned it to face the wall and they'd be out like a light.....

Totally agree children should be acclimatised to social events as long as they enjoy it! Or for babies, at least seem happy enough.